


The Winner Takes it All

by sonderlust



Category: Monster of the Week (Tabletop RPG)
Genre: Body snatching, Creepy Nurses, Demons, Ghost Sex, Ghost necking, Ghosts, M/M, Possession, Spirits, five minute hallway, rude doctors, transdimensional spaces
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:20:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 45,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26900518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonderlust/pseuds/sonderlust
Summary: Dr Ash Langley fails to properly assess a situation and must deal with the consequences of his actions.
Relationships: Ash Langley/Jack O’Malley
Comments: 6
Kudos: 5





	1. The Day the World Went Away

The phone on the bedside table buzzed and Ash opened an eye to regard it. _Who on earth is texting me this early? It’s Saturday..._ He clumsily reached over and grabbed his phone, frowning as he saw the automated message that had been sent to him.

“ **Langley, Ash. Please report to the following address at 8:30AM CST today, Saturday, for your mandatory annual physical: 6600 SE Industrial Pkwy Suite 6. Please bring your identification and insurance card to your visit. Kind reminder, attendance is mandatory. Non-compliance will be met with disciplinary action and/or termination. Thank you for your cooperation.** ”

“Dammit, Donna...” Ash grumbled and dragged himself out of bed, idly scratching his lower back and ambling towards the bathroom to begin his morning routine. A familiar chill sidled up next to him as he spit toothpaste in the sink and Ash frowned as he regarded the figure in the mirror. His ‘roommate’ smiled back at him, crossing his arms and affecting leaning up against the wall. Of course, he didn’t have to use the wall to support himself, but Ash had gotten used to his spectral houseguest using the same gestures that he assumed the former bootlegger had used in life.

“ _Wow, you’re up early, sunshine._ ”

“I’m in no mood, Jack.” Ash rinsed the excess toothpaste from his mouth and dried his face, desperately trying to avoid eye contact with the translucent figure that hovered by his side. Eye contact only encouraged engagement, and he didn’t have the energy to deal with the monochrome menace right now.

“ _Oh, you’re certainly in some kind of mood._ ” Jack floated after Ash as the cranky man left the bathroom. “ _And not a good one, that’s for sure. What’s eating you on this lovely morning?_ ”

Ash silently stalked over to the closet and picked out a green and white flannel.

“ _Birds are singing, sun is shining..._ ”

Ash huffed as he grabbed a pair of jeans, and some brown and green argyle socks. He rummaged around in the top drawer of his dresser until he found a pair of underpants that he found to be more lucky than the others.

“ _World’s your oyster!_ ” Jack glided around Ash in a grand flourish before settling in front of him, hovering cross-legged in the air while resting his chin in his hands. “ _And here you are, acting like somebody’s left you holding the bag._ ”

“Donna in HR is a damn demon...” Ash hastily changed into his clothes for the day. “...so now I have to go get a damn physical done on a damn Saturday.”

Jack tilted his head to the side. “ _So just...don’t go? Don’t see the problem here, man. Still a free country, ain’t it?_ ”

Ash pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled. “The problem,” He threw up exaggerated air quotes. “Is that if I don’t go, or if I’m late and Donna the damn demon has to reschedule me, she’ll make my life a living hell. I made her reschedule it last year, and then I mysteriously had to work in containment clean up for a month. It was brutal _and_ disgusting. And I’m not unconvinced that it’s not the reason she scheduled this last minute on a Saturday for me this year.” He grabbed his wallet and keys from the top of his dresser. His hand hovered over the antique pocket watch on the dresser and something stopped him. _Better not bring it...it’s just a physical, after all. What if these crooked clinic doctors steal it from me? Nah, better leave it here..._

“ _So...you just have demons working for you? Aren’t those...and pardon me if I’m sticking my nose where it don’t belong, but aren’t those the kind of things you capture?_ ”

Ash chuckled and shook his head. “No no, not like...a _literal_ demon. She’s just unpleasant and unsettling. We used to have a real nice lady in HR, Angela, but then that thing with all the eyes got loose and, well, let’s just say that HR didn’t used to sit in nearly as secure of a room as they do now. Next day, Donna waltzed in.” Ash hated Donna in HR. She was efficient, sure, but at what cost. “Never did find that thing with all the eyes...” Ash shuddered as he remembered seeing the security cam footage. “Anyways, unimportant. How do you always manage to rope me into talking with you when I have places to be?” Ash glared at Jack before checking himself briefly in the mirror.

“ _Because I’m charming._ ”

“I don’t think that’s it...”

“ _Because I’m handsome._ ”

“Alright, knock it off.” Ash hurried towards the door, desperate to avoid what was next.

“ _Oh! I know! It’s because..._ ” Jack intercepted and hovered his ghostly form in between Ash and his front door as Ash was reaching for the door handle. “ _...you’ve fallen for me._ ”

Ash rolled his eyes. “Oh for crying out loud, knock it off, and move outta my way before I get the compressed air and move you myself.”

Peals of laughter echoed through the house. It always sent a chill up Ash’s spine when Jack did that.

“Can you please contain your sounds in one location? And besides, what’s so funny??” Ash was getting frustrated at these phantom hijinks.

“ _Ash, darling. You know I’m incorporeal, right? You can go right through me, ain’t nothing stopping you._ ” To illustrate his point, Jack jammed a spectral hand through Ash’s torso.

“Ack, stop that!” Ash backed up and shooed Jack’s hand away. “I’m just...I’m just being _respectful_ so m-maybe be thankful, instead of weird about it.” Ash straightened out his shirt and waited for Jack to move aside. His voice lowered. “Besides it...it can’t feel nice to have someone just move through you l-like you aren’t even there. That’s a terrible way to treat someone.” Ash cleared his throat and looked down at the ground. He shifted as a strange feeling took hold in his chest. He had the sudden urge to go to Lowe’s and get another potted plant.

Jack shook his head and heaved a dramatic sigh. “ _Alright, don’t get your knickers in a twist. No need to get emotional about it._ ” He floated to the side and outstretched an arm gesturing to the door. “ _She’s all yours._ ”

“Thank you.” Ash huffed, yanking the door open. “And I _wasn’t_ getting emotional, for your information, I just don’t have time to deal with any of your shenanigans if I’m going to make this ridiculous appointment time.” He paused before exiting, his expression softening as he looked back at Jack. “You want me to turn on the tv for you?”

“ _I’ll be fine, Ash. Get on to yer appointment before you blow a gasket._ ” Jack chuckled and floated upwards and out of view.

Ash silently chastised himself as he realized he had been smiling. _Come on now, don’t encourage him._

***

The gravel crunched under the tires of Ash’s green Subaru as he pulled into the lot at the specified address. His was the only car in the lot. The building was unremarkable- a bland, beige office building that looked about as generic as it possibly could have. The one thing that was a little strange was the complete lack of signage outside or on the doors to the building.

“Gee, Donna, way to choose an outstanding vendor...” Ash grumbled as he climbed out of his vehicle and idly pressed the lock on the door to secure it. “Alright, let’s get this stupid thing over wish...sure hope they have coffee.”

A shiver went through Ash as he gripped the door handle. Something felt off. _It’s fine. You just haven’t had your coffee yet._ He shook his head and made his way inside.

As he stepped through the threshold, he had to pause as a wave of dizziness came over him. His pulse quickened and he felt sweat forming on his palms. “Th-the hell...” He took a deep breath and after a moment the dizziness subsided. The unease, however, remained. “That was weird...” He muttered and frowned as he took in his surroundings. The interior of the building seemed immense, but claustrophobic at the same time. The entrance was quite narrow, maybe five feet wide, but the hallway extended forward from the entryway at least five hundred feet. Anemic green linoleum sprawled across the floors and met up against sickly white walls. Ash idly rubbed his head as the buzzing from the fluorescent lights seeped into his skull. _Damn fluorescents..._

At the end of the hallway, a door with “Clinic” stenciled on the frosted glass hung slightly open. Ash swallowed as his unease grew. Something in his gut was insisting that he turn around and leave, but he proceeded down the hallway towards the door anyways. Anything to avoid the wrath of Donna. His steps echoed as he walked down the hall- aside from the buzzing of the fluorescents, it was the only sound he could hear in the building. Ash kept walking down the hallway. And walking. It seemed like he should have already reached the door, but now that he was assessing it, he had only made it about halfway down. “...the hell kind of five minute hallway nonsense is this...” He grumbled to himself as he picked up the pace. The lights flickered in response. _Just ignore it. Just gotta get this done and get out._

“Finally...” Ash pulled the door open and breathed a sigh of relief as he stepped into the interior of the clinic. He looked up at the clock. 8:27. Three minutes to spare. “Uh, excuse me?” He tapped on the counter as he filled out his name on the clipboard. A pale, angular woman snapped her head up and Ash reflexively jumped back. “S-sorry...uh, I’m Ash Langley, I’m here for my office physical? With the Agency?”

The woman blinked and tilted her head to the side, glassy brown eyes fixed on Ash. The bones in her arm made a series of unnerving cracks as she slowly reached a hand out. “Identification and insurance card please...”

“Uh..s-sure...” Ash regarded the woman with concern as he slowly handed over his documents. “You okay, miss?”

“Thank you.” She grabbed the documents, completely ignoring his question, and glided over to a photocopier in the back of the office. She set them in the machine, took them out without copying them, handed the documents back to Ash and smiled. “Please have a seat and the nurse will call you back momentarily.”

“Great. Thanks.” Ash replaced the documents in his wallet after debating whether or not to call out the fact that she had forgotten to actually make copies, ultimately deciding that he didn’t need to do her job for her. _Not my circus, not my monkeys._ He shook his head and made his way over to a nearby coffee pot. “Finally, some coffee.” He grabbed a cup, but was interrupted as a door to his right opened.

“Langley? Ash Langley?” Another pale, angular woman peered out through the doorway, armed with a clipboard. “Right this way, please...” Her body turned and Ash could have sworn her head lingered in the same spot just slightly beyond the limits of the human form, but he shook his head as he dismissed the thought.

 _You’re just weirded out by this bizarre building. Just stay calm, and get this thing done._ Ash followed the nurse down another unreasonably long hallway. _You don’t have anything else to do today after this, you can just chill at home and finish that sweater._ He nodded a thanks as she motioned for him to enter the exam room.

“The doctor will be with you shortly.”

“Yeah, thanks.” Ash hopped up on the exam table and fidgeted. He hated waiting. There was something about exam rooms that put him on edge, and this one was no exception. He looked up at the clock. 8:27. _The hell???..._

“Ahhhh, Dr. Langley, pleasure to meet you...we have been eagerly awaiting your arrival!”

Ash was startled as a tall, angular man in a white coat glided into the room with a level of panache that set off every alarm in his brain. _Something is definitely up. We gotta go. We gotta go NOW._ “Heh, y-yeah, about that, I uh, suddenly remember that something came up, I’m going to have to reschedule.”

The doctor laughed and Ash cringed as the cacophonous sound ricocheted off of the walls and assaulted his senses. “Nonsense! This is going to be _fun_ , just you wait.”

Ash looked around the room and panic set in as he searched for his exit points. “W-wait, I just realized, I didn’t fill out my HIPAA forms, I should probably go do that?”

“Funny little man, we won’t need those for what we’re going to do!” The man pulled a clipboard from god knows where and clicked a pen that he suddenly had in his hand. “Now then...” He advanced upon Ash and cleared the room in a mere two steps. His grin was toothy and predatory. “...on a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your pain?” It was a growl, a threat.

“Z-zero?” Ash scooted back on the exam table, desperate to put more space between him and this menacing stranger.

“Oh...” The ‘doctor’ clicked his tongue and shook his head as he noted something on the clipboard, and then looked back up at Ash, burgundy-brown eyes flashing with delight. “We’re going to have to do something about that now, won’t we?” His sallow, waxy skin stretched far too tight as his lips curled into a sickening rictus.

“No? Isn’t...zero the optimal number for pain?” A cold sweat broke out across his body and his heart hammered in his chest. He inched to the side to try and allow himself a space for egress. “Besides, this is a physical, all you gotta do is take my vitals, sign the form clearing me for work, and then send me on my way. Easy.” A nervous chuckle halfway to a whimper.

“Easy? _Easy_???” The shrill interrogative slid into Ash’s ears and needled the flight instinct in his brain stem. “Oh, Dr. Langley. You’ve made things So. Very. _Difficult_ for us.” The doctor manifested a vial and syringe from another unknown location and held the vial up to the light as he inserted the syringe and drew back the plunger to draw out some of the viscous black fluid it contained. “I don’t think it would be very fair to deny you the same experience, now would it?”

That was enough to prompt Ash to action. _Nope. Nope. Nope nope nope. Fucking right on out of here._ As the doctor was regarding the syringe, Ash took that opportunity to launch himself off of the exam table and towards the door. He heard a brief ‘Hey-!’ behind himself, but didn’t hesitate as he wrenched open the door and fled down the hallway towards the waiting room. Or so he thought. He ran as quickly as he could, but paused as he realized that he had been running much longer than he should have been, and the hallway showed no signs of ending.

“What the hell...” He leaned against the wall and took a moment to catch his breath. The lights flickered above his head and he swore as they began to go out one by one down the hallway. “No no no no....” A red glow soaked the corridor as the back-up lights came on. _Change of plans_. Ash noticed a series of doors down the hallway and quickly ducked into one of the rooms as he heard shrill laughter echoing down the hall behind him.

It was a supply closet, and Ash felt no comfort as the close confines were only enhanced by the equipment that had been haphazardly thrown into the space. _Better to be uncomfortable than dead...just calm down and think._ His heart stopped in his chest as he heard tentative footsteps and he put a hand over his mouth to try and calm himself as they paused outside of the door.

“Dr. Langley...now where oh where did you run off to?”

_Eat shit, bastard._

“Wonder where you could be?”

_Fuck off. Keep on moving, asshole._

“Of course, you wouldn’t be _you_ if you didn’t get scared and run away, now would you? Little rabbit, always running, running, running.” One step. “Wonder if you’ll panic yourself and die...” Two steps. “Oh, that would be a pity, now wouldn’t it? No fun in that...” Two more steps. “You’re no use to us if you _die_ , Dr. Langley.” There was now a definite hint of irritation in the doctor’s voice as he continued to move down the hallway.

He continued his taunt, and Ash strained to listen, unmoved by the doctor’s harsh words- he waited until he could no longer hear his assailant before pulling his insurance card out of his wallet and cautiously sliding it under the door. It wasn’t much, but the highly laminated surface allowed just enough reflection to show Ash that there was nothing moving in the hallway that would disrupt the light, limited as it was. _I think the coast is clear. Okay. Now what???_

He pulled out his phone and opened a new text message to Donna in HR.

ASH: **Donna, I need to lodge a complaint about the vendor you’ve chosen for this year’s physical eval. First of all, how is a one hour notification okay? And second, A HOMICIDAL MANIAC IS CHASING ME THROUGH A HOUSE OF LEAVES MOCK UP.**

A few moments passed, and Ash’s heart briefly stopped as Donna’s response came through.

DONNA: **Agent Langley, your physical has not yet been scheduled and is not due until next quarter. Please be advised that we are required to give you 72 business hours notification before scheduling any medical examinations, and due to updates in Agency policy, we now require employee confirmation before any exams can be scheduled. I cannot assist in regards to the person pursuing you, I advise that you consult with local law enforcement for that issue.**

ASH: **Wait...what? You mean you didn’t schedule this?**

DONNA: **Per my last message, no. Your physical is not due until next quarter.**

ASH: **Can I opt out? Or like...at least choose my own doctor? I’m not inclined to go to another mystery location after this experience...**

DONNA: **No. The physical is mandatory for all Agency employees and must be conducted by an Agency approved physician. This is clearly laid out in the employee handbook. I advise that you review your handbook to ensure that you understand company policy. Failure to do so may result in disciplinary action and/or termination.**

 _Great. Thanks, Donna._ Ash rolled his eyes and exited out of his messages app. He opened the phone app and dialed 911, but he felt the color drain from his face as he heard the message on the other end. “ _...sorry, but you have reached a number that has been disconnected, or is no longer in service. If you feel you have reached this recording in error, please check the number and tr-..._ ” That was impossible. It was supposed to be impossible. _No...no no no, 911 is always supposed to work, what the fuck._ He cancelled the call with shaking hands and exhaled. _Of course. Of course this is how it’s going to go. Perfect. Well, I haven’t heard anything in a while...maybe he went away._

Ash carefully opened the door a crack and peeked out. Nothing in either direction. He heaved a sigh of relief and began quietly making his way in the opposite direction, hoping that he had just gone the wrong way initially. _Come on...come on...there’s gotta be an exit here somewhere. Isn’t this some kind of OSHA violation?_ His pace quickened the further he got down the hallway until he was practically at a run. Finally, salvation. The end of the hallway was coming closer. _Haha! Yes! Eat that, son of a bitch!_ However, his jubilation was cut short as he reached the end of the corridor and found that there was no joining hallway going in another direction. It simply...stopped. “Wh-what...n-no. No!” He shook his head in disbelief, knees shaking as the shock of being trapped knocked the wind out of him. He took a couple of shaky steps backwards, and froze as he met unexpected resistance.

“What an exhilarating feeling...” A familiar voice behind Ash stole the breath from his lungs. “...to watch hope die.” It oozed with sadistic malice, ichor dripping in hateful tendrils as the words reverberated in the limited space.

Ash whirled around and found himself toe to toe with the deranged doctor. “What the hell do you want?” His voice was steady, but the whole of his body shook with fear.

“So glad you asked!” The doctor’s stunningly white teeth gleamed in the low light, almost as if they radiated a light of their own. “What we want...is just a measure of _suffering_.”

Ash squinted. “Why???”

“Why dear Dr. Langley, I’m surprised. Don’t you know me?”

“No? Should I?”

“Oh...ah, yes. I forget, you and I have not met proper. Perhaps you should be speaking with my associates.” He thoughtfully stroked an almost cartoonishly pointed chin. “But wait! They’re either dead, or imprisoned in your association’s rotten holding center.”

“E-excuse me???” Ash continued to stall as he tried to figure out a way of getting ahold of the wicked syringe that the doctor was holding. He didn’t know what was in it, and he didn’t intend to find out.

“You really need me to spell it out? I know you humans are pitifully stupid, but I honestly expected more from someone of your caliber, Dr. Langley.”

“Sorry, I haven’t had my coffee...”

“Very well, I’ll indulge you...” He snapped long, bony fingers, and the surroundings melted away and reformed back into the exam room that Ash was certain he had escaped from. “You, Dr. Langley, have been quite the fly in our ointment lately. You see, we’ve been sending representatives from our realm to continue infiltration plans in _your_ realm, and you, pesky little gnat that you are, keep waylaying them.” He idly observed the black liquid in his syringe as he sighed and shook his head.

“So...you’re...a demon?”

The doctor rolled his eyes. “And circle gets the square...”

“And you wanna kill me...”

This elicited a chuckle from the dark haired ‘man’. “Oh, heavens no.” He waved the syringe in the air with a flourish. “I already told you, Dr. Langley. We want to extract a measure of suffering from you. It’s only fair, after all...you’ve caused us countless delays in our plans. So much loss of our number.”

“What do you mean by ‘suffering’?” Ash swallowed hard as a knot formed in his throat.

“Well, now...why don’t we find out?” The doctor advanced on him and Ash lunged to the side in an attempt to dodge. His reflexes were fast, but the demon’s were faster, and Ash didn’t even have time to scream before he felt the pinch of the syringe in his arm. “There, there, little rabbit...this part will only last a moment.”

“What the fuck?? What the fuck did you do???” Ash gasped for air as he felt panic setting in. The edges of his vision went black.

“Oh, don’t worry, this part merely prepares you for what will come next.” The doctor pulled out his clipboard again and scribbled something on one of the papers attached to it. “Now then. What is your name?”

“Ash Langley...” Ash blinked as the words came from his mouth unbidden.

“Very nice. And what, Dr. Langley, is your biggest fear?”

“F-...f-..........fungus....” Ash strained against the effects of whatever the doctor had injected him with. _Half truths. Don’t give them everything._

The doctor blinked. “Really? Huh...fascinating.” He leaned over and held Ash’s chin in his hand. “But you are _hiding_ something, aren’t you?”

“No.”

“Very well. Suit yourself. Let’s see now...” He flipped a page and his face lit up. “Ah! This one is juicy. Who are the people closest to you?”

Ash clenched his jaw.

“Come on now, we don’t have all day.”

“...no one.” Ash felt a sharp pain in his head and gripped the edge of the exam table.

“ _Liar_...” The doctor hissed and grabbed Ash by his shirt front. “Tell me...who are the people closest to you?”

Ash chuckled and he felt a thin rivulet of blood trickle from his nose. “...ain’t a lie...” He wheezed. The room was spinning around him and he began to feel as though he was floating away from himself. “...you’re the one in closest proximity...to me. And you’re not a person.” He felt his body slump forwards and his head landed against the doctor’s chest. “Check...and mate.”

“Are all humans as _pathetically_ adorable as you?” Tall dark and gruesome chuckled as he flopped Ash’s body down on the exam table. “Now then, this is the fun part...” He delicately unbuttoned the sweat drenched shirt that Ash was wearing and pondered as he prodded the weakly struggling man’s sternum. “Come now, no struggling, you’re just wasting your energy at this point.”

“B-back off, man...” The words fell out of Ash’s mouth as heavy arms attempted to bat the doctor’s hands away. “...I ain’t into you like that...” Ash’s mind was screaming for him to get up, to flee, but his body wasn’t cooperating with him.

“Don’t worry, I’m not that kind of demon. Tricky thing, this fiddly human body of yours.” He effortlessly lifted Ash’s body and propped him onto his feet. “One wrong move, and we could cause _irreparable_ damage. Things tear, all these bones and organs and such tend to catch on things, you see. Messy business, humans.” With the precision of a surgeon, the demon began to carve something into Ash’s chest.

He knew he should be in pain, but it was more like a faint backbeat heard outside of a club. Far away, and utterly not his concern at the moment. _What’s...happening??? Why can’t I run? Why am I not fucking running? Wake up!!!_

“There we go!” The demon stepped back and briefly admired his handiwork before tilting Ash’s chin up to look into his eyes. “Now... _this_ is the tricky part.” He flashed a wicked grin as he placed his hand over the symbol he had carved onto Ash’s chest. “You’re a back-loaded model. Less common, so you’d be in real trouble if they had sent someone less experienced. Lucky for you, a basic extraction procedure is child’s play for someone of my tenure.”

Ash vaguely sensed a strange tearing sensation inside of his body as he felt pressure from the place where the demon’s hand was resting. Suddenly, he was keenly aware of two distinct sets of sensations. One, from his body, the sensations he would expect, though dulled. The other was more intangible, but was blazing at the front of his consciousness. He was being split apart. _P-please...no...help, someone..._

“So! The key...” The demon held up his hand and Ash watched as it became translucent. “...is that it’s all in the wrist.” He replaced his hand upon Ash’s chest. “Now...this will be intensely unpleasant, or so I’m told.” A low purring sound thrummed from his throat and he licked his lips as he planted his feet and began to press inward.

Ash felt his body go rigid and heard himself screaming as the demon’s hand continued to move into his chest cavity. His perception split in two and every fiber of his being lit up as though it was on fire. _This...this can’t be happening._ The world swam, and if he could have, he would have vomited from the disorientation. He was moving further and further backwards, but his body was stationary. Ash looked down and saw the demon’s hand resting firmly on his chest, but something looked off. The floor was completely devoid of color. He looked up and saw that his body was also standing there in front of him, drained of all color.

“Wonderful!” The good doctor removed his hand from Ash’s chest and color flowed out from his arm and flooded his form. “A seamless extraction! Now then, time to take this lovely little number out for a spin.” He rubbed his hands together, and Ash stood there, horrified, as he watched the demon slide into the same space where Ash’s motionless body was standing.

“ _Wh-what the hell...?_ ” Ash watched as his body slowly began moving. “ _What’s going on???_ ”

“Wow...fits like a glove!” Ash’s body turned around to face him, a wickedly uncharacteristic grin plastered on his face. “Kind of got a vintage feel to this model, wouldn’t you say?”

“ _N-no...what?_ ” Ash looked down at his hands. “ _B-but...if I’m here...how...am I...?_ ”

Ash’s body erupted with laughter. “Good WORD, you humans really are stupid, aren’t you? I’ll break it down to the simplest level I can, and I do hope your pathetic little mind can keep up.” He waved his hand through Ash’s torso and Ash shuddered as he felt a dizzying sensation. “I’m taking control of your pathetic little meat wagon here, and by doing this, we’re going to inject a measure of suffering in your life.”

“Wait...you’re...possessing me?”

“Eh, close enough...a proper possession usually doesn’t displace the original tenant, but you get the... _spirit_...of it.” He chuckled and Ash scowled.

_Do I really sound like that?_

“Now then, I should probably get going...”

“ _W-wait, what are you going to do to my body???_ ” Ash felt a panic rising up within him.

“Hmm? Oh, probably nothing. Suffering is best experienced with a fully functional vessel, after all.” The demon winked before pulling Ash’s wallet out of his pocket. “Now then...let’s head on _home_ , shall we? I’m going to take your life apart...one piece at a time.”

“ _Hey! Wait a minute, you can’t just take my body!_ ” Ash watched, helpless as his body left the room. “ _Wait...w-wait..._ ” He tried to run, but no matter how much he moved his feet, he didn’t budge. “ _Am I stuck here? What the hell...think. Think! There has to be a solution I’m not seeing._ ” He closed his eyes and reflected on his situation. _Okay, so at the very least, he doesn’t have my current home address, at least not with anything in my wallet. And my phone uses a passcode, so he can’t get in with facial recognition._ He opened his eyes and looked around the room he was in. As he thought about investigating the cabinets, he found himself moving closer to them. “ _Wait...okay. So...if I think about where I want to go, I go there? I wonder...let’s see if we can pull a Dorothy._ ”

He closed his eyes and thought of his plants. He thought of his cats. The pocket watch he had left on the dresser. He remembered the unfinished sweater sitting in his desk. And through all of the things floating through his mind, one thread weaved its way through everything. Jack.

_There’s no place like home...?_

He squeezed his eyes shut as he felt the strange sensation of sun, then wind, then stillness. Hesitantly, he opened one eye. Then the other. Dark hardwood floors lay beneath his feet and dozens of houseplants surrounded him. A portly tuxedo cat laid in a sunbeam in the living room. Everything was as he left it, just devoid of any color. He was home.

“I...I did it?” He looked down at his hands. He seemed to be the only thing in his home that had any color. “I did it!!! Ha HA! Take THAT, you demonic fu-...” He stopped short as he saw movement in his periphery. He turned to see what it was, and his breath would have caught in his chest if he had any. “J-jack??? You’re...you have color?” He was so used to Jack appearingtranslucent and monochrome, insubstantial and fleeting. But now he appeared corporeal and was the only other thing, besides Ash, that was in color. _He looks so real...like I could reach out and touch him..._

“Woah...” Jack appeared just as stunned as Ash. “So do you...what’s going on here?”

“Your eyes are...so blue.”

“Ash...what _happened_ to you?” Concern replaced surprise and Jack cautiously made his way closer to Ash. “You’re here with me.”

“Last time I checked, I live here. I’m the one on the deed, you know, because of the fact that dead men can’t own houses.”

“No.” Jack placed a hand on Ash’s shoulder. It was substantial. It had weight. It didn’t pass through him like he would expect. “That’s not what I mean. I mean, you’re _here_. On this plane. Where I am.”

Ash looked down at the hand resting on his shoulder. “You...have freckles...”

“Dammit, man!” Jack shook Ash, exasperation trickling into his usually cool and collected voice. “We can talk about how handsome I am later, right now I really need you to tell me what the hell happened.”

“What? No! I’m not saying you’re handsome, th-that’s not it at all!” Ash moved his feet in a useless attempt to move backwards, but remained rooted in place. “I just...this is overwhelming. Something really bad happened, Jack. I...I shouldn’t have gone. You were right.” He hung his head. “I’m sorry.”

Jack wrapped his arms around Ash, and the auburn haired man sank into the hug. “No need to be sorry, Ash. Let’s just try and figure this out, okay?”

Ash nodded, but made no move to back away- he was content to remain in this space while he recalibrated. He could think about next steps later. For now, he allowed himself this moment of comfort. “Dammit...”

“What is it?”

“I didn’t get a chance to have my damn coffee, so now I’m gonna be _off_ all day...”

Jack blinked and moved back, placing his hands on Ash’s shoulders and holding him at arm’s length. “Wait...let me get this straight. Something horrible happened to you...”

“Yeah...”

“You’re now somehow stuck here where you shouldn’t be...”

“Guess so...”

“And you’re...hold on, let me make sure I’ve got this right. You’re...” Jack lightly shook Ash for emphasis. “...upset about missing your daily cuppa joe?”

“Yeah?” Ash was confused. “I don’t see what’s so hard to understand about that?”

“Oh, you know, just the ol’ conundrum of losing your physical form, no biggie, nothing to throw you off there, just standard Saturday fare. But GOD help you if you don’t get your cuppa, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!” Jack rubbed his temples and looked to the heavens for guidance. “Lord, grant me the strength to deal with this lunatic.”

“No offense, but I don’t think your god wants to deal with me right now.” Ash offered a dry smile.

“Jesus H, _I_ don’t think I want to deal with you right now.”

“Well, that makes three of us, then.”

Jack laughed. “Lord have mercy, man. You’re a real piece of work, you know that?” He wiped mock tears from his eyes and floated into the living room, delicately settling on the couch as he motioned for Ash to join him. “Alright, come on now, let’s have it. How can ol’ Jack help get you out of this mess you’re in?”

Ash awkwardly made his way to the living room, his path halting and erratic as his thoughts wandered. “Wish my damn feet would work.”

“You’ll get used to it...”

“Ugh. Well, whatever.” Ash frowned as his form sank down through the cushions of the couch. “The sooner we fix this, the sooner I can have my coffee.”

Jack groaned and covered his face with his hands. This was going to take a while.


	2. Something I Can Never Have

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lesson in metaphysics, a little physicality, and a failed gambit

“Well,” Jack leaned back and thoughtfully rubbed his chin. “This ain’t ideal, that’s for sure.”

“No...sure isn’t.”

“Now don’t get me wrong, I’d love to have you here on my side of things.” Jack smiled as he cast a sideways glance at Ash. “Don’t know if you can tell, but I’m a bit dizzy for you.”

“Oh my goodness.” Ash stared blankly at the black haired figure sitting opposite him, his voice monotone. “I had no idea, who could have predicted this.”

“Alright, now, no need to be cheeky.”

“No no, I’m not done.” He leaned forward and put a hand over his mouth in mock surprise. “Is it true??? Do you _like_ like me?”

“Point taken, maybe I haven’t been subtle...” Jack ran a hand through his hair and appeared unaffected by Ash’s sarcastic japing.

“Wait, wait...one more.” Ash put his chin in his hands. “Are you gonna ask me to prom???”

Jack rolled his eyes. “We didn’t have those back in my day, and you’re _way_ too old for that if the television has taught me anything. Point _taken_ , lay off, will ya?”

“Am I gonna get to have my _first kiss_ while a mediocre DJ plays top 40 hits???”

Jack, now visibly annoyed, shot Ash a look. “Careful, boyo. Best to not write any checks you aren’t prepared to cash.”

“Wait, just one more, and then I promise I’m done...”

“No no, we can be done now.” Jack set his jaw and crossed his arms.

“Are we gonna go to Make Out Point in your dad’s station wagon?” Ash burst out laughing, quite amused with himself, but stopped short as he opened his eyes to see Jack nose to nose with him, a devilish grin on his roguishly handsome face. “Heh...o-okay. I can be done now.” He reflexively cleared his throat and inched himself backwards on the couch. “I’m done.”

“Well now, don’t know about a station wagon, but I ain’t opposed to necking, since you seem so insistent.” Jack made up any distance Ash attempted to put between them.

“N-no, I was joking.” Ash laughed nervously. “ _Joking_.”

“Aye, on the surface.” Jack reached out and held Ash’s face in his hands. “But you tend to hide things that you really want behind a veil of sarcastic humor.”

“N-no I d-don’t...” Ash stammered, fruitlessly attempting to continue his escape. _Dammit, I thought I had gotten the hang of this moving around business. Why is he touching me? Why is he touching my **face**??_? Ash hated any kind of physical touch, but Jack’s hands on his cheeks sparked a sort of craving within him.

“You do. But I get it...” Jack rested his forehead against Ash’s. “Easier to hide things behind a joke than to risk asking for what you want and not getting it, ain’t it? Can’t get hurt if it’s all just a joke, right?”

A shiver ran through Ash’s form as he felt Jack’s lips brush against his as he spoke. “N-no...you’ve got it all wrong...” The words felt far away as they slipped out of Ash’s mouth.

“Have I, now?”

Ash mumbled something incoherent and closed his eyes as he tentatively reached his hands up and rested them on Jack’s. “J-jack...I...” Their lips were so close, and yet Jack was intolerably far away.

“Yes, Ash?” Jack purred and tilted his chin ever so slightly back as Ash leaned towards him, keeping his lips just out of reach and eliciting the tiniest, most frustrated growl from the smaller man.

“Come _on_ , man...” A desperate plea.

“Hmm?”

“Can you _just_...?” Ash clutched at Jack’s shirt in a clumsy attempt to pull him back in as the darker haired man chuckled and kept himself exactly just far enough away to cause Ash the maximum amount of consternation. “Come on, now...if you’ll just...”

“If I’ll just what?”

“L-look, if you’re gonna do it, j-just do it and we can get it over with...” Ash snaked his hand behind Jack’s head in an attempt to force the issue. “S-since you _obviously_ want to so bad anyways...”

“What, exactly...” Jack whispered against Ash’s lips before grabbing Ash by the collar and pulling him closer. He moved his head and continued his ask in Ash’s ear. “...would you like for me to do?” He placed a gentle kiss at the juncture between Ash’s jaw and his earlobe. “Seems to me, out of the two of us, only _one_ of us is getting all hot and bothered. So I’m just wondering _who_ wants _what_.”

“Dammit, Jack...I know exactly what you’re doing, knock it off!”

“You seem _frustrated_ , Ash...what’s got you in such a tizzy?”

Ash squirmed and ran one hand through Jack’s hair as the other made its way to his lower back. “Just, whatever it is you’re planning on doing, just do it...p-please. Please?” The accusation turned in on itself and came out on the other side as a frenetic request.

“Tell me exactly what you want...” Jack grazed his teeth against Ash’s earlobe. “...and I’m happy to oblige.”

A frustrated moan escaped from Ash, and he pressed himself up against Jack as much as he physically could as Jack continued to administer delicate kisses down Ash’s neck. Every place his body touched Jack’s buzzed hot and electric- it was like nothing he had experienced previously and he desperately craved more. “Nng...wh...what is this?”

“Hmm? What’s what?” Jack lazily inquired as he moved his head back up and rested his forehead against Ash’s once more.

“You...when you touch me...”

“Ain’t it obvious?”

“N-no, that’s not what I mean...” Ash put his hands on Jack’s cheeks and regarded his cerulean blue eyes with curiosity. “When you touch me, it’s like licking a battery...but with my body? This is...fascinating. And I think it may hold the key to how I can get my body back...but I just gotta figure out _how_.”

“Oh lord,” Jack rolled his eyes. “Please don’t go all scientist on me, man...not now. I’m happy to go down this rabbit hole with you...just. Later.”

“What??? I’m just curious...like...what causes that?” Ash ran a hand through Jack’s hair and watched how it fell back down against his temple. “Are we just collections of electrical impulses left over from our physical forms? But then, if that’s the case, how do we maintain these ‘physical’ forms in this realm? And where _is_ this realm?”

“Shhh...no more science stuff, now where were we?” Jack put a finger against Ash’s lips and grinned as he went back to laying down kisses upon Ash’s neck, though slightly more aggressively than before. “Mmm...that’s right, I believe there was something you wanted me to do...”

Ash arched his back as he felt Jack’s teeth against his neck, but he refused to be deterred. “But I have _questions_...!” He clutched Jack’s shoulders as the dark haired man set about unbuttoning his shirt. “I need answers! How d’you expect me to formulate a cogent hypothesis if I don’t have enough information???”

“Ain’t got any answers for you at the moment, my man, I’m a bit busy.” He nipped at Ash’s neck as he slid a hand under the flustered man’s shirt. “Now, what oh what did you want me to do...”

“Wh-what if we make a deal...”

Jack paused in his ministrations. “...come again?”

“A d-deal...” Ash bit his lip as electricity sang through his form. “You answer my questions, and then y-you can tell me what you think it is I want you to do, and...you know...do whatever it is that you think I want you to do...”

“You’re...not serious, are you?”

“I think it’s a good deal, personally...”

Jack laughed. “For you, maybe!”

“I mean, you get to do what you so obviously want to do, I get answers, it’s win win.” Ash idly ran his hands down Jack’s sides.

“You realize that this allows you to skate around what I’m trying to get you to do...” Jack ran his thumb across Ash’s lips as he rested a hand against the man’s cheek. “...which completely defeats the purpose. So sorry, but no dice.”

“C’mon, it’s a great deal!” Ash grabbed Jack’s hand and turned his head slightly to gently kiss his palm. He desperately wanted Jack to continue touching him. “I get something I want, and you get something you want. Win win.” A little hum of contentment sneaked out of him from under Jack’s hand.

“Hmm...well, by my count...” Jack smirked at the noise of desperation that he elicited from Ash as he pressed his hips harder against him. “You’re actually walking away from this deal with all the cash. And I’m left holding the bag.”

Ash hooked a leg around Jack as he continued to kiss his hand. “N-nonsense! You really come out on top here, _trust_ me.” He moved Jack’s hand back down to his chest before clumsily fumbling with the buttons on the dark haired man’s shirt, surprising himself with how much he was enjoying this. _Come on now, Ash, get ahold of yourself! Don’t lose sight of what you need to do. There is a demon running amok in your body, and you’re sitting here playing grab-ass with a damn ghost? This must just be a stress reaction...that’s it, a stress reaction._

“Oh, Ash...” Jack’s voice was low and smoky. “...you’ve made a valiant effort at attempting to trick me, I’ll give you that. But you can’t grift a grifter. So...I’ll make _you_ a deal. Tell me what you want me to do...” He leaned down and placed a tantalizing kiss upon Ash’s lips. “...and I’ll do you the kindness of not only fulfilling your _every_ request, but I’ll also answer any question you ask of me.” He made a low noise of satisfaction as Ash’s hands made their way under his shirt, confident he had finally worn down the slippery little man. “Well, as long as I have the answer, at le-...” Jack stopped mid sentence and his eyes went wide. “Oh no...”

Ash blinked, verdant green eyes searching Jack’s face for answers to the sudden shift in mood. “Oh no, what? What’s wrong? D-did I do something wrong?” Panic began to settle in Ash’s chest. _Shit. Shit! I knew this was too good to be true, I knew I was going to screw something up. Dammit, man! How did I manage to screw this up???_

“No, it’s nothing you’ve done...” Jack shook his head and then rested a finger on Ash’s now exposed chest. “...it’s this...”

Ash looked down and saw the symbol that the demon had carved into his chest. Instead of being a wound in the more traditional sense, it instead appeared as a series of lines that glowed with a curious cyan blue light. “Oh...that...”

“This is bad, man...”

Ash sat up as Jack moved back. “I mean, the whole situation is bad.”

“Well, yes. But this makes it even worse.” Jack sighed and shook his head as he floated up off of the couch and began ‘pacing’ the living room. “I remember this from one of the books Frankie let me borrow...”

“W-wait, Frankie’s giving you _books_...?”

“Ex _cuse_ me, I’m allowed to have interests. And yes, she’s been bringing books to me about different metaphysical subjects, and in exchange, I’m teaching her...” His eyes flitted to the coat closet. “...uh. Unimportant what I’m teaching her, what _is_ important is that this wasn’t just a run of the mill demon that’s taking your body on a joy ride.”

Ash frowned and idly poked at the symbol on his chest.

“You see...” Jack paused in front of Ash. “Not just any demon knows this sigil. Only the highest level ones know this type of magic. They’ve branded you. They’ve branded your _core_.”

“My...core?” Ash placed his hand over the glowing sigil and felt a strange humming sensation emanating from within his chest.

“Aye...not all spirits have them. In fact, it’s rather rare. Unique factor of having your body still up and about, and all that jazz.” Jack rubbed the back of his head and swore under his breath. “Your core ties you to your physical form, like an anchor- and they’ve _branded_ it.”

“That sounds bad.”

“Well it ain’t good news, that’s for sure. About the worst thing that can happen to a living person is for a demon to brand their core. Means that bloody bastard can come on in at any time, bump out your spirit, and ghost ride your body whenever they feel like it.” Jack shook his head. “And so long as your body exists, no one on that plane can see your spirit form. Well, unless they’re capable of existing in both planes, like a demon, for example...”

“...ah.” Ash clutched at his chest as panic began to rise up within him. “So...do you have a core...?”

Jack shook his head.

“Because your body is no longer alive?”

Jack nodded. “Had one for a hot minute, but my body didn’t last long after those crooked coppers filled me with daylight. See, once the body dies, the core destabilizes. And then, depending on a whole bunch of other factors, you either get a new anchor and remain on as a spirit, or you go off to some other place.”

“So, what factors were in place that kept you here as a spirit?”

Jack stared at the ground. “Oh, that’s a tragic tale that we should save for another time.” A smile laced with sadness found its way to his lips, and he quickly shook his head as if to shake the sadness off of himself. “Right now, what’s important is that we figure out how to get you out of this mess.”

“But, I mean...” Ash’s voice broke. “...you can’t _un_ brand a brand, can you?”

“Things aren’t so absolute when it comes to this realm, lucky for you.” Jack winked and playfully nudged Ash’s shoulder in an attempt to lift his mood. “Best way to nullify a brand is to force that bastard out of your body, and then destroy it. Once the demon who created the sigil has been destroyed, the brand dissipates. Like it wasn’t ever there.”

Ash shook his head and looked down at his hands. “But...but I _can’t_...”

“Well, not with that attitude.”

“No, you don’t understand. I’m...I’m not equipped to destroy a demon. There’s a whole separate team for that. I’m just...supernatural animal control. I catch them and bring them to containment, any that I’ve actually destroyed have been pure chance. There’s a whole separate team for decontamination and extermination. I’m...worse than useless when it comes to actually taking care of a problem. I’m a weak link in an even weaker chain.” Ash felt himself getting choked up as the gravity of his situation began to weigh heavier on him. “All I can do is tell the relevant teams, but I’m stuck here...without my body. So I can’t even do that now.” If he could have cried, he was certain he would be crying.

“Hey now, you’ve got more gumption than anyone I’ve ever met.” Jack gently shook Ash by the shoulders. “You’ve got moxie. No matter what the odds, that brain of yours don’t accept defeat. Ain’t no problem that can withstand the likes of Dr. Ash Langley!”

Ash groaned and put his face in his hands. “Not everything can be solved with _gumption_ and _moxie_.”

“Maybe not, but it’s a necessary component to start with when you’re in dire straights.” Jack shrugged and floated next to Ash on the sofa. “So we just have to find a place to start...”

Ash reflexively sighed and nodded. “You’re right. I think...if I can just think about it, I can find a solution...”

“That’s the _spirit_...” Jack grinned a painfully cheesy grin.

Ash couldn’t help but laugh.

“There we go, now...what’s our first step, Dr. Langley?”

“Jeez, don’t call me that, it’s weird...” Ash absently rubbed his chest and stopped as he felt that thrumming sensation again. “Wait a minute...” He narrowed his eyes and attempted to remember something. “...back in the clinic. That sound...” He thought for a minute before turning to Jack. “Hey Jack?”

“Yeah...?”

“Do demons have cores?”

Jack stroked his chin as he thought. “I’m not sure. Ain’t come up in any of the books I’ve read, and I make a point to not get close to any demons if I can help it.” He shuddered. “Those bastards can rip through a coreless spirit like myself as easy as running a hot knife through butter. Your core actually gives you an advantage- they can’t rip you apart, they have to get to your core first.”

“They have to get to my core first...” Ash mumbled and tapped his lips. “Okay, so, hypothetically...” Ash floated up off the couch and began idly circling the coffee table as he thought. “...if a demon did have a core, how could it be accessed?”

“Well, I mean, you just reach in and grab it.”

“Grab it?”

“Or shove it out, plenty of ways to access a core...” Jack narrowed his eyes. “But it’s a pretty big gamble to assume that they have one if you don’t know for sure. Getting that close is dicey. Just as easy for them to get you by _your_ core.”

“Sure sure sure, dangerous, yeah yeah, whatever...” Ash waved off Jack’s concerns. “Once accessed, in theory, it can be destroyed, yes...?”

“Y-yes?” Jack looked distinctly uncomfortable. “But Ash, you don’t _know_ if they have cores. You’re putting a lot of money on this bet and all you got is a pair of twos...”

“But I may get a three of a kind in the next pull, and then I’ll have a full house.” Ash grinned, a frenetic energy consuming him as he continued thinking of his plan. “Okay, so how do you destroy a core?”

Jack blinked. “Well, I mean, how do you destroy anything?”

“No, I mean, is there some kind of spell or special incantation or reagent or something?”

“No...” Jack’s voice went soft. “...you just...they’re painfully delicate, cores are.”

“Meaning...?”

“Delicate as glass...”

“So you can just...break them...?” Ash slowed his circling as he regarded Jack. Something was off. He was so still, so quiet. Jack nodded his head in response but didn’t make a sound. “H-hey...you okay, man?”

Jack shook his head.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“It’s just that...” An intense melancholy washed across his features. “...happened to my mum. She came back for me, you see. Felt she got a raw deal.” He shook his head and looked up at Ash, a century of woe in his rich, blue eyes. “Thing is, the house always wins...”

“So...a demon destroyed...your mom’s core...?”

Jack snorted. “Hell no, ma wasn’t _stupid_. Proud, but not stupid. _Reckless_ , but not stupid. Made a deal with the Fair Folk, though. So of course the odds were stacked from the get go. She cried foul. Said it wasn’t fair what they done. How could they take her precious baby boy from her, that wasn’t what she asked for. Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera...” He shrugged. “No surprise, her pleas fell on deaf ears. And, type of personality she had, well, one day she went too far. Never a good idea to vex the fae. Won’t go well for you.”

Ash settled down next to Jack on the couch. “S-so...what happened...?”

“The Winter Queen...executed her. In the most permanent way.” Jack bit his lip and looked up at the ceiling. “Shattered her core...i-it...was snowing. And I just remember the pieces falling down like the snow. Part of the punishment, was that I had to watch them unmake my mother. I...was the reason for it all. She challenged them because of _me_. So I had to watch her spirit unravel like a sweater caught on a nail. And with it, her physical form followed in short order.”

“I’m...so sorry, Jack.”

“Her core burned the most brilliant green.” He turned to Ash, a sad smile playing about his lips. “Funny thing,...it was the same green as your eyes. That same arsenic green color...” His voice trailed off and his eyes locked onto a place in the middle distance.

“Huh...” Ash looked down at the cyan blue emanating from his own chest. “...so...was it weird to finally see what color my eyes were?”

Jack shook his head. “I’ve known what color they were since the day you moved in.”

“Wh-what...? But...nothing has color in the physical realm for anything in this realm, does it?”

“I sure as shit didn’t think so. But it was the strangest damn thing.” He put an arm around Ash’s shoulders. “Near a century gone by, ain’t seen nothing but black and white. And you stroll in and Bam! That green nearly knocked me out of my shoes. First color I’d seen in almost a hundred years.”

Ash blinked. “Wow. That...has to mean something.” He idly fussed with the stubble on his chin as he thought.

“I think it means we’re meant to be together.” Jack pulled Ash close.

“Alright, alright...” Ash shook his head and attempted to shrug Jack’s arm off of him. “But seriously, how do you access a core? You said you can just reach in and grab it, but I’m not seeing _how_. I can’t go through things on this plane like I can with things on the physical plane.”

Jack rolled his eyes. “You’re really not going to let this go, are you?”

“Nope.”

“Fine. Suppose I could show you...seeing as you’ve got one and all.”

Ash blanched. “Sh-show me?”

“Bit tricky to explain, more intuitive than anything.” Jack interlaced his fingers and stretched his hands. “First thing, is you gotta unfocus your attention from whatever it is that you’re gonna use to grab the thing. Like the opposite of what you gotta do to interact with things.”

“Okay...” Ash furrowed his brow as he attempted to do what Jack was instructing him to do.

“If you’ve done it right, you should be able to pass through me.”

Ash reached out a hand and tentatively poked at Jack. He made a noise of frustration as he met resistance.

“It’s tricky, like I said.” Jack shrugged. “Now, let me show you...”

Ash looked down at Jack’s hands as he gently pressed them against his chest. A brief moment of resistance, and Ash yelped as he felt an electric current sing through his entire form. He felt Jack’s essence mingle with his own, equal measures pleasant and painful- Ash knew he probably shouldn’t be enjoying this as much as he was. _Come on, now. This is for science, quit getting all weird about it...detach yourself from it!_

“You okay?” Jack’s voice was calm and quiet, but something in his eyes told Ash he was experiencing something similar. “I can stop if you want...”

Ash shook his head. “N-no...keep going. I need to know...I want you to keep going.” He bit his lip and offered a brief smile at Jack before looking back down at his chest.

“Suit yourself...” Jack’s voice was like smoke dancing across a mirror-still lake. “...the core is always in the same place. Right where your heart would be. And once you reach it...” He closed his eyes as a shiver visibly went through him. “...you can just...take it out...”

Ash whimpered and clutched at Jack’s shoulders to steady himself as a symphony of exquisite pleasure and excruciating pain cascaded throughout his form. He watched as Jack’s hands slowly moved back out of his chest, and brought with them a glowing blue orb about the size of a grapefruit. “Is that...?” The words seemed far away as they fell from his lips.

Jack chuckled. “Yeah...”

“It’s beautiful...” Ash was mesmerized. As he looked closer at the glowing ball that Jack was holding in his hands, he noticed that it was actually a series of bands swiftly rotating around a central point of light. A fine gold script flowed over the bands, constantly moving and changing as the bands rotated around the brightly glowing ball in the middle. However, one band stood out from the rest- at the very outermost edge, a charcoal black band with acidic green symbols inlaid in it sluggishly rotated around the center. “What’s the deal with that one?” Ash’s finger hovered over the outlier.

“That must be the brand...”

“Hmm...and I can’t like...just break that one?”

Jack looked horrified at the suggestion. “What? No! God, man, are you daft?”

“Surely it’s not load bearing or anything like that.”

Jack shook his head. “It isn’t as simple as that. Everything relies on everything else. The whole structure is interwoven.” He delicately ran a finger across the outer surface and a zing of pleasure ripped through Ash. “One thing gets damaged, the whole core destabilizes.”

“Ah...” Ash cleared his throat. “So the only way is to destroy the demon, and that one will go away?”

“Yeah.” Jack smiled as he absently ran his fingers across the rotating bands at various points.

Ash shuddered. “O-okay...you can...p-put it back now.”

“Oh...yeah, sorry...” Jack smiled sheepishly before gently placing the core back inside of Ash’s chest. He removed his hands from the trembling man’s torso and flopped back onto the couch with a noise of satisfaction. “Jesus H, I feel like I need a cigarette after that...”

“That certainly was...intense...” Ash buttoned up his shirt and smoothed out his clothes. “But next step...how do I get the son of a bitch out of my body so I can get his core out.”

Jack leaned his head back and growled with frustration. “Good God, man, what did I just tell you? You don’t know if it has a core, and if you get that close, and you gamble and lose on this, you’ll have put yourself in a terribly dangerous position.”

“Jack.”

“What?” Jack snapped back, halfway between tired and furious.

“You have to trust me.” Ash put a reassuring hand on Jack’s knee. “When he was pushing my spirit out of my body, I heard a noise. I...I thought it was like a purr? But then I realized that it was the same noise that my core makes, only it was louder. Like it was being revved up.”

“You’re...sure about this?”

Ash nodded. “Ninety-three percent sure, at least.”

“Not a hundred, though...”

“You can never be a hundred percent sure.” Ash shrugged. “At least not about this kind of stuff. But I think ninety three percent is good enough for a situation like this. It’s high stakes. And it’s high stakes with _my_ life, so I intend on winning.”

Jack rubbed his chin as he regarded Ash. “But you’re confident?”

“Confident as I can be.”

“Well, then I guess that’s as good as we can get.” Jack leaned back on the couch and put his hands over his face as he rubbed his eyes. “Alright, so there are a few ways to get a demon out of your body, but the easiest is to force them out with one of their banes. But it’s tricky, because different demons have different banes...”

“Okay, well, are there any common universal banes?” Ash leaned forward, elbows on his knees.

“I mean, sure.” Jack rolled his eyes and idly rested his hand on Mulder’s plush form as he jumped up and chirped at Ash for attention. “Holy water, quicksilver, holy relics...but those ain’t exactly easy to get ahold of. It’s just easier to get them with one of their personal banes.”

Ash nodded and got up from the couch as he continued his thinking circuit around the coffee table. “Okay...so I’ve got enough information to come up with something. Just have to think it through.” He spent a few minutes circling the table before settling back down on the couch next to Jack. “I’m just...distracted. This is really difficult to do in this state.” He cleared his throat and rubbed his temples. “I think I need to find a way to unwind.”

Jack arched a brow and the corner of his mouth quirked up in a mischievous smile. “Oh, really? Do you now?” He turned to face Ash and ran a finger down his shirt front. “Well, you _are_ wound pretty tight...”

“H-hey, I’m not tightly w-wound...” Ash stammered, watching Jack’s finger as it moved down his torso towards the waistline of his pants.

Jack laughed. “Oh, please. You’re like a damn harp that has every. Single. String. Strung _far_ too tight.”

“I hardly think that’s the case...” Ash huffed.

“Well, I definitely think that’s the case.” Jack tugged on Ash’s belt buckle. “And I’d _love_ to pluck your strings.” He licked his lips and paused as he regarded Ash. “So maybe we can pick up where we left off earlier?”

“I dunno...seems like you want to, so whatever...”

“Christ, not this again...” Jack growled in Ash’s ear as he forcefully pulled the smaller man against himself. “Make a decision, man...I know what I want to do, what do _you_ want to do?”

Ash nodded. “I...I want...” _No! Knock it off, man...don’t encourage him. He’s just getting in your head. You’re vulnerable, and that’s it. Find comfort someplace else._

“Yeah...?”

“I...want you to...” He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to silence the conflicting voices in his head. “I want...” _Nothing! You don’t want anything, this will only go poorly..._ He felt a crushing weight in his chest as he imagined all the terrible possibilities fanning out in front of him like a bad hand of cards. Rejection. Loss. Messy endings. What was going to happen when he got back in his body?

“C’mon now...”

Ash’s eyes snapped open as he suddenly became aware of something in the periphery of his consciousness. “My body!”

“Mmm...” Jack nipped at Ash’s collarbone. “I want your body, too...”

“N-no, shut up...” Ash grabbed Jack’s face as the dark haired man shot him an offended look. “My body...I can sense it...I know where it is. It’s close...” Panic crawled up from his center and danced across his face. “Jack...you gotta hide...he...he found my house somehow. He’s on his way _here_. You’ve gotta hide and _don’t come out_ until he’s gone, no matter what.”

“O-okay...” Jack nodded and floated up towards the ceiling. “I’m good as gone. You gonna be alright? You can come hide with me if you want...”

“No, I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me.” Ash floated off towards the hallway so he could watch the door without being easily spotted. “I need to get a better read on this bastard...”

*******

Ash hovered motionlessly in the hallway, eyes transfixed on the door. Finally, he heard the tumblers clicking in the lock, and subconsciously faded into the shadows in the hallway. He narrowed his eyes as he heard not one, but _two_ voices. _Wait...that’s my voice and...Frankie??? No no no...you son of a bitch...you leave my friends out of this!_ He clenched his jaw and steeled himself as the door opened.

He watched as his body waltzed in, an unnaturally charming smile gracing his unshaven face. “I gotta say, Frankie, that was fun _and_ informative!” He threw Ash’s keys on the island in the kitchen as he strolled past it. “You have so much to teach me about 18th century British literature...it’s just all so _captivating_.”

Ash scowled from his hiding place in the hallway. _Ugh no. No no no. Frankie, wake up, that isn’t me!!! You know how much I hate British lit, come on!_ His nerves ran raw as he continued to watch on from the shadows. _Frankie please you know me better than this! I’m nowhere near this witty or charming, I’m way sweatier than this...open your eyes!_

The demon possessing Ash’s body cracked a wicked grin as he made eye contact with Ash from across the living room. “ _Anyways_ what say you and I watch some Netflix?” He stopped in the kitchen and held up a bottle of wine. “I’ve got this lovely Cabernet that I’ve been _dying_ to share with someone.”

Ash growled and felt something inside of himself snap. “ _You damn, dirty bastard, you keep your filthy hands off my friends! And my wine!! I wasn’t intending on sharing that with anyone!!_ ” He zipped over to the duo, completely blowing his cover, and turned to Frankie as Demon Ash’s smile widened. “ _Come on, Frankie, don’t buy into it, that isn’t me! Y-you know I’m a sad sack of shit who drinks by himself, don’t you???_ ”

Frankie smiled and moved right through Ash as she set her purse on the kitchen island next to Ash’s keys. He was right...it did feel pretty terrible. “I’m just so surprised that you asked to go with me to the exhibit. I always thought you hated that stuff.”

“ _I do! Frankie, I **do** hate it!!_”

“I’ve had a change of heart.” The demon poured two glasses of the wine and offered one to Frankie, briefly shooting Ash a glance filled with malevolent satisfaction before beckoning for Frankie to join him on the couch.

Frankie set her wine glass down and tilted her head. Suspicion glinted in her eyes. However, as she opened her mouth to speak, two black blurs came bolting down the hallway from Ash’s bedroom. Ear piercing yowls emanated from the exaggerated forms of Mulder and Special Agent Dale Cooper as the two tuxedo cats cornered the demon, wailing and spitting, practically daring the false Ash to make a move. Their tails lashed and their fur bristled, making both already large cats seem even larger.

“Vicious beasts!!!” The demon shrieked, quickly backing away as both cats advanced upon him. “Be _gone_ you vile creatures!”

“Ash!” Frankie scolded him. “What the hell?!”

Demon Ash blanched. “Ah...y-yes, that’s right. These are _my_ vile creatures.” He cautiously bent down and reached out an arm to attempt to pet a very hostile Special Agent Dale Cooper. “N-nice...kitty...”

“Ash, I think they’re upset, I don’t think that’s a good ide-...” Frankie was cut off by a yelp of pain from Ash’s body as Special Agent Dale Cooper decided to expose the demon to each of his pointiest parts. He dug his teeth into Demon Ash’s arm as powerful back legs kicked through the green and white flannel shirt, leaving a roadmap of bright red down his forearm.

Ash howled with laughter, but stopped himself as he began to worry about the demon harming his cats. “ _Alright, boys, I think you’ve done enough, come here..._ ” He crouched down and smiled smugly at the demon as the cats trotted over to him and sat down expectantly.

“Oh, Jesus, are you okay?” Frankie gingerly grabbed Ash’s arm and sharply inhaled through her teeth as she assessed the damage. “What happened?”

“Well, you see...” The demon quickly fabricated a lie. “I was visiting a shelter, I’ve been thinking about getting a _dog_ , you see, and they must have smelled it on me.”

“Ah...I see...” Frankie nodded and pulled her phone from her pocket. “Well, you should go take care of that. Looks pretty nasty...”

“Will...you help patch me up...?” Demon Ash attempted a helpless smile.

“Aren’t you trained in first aid?”

“Well, I mean, yes, but...I would just feel so much better if _you_ did it...”

Frankie arched a brow. “You have _specifically_ told me to not touch you literally every single other time you’ve been hurt.” She narrowed her eyes. “You’re acting really _weird_ , Ash. Like...weirder than usual.”

“Nonsense!” The demon chuckled nervously. He periodically eyed the two black and white cats that were now napping under the coffee table. “I’ll just go...attend to this.” He cast a sour look at Ash as he passed him, turning right down the hallway.

“ _Bathroom’s the other way..._ ” Ash floated over to Frankie as he listened to the grumbling demon stalk down the hall towards the guest bathroom. She was drafting a message to her mentor, but Ash had other plans for her phone. He tentatively put a finger to her phone screen and felt excitement rise within him as he was able to get the Notes app to open up. _Okay, I don’t have much time, gotta make this count..._ He focused on the screen in an attempt to will the words to the app.

“Dammit, come _on_ now, I just upgraded!” Frankie heaved an exasperated sigh as she attempted to close out the app, but paused as the letters began appearing.

“ **not me1 here bad ash** ”

She looked around and held the phone close to her chest to obscure it. Quickly, she typed a response. “ **Who is this?** ”

Ash rolled his eyes. “ **ash** ”

“ **Then who’s in the bathroom right now?** ”

“ **bad** ”

“ **Are you okay?** ”

“ **h elp** ” Ash sank down into the couch as he began to feel disoriented. Jack had warned him that it took a lot of energy to interact with electronic devices in this way.

“ **How can I help?** ”

Frankie nervously looked up as she heard a door open down the hall. There was no response on her phone.

“ **Ash???** ”

She quickly stowed her phone and smiled as what appeared to be Ash emerged from the hallway, arm covered in bloody bandages. “How’d it go?”

“Good as new!” He grinned and brandished the poorly bandaged arm before flopping down on the couch next to Frankie.

Frankie casually moved slightly further from him as she eyed the bandages.

“ _Alright, alright, back off, buddy..._ ” Ash floated up between the two, and cursed as the demon inched his body ever closer to the now very uncomfortable looking young woman. “ _What did I just tell you? Back off..._ ” Ash maneuvered himself to the other side of the coffee table and swatted at the remote. Frankie’s eyes went wide as the device went flying.

Ash’s body grabbed Frankie’s chin and delicately turned her head back to face him. Frankie firmly grabbed his wrist and moved his hand away from her face, but it didn’t seem to deter the demon. Ash wanted to barf as he watched himself attempt to charm one of his dearest friends. “You know, you have to most _beautiful_ eyes, Frankie. So rich and deep...I can just tell they hold so many secrets.” He leaned forward. “I’d love for you to let me in on one of those secrets...”

“ _Augh, you are kidding me! If I could puke, buddy, you’d be covered in it!_ ” Ash repeatedly slapped the coffee table, the coasters rattling with each spectral strike. Mulder and Special Agent Dale Cooper hightailed it out of the living room and made their way back into the computer room in the back of the house. “ _Enough! Enough!!! I’ve had **enough**!!!_” The lights began flickering furiously, and then the room made a low ‘whumpf’ noise as the electronics in the front half of the house powered down. _Did...did I blow the breaker?_ Ash blinked as he looked around.

The demon made a frustrated growl and stared daggers at Ash. “Pesky little gnat...” He snarled under his breath.

“Ash...I think maybe I should go, you’re acting really strange. You know I don’t like you like that.” Frankie crammed her phone in her pocket. “And you shouldn’t be acting like this, you’re really going to upset Jack. In fact, I think you already _have_.” Her tone was that of a disappointed educator.

Ash’s body blinked. “Who the fuck is _Jack_?”

Frankie froze. “Excuse me?”

“Ohhhhh you mean Jack....”

“Yeah...you know...” Frankie slowly got up off the couch and began backing away towards the door. “...that cat that just shredded your arm.”

“Right, right, of course.” Demon Ash nodded. “Yes, well, wouldn’t want to further incense the little beast...”

“No. We sure wouldn’t.” Frankie quickly made her way to the kitchen, scooped up her purse, and then went to the door. “Well, I’ve gotta run. This has been great, talk to you later!”

The demon sighed and cast a baleful glare at Ash as the door clicked shut. “Well, well, well...I hope you’re happy, you little worm.” He sighed and casually advanced upon Ash’s spectral form. “But don’t think that this means you’ve won. I still have many ways to throw your pitiful little life into chaos.”

Ash frowned as he regarded himself. “ _Jeez, man, why didn’t anyone tell me I was such a mess._ ”

“What?” The demon was now nose to nose with him.

“ _I look like hell. I really should have been taking care of myself._ ” He winced. “ _Yikes...I look like I haven’t slept in twenty years._ ”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“ _I’m just saying, this whole being possessed thing is really a blessing in disguise._ ” He shrugged. “ _Really a wake up call to see myself from the outside. I really need to take better care of myself._ ”

The demon snarled and narrowed his eyes. “I don’t know what you’re trying to do, but it won’t work.”

Ash put his hands up. “ _Woah, buddy, I’m not trying to do anything. I’m powerless here, I don’t know what I’d even accomplish. You’re clearly the more powerful being. No point in me even trying._ ” He was absolutely trying to do something. If he could vex the demon enough, maybe it would leave his body of its own accord to try and attack him. It was high risk, but Ash was desperate to have his body back.

Ash watched his eyebrow raise to a comically high degree.

“ _I’m just sorry you’re in such a disgusting, sweaty body._ ” Ash pulled a face. “ _Like...have I always been this sweaty? How do people even put up with me. Why am I so **sweaty**???_”

“Your body’s hormonal problems are not my concern...”

“ _Well, they are now._ ” Ash shrugged and made a big show of side stepping the demon before floating towards the bedroom. “ _I mean, you’re the one in it. Sweating so profusely. Like. A lot._ ” He shook his head and floated towards the master bedroom, smirking as he felt the demon stalking after him. “ _It’s honestly grossing me out, let me show you where my shirts are so you can change. Gotta be honest with you, it’s probably why ol’ Frankie bolted like that...you touched her with my gross, sweaty hands._ ”

“I am inclined to believe that it was the _tantrum_ you threw.” The demon eyed him suspiciously.

Ash opened the closet and crossed his arms. “ _Nah, it was the sweating. I’m sure of it. Frankie isn’t spooked by a little paranormal activity. But what she **doesn’t** like is sweaty, disgusting creeps making unwanted passes at her._” He slapped a pale yellow shirt out of the demon’s hands. “ _No, not that one, it’s not as soft as I like. Don’t you have a file on me or something? Like, did you do any homework at all before you decided to commandeer my body? Because if you did, you’d know that she actually dumped me already for being so sweaty._ ” Ash lied through his teeth, but with no physical tells he felt incredibly bold. “ _So what you did there was a rookie mistake. Have you ever possessed anyone before? Like ever???_ ”

“I’d watch your tone with me, maggot.”

“ _Sorry, it’s just really hard to take someone in such a puny, pathetic form seriously._ ”

“I will make you regret being born.” Demon Ash hissed as he snatched a cornflower blue shirt off of a hanger before Ash had the chance to slap it out of his hands.

Ash laughed riotously, the sound echoing off of every wall in the house. He felt something in himself break. “ _Have I got news for you!_ ” He floated at eye level with the demon, crossing his legs and propping his chin on his palms. “ _I already regret being born! My life is just one miserable catastrophe after another._ ”

The demon blinked, surprise and suspicion on his face as he regarded Ash.

“ _If you want to talk worthless, I’m your guy. Heck, I’m so worthless, I can’t even bring myself to make my exit from this grand shit show we call life._ ” He rolled up his sleeves on his spectral form to reveal the faint lines of scars running up his forearms. “ _Sure, I tried it, but I could never actually go through with it. Another one of my great failings, no follow through!_ ”

“This won’t work on me...” The demon cautiously backed out of the closet, eyes narrowing as Ash aggressively floated after him. “..whatever bizarre mental trick you’re trying, it won’t work!”

“ _You sound more like you’re trying to convince yourself than me._ ” Ash had snapped. He had had enough, and decades worth of self-loathing and anger was finally bubbling over. He was sick of this demon inhabiting his body. Sick of being five foot four. Sick of his bills. Sick of his job. Sick of the fact that this asshole hadn’t taken the time to go reset the breaker. Sick of the whole mess he was in. “ _Dave- can I call you Dave?_ ”

“No?”

“ _Tough shit, Dave, you’re Dave now._ ” Ash began knocking items off of his shelves as he pursued the newly named Dave. “ _Here’s the thing, I’ve had it, Dave! You say you want me to suffer??? Well, have fun living my life, because it’s suffering all the way down! I have to work at a job I hate for far too little money with little to no safety equipment, and why? Why do I do it??? I don’t even fucking know anymore!_ ”

“A-alright now...”

“ _I wanted answers, and you know what I’ve gotten?_ ” He made an exaggerated shrugging motion. “ _Demons! No offense, Dave, but if I have to see another fucking demon in the wild, I’m going to lose my damn mind! And do you know what tool they give me? To deal with the demons?_ ”

Dave tilted his head as he waited for the answer.

“ _A rope on a stick._ ”

“You’re...not serious.” Dave narrowed his eyes. “This is another one of your tricks.”

Ash’s laugh was high pitched and delirious. “ _Buddy, I wish I was lying! But I’m not! Your boys were subdued by a noose on a stick. Like a damn raccoon._ ”

“Well,...” Dave stroked his chin as he regarded Ash. “Perhaps I could go in and hand in your resignation?”

“ _Would you???_ ”

“...what? You...want me to go in and quit your job?”

“ _Man, if you could do that, it would save me a lot of trouble._ ”

“Tch...I’m not here to save you trouble.” Dave narrowed his eyes. “What is _wrong_ with you? You know, most people in your position would be a lot more _concerned_.”

“ _I already fucking told you._ ” Ash growled. “ _I’ll give you this, though, you have given me a measure of suffering that I hadn’t anticipated. So thank you. Thanks so much for that. It’s great. Lovely, really._ ”

“Why are you thanking me?” Dave looked at Ash with a dangerous curiosity. “I haven’t even done anything that you would be aware of yet.”

“ _Do you know, Dave, what it’s like to want something so desperately, but know that you can never have it? To long so intensely and completely for something that is just an absolute impossibility?_ ” He spent so much time bottling everything up that he couldn’t stop things from flooding out now that his emotions were boiling over. “ _You become used to the status quo. You put it at the back of your mind, and you can ignore it and go about your day, because you know in your heart that there’s no possibility of having it. It doesn’t bother you, or if it does, you can shut it down because you don’t know what you’re missing. But then! You had to go and...and give me a taste of what I was missing. Make it possible for me to know what I could have had._ ”

Dave had begun to circle Ash like a predator. “Hmm...I see...”

“ _Do you know what it’s like to crave something you can’t have? Something just out of reach??? Something you want m-more than anything, but that you know you can never have?_ ” Ash’s voice broke as desperation crept in. He hung his head, defeated. “ _It...it takes you apart. It permeates everything- everywhere you look, everything you do. You can’t escape it. Everything...everything fucking reminds you of it._ ”

The demon chuckled. “Of course...to **_yearn_**...” He delicately placed a hand under Ash’s chin and lifted his head up. “To yearn is such _exquisite_ suffering...oh, little rabbit. I really thought you had some kind of plan, but it seems you were just kicking up dust.” He let go of Ash’s chin and confidently buttoned up the shirt he had changed into. “My only question, is why on earth would you give me such valuable information?”

Ash looked at his palms. “ _B-....because you look like me..._ ”

“Ah...and it’s easy to tell yourself these things, because you’re familiar, hmm?”

“ _No._ ” Ash looked up at the demon, his eyes burning with conviction. “ _Because I **hate** myself._”

Dave looked at him quizzically. “You’re...a very _strange_ human, you know that?”

Ash looked back down at his hands and settled on the floor.

“Well, I’ll leave you to your sorrow.” The demon made his way to the door and gave one last look back at Ash. “Say, should I stay at the Omni, or the Driskill? Which one is more _expensive_. I think I’ll have some fun maxing out your credit cards staying somewhere else since you’re being such a downer.”

“ _Stay at the Driskill..._ ” Ash mumbled from the floor. “ _...that one’s got ghosts._ ”

“As you wish.” With one last malicious grin, the demon slipped out the door and Ash felt despair cover him like a heavy blanket as he heard the tumblers click and the deadbolt turned to the locked position.

 _Way to go, Ash. Messed things up again. Maybe this is all for the best...maybe if he screws things up enough, it’ll finally push me over the edge._ He lifted his head as a familiar chill settled next to him.

“...things got away from you there, huh...” Jack looked sad and concerned.

Ash nodded. “Yeah...guess they did.” He felt ashamed- he hated seeing Jack sad. _It’s...because of me..._ He winced as Jack placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “D-don’t touch me...please...” Ash’s voice was laced with a keen ache.

Jack removed his hand. “Okay, I’m sorry. Do...you want me to leave you alone?”

Ash shook his head furiously.

“Okay then. I’ll sit right here with you.” Jack smiled and Ash felt another pain lance him through the chest. “And we don’t have to say anything or do anything. You just let me know if you need anything.”

“Thank you...” Ash closed his eyes. “I...appreciate you, Jack.”

“I know, Ash. I know.”


	3. Go Back to the Idea of Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A spectral dalliance, ouija board shenanigans, and some spiritual indigestion

The shadows crept up and swallowed the two spirits sitting in silence in the living room as the sun set. Ash was still and quiet. He stared blankly at his hands, as if answers would spontaneously erupt from them. He sat, and he stared, and silence was the only thing that returned the call of his inaction.

“Hey...” Jack’s voice, soft and gentle, broke the oppressive silence.

Ash looked up at him, but said nothing in response. A palpable sadness hung over him like a shroud.

“Can...can I ask you something?”

Ash looked back down at his hands. “Sure...”

“Why...” He reached out to touch Ash’s hands, but stopped himself. “Why do you yearn for death...?”

Ash looked up and blinked, confusion on his face. “What?”

“What you told that demon...the thing it gave you a taste of...” Jack shook his head. “I just...I don’t understand why you’d want _that_ so desperately.”

Ash blinked and his lips quirked up in a smile as he realized what Jack was asking. _It...completely went over his head._ He shook his head and laughed, the mirthful sound cutting away at the sorrow that was surrounding them.

“Don’t know what’s so funny.” Jack crossed his arms. “Gotta say, I’ve died before, and I don’t recommend it. Ain’t nothing _funny_ about it...”

Ash shook his head and laughed harder.

Jack furrowed his brows. “What the hell is so damn _funny_?” He gave Ash’s shoulder a tentative push. “Have you completely lost your marbles???”

Ash flopped onto his back on the floor and wiped away a non-existent tear as he managed to settle his laughing fit down. “No...I mean, maybe I _have_ lost my marbles, don’t really think I had them all to begin with, if I’m honest...but death isn’t what I yearn for. Too scared of it, my sense of self preservation is too strong.”

“But...” Jack pointed as Ash’s arms. “...you tried to take that big sleep before though, didn’t you?”

“Yeah...but it’s not a factor you need to be worried about, not current state, at least.”

“I don’t see how it’s ‘not a factor’, considering the rest of what you were saying...” Jack’s voice broke.

Ash waved off Jack’s accusations. “When I did that it...it was forever ago, I was in high school.” He idly rubbed his chin. “And it was over something really stupid. As an adult, I realize how insignificant it was, but at the time, it was the biggest thing in the world to me.” He shook his head. “I freaked out in the middle of it, too...got scared and couldn’t go through with it, but at that point I’d gone too far to deal with it myself.” He groaned as he recalled it. “It was awful. Traumatized my poor aunt. And I kept apologizing about the damn towels...I kept trying to clean the stupid towels while I was bleeding all over them. And I...” He laughed and shook his head. “I busted my chin slipping on the linoleum while I was desperately trying to clean the freaking towels...and was _crying_ because I didn’t want to get stitches _in my chin_...” He rubbed his eyes.

“Jesus...I’m so sorry, I didn’t know.”

“Don’t be, like I said, it was forever ago.” Ash stared up at the ceiling. “Man, I sure hope that stupid demon thinks I yearn for death too...that would really screw up his head...”

“So...” Jack laid down on the floor next to Ash. “...what _do_ you yearn for, then?”

Ash set his jaw.

“Ash?”

“Look, why don’t I tell you when I’m back in my body. I think I’ll feel a lot better and be a lot more articulate once I’m back in my body.” Ash put his hands on his face and rubbed his eyes.

“Fine, fine.” Jack looked over at Ash. “Do...do you really _hate_ yourself?”

Ash opened his mouth to speak and shut it again. A long moment passed before he answered. “Yes.”

“But why?”

“For...what I did...” Ash’s voice sounded small and far away.

Jack propped himself up on his elbow. “And...what is it that you did? What on earth could you have done to make you _hate_ yourself?”

Ash covered his face with his hands. “I...can we not talk about this right now? I’m...really sorry. I want to tell you these things, but I’m...I mean, just look at the state of me.” He ran his hands through his hair and stared back at the ceiling. “Ask me when I’ve got my body back. I’ll tell you all these things when I’ve got my body back. You’re just...I need my body back, that’s all.”

“Okay.”

“But look, no amount of self-loathing will make me off myself.” Ash sat up and offered Jack his hand. “Not anymore...”

“Promise?”

“Promise.” Ash grabbed Jack’s hand and pumped it twice, sealing the deal. “There. Now it’s settled.”

“Can’t go back on it now, mate...” Jack smiled.

“Can’t go back on it.” Ash returned the smile.

The two sat in the living room floor, staring at the dark television screen.

“I wish that asshole would have reset the breaker. We could watch some tv.” Ash rubbed the back of his head. “But I mean, I also wish he hadn’t taken my damn body.”

“Yeah. But look on the bright side...we can finally touch each other.” Jack raised his eyebrows suggestively.

Ash gave Jack a sideways glance.

“Oh, come _on_ , you can’t say you didn’t like it.”

“No comment.” Ash crossed his arms and refused to make eye contact with Jack, who was now hovering incredibly close to him.

“And we were so _rudely_ interrupted before we could really get to the good part...”

“The good part?” Ash arched a brow.

Jack snickered. “ _You_ know...”

“I’m sure I _don’t_ know what you’re talking about...” Ash fought back the smile that was creeping onto his face. “And besides, we’re ghosts.”

“Spirits.”

“Fine, _spirits_. How...the mechanics...” Ash made a series of gestures with his hands as he tried to find the words he was looking for. “We...we don’t have bodies, it doesn’t make sense.”

“We have forms that can interact with one another, and they’re based on the blueprints of the original body.” Jack sidled up next to Ash and draped his arm around the auburn haired man’s shoulders. “Got all the factory parts and pieces, Ash. _Every_ thing.”

Ash felt himself getting hot and bothered as he pondered Jack’s proposition. “W-well, whatever, I don’t care about _that_.” Ash swatted at Jack’s questing hands as he maneuvered himself over to the couch. “I have to focus. I have to get my body back.”

“But we can’t really have any _fun_ once you get your body back, though.” Jack leaned against the coffee table. “And I bet a nice little romp will help clear your head...give you a new perspective!”

“Ahem, well, tempting as your offer is, I’ll do my thinking in my current state, thank you.” Ash shifted uncomfortably as he regarded Jack. _Look at him over there. Stupid, sexy bastard. All...roguish and stupid and charming. He doesn’t need to lean on the table like that, he’s just doing it to make his dumb stupid arms and chest and neck look good._ Ash scowled. “You have to go do whatever it is you’re doing someplace else, you’re distracting me.”

“Oh am I?” Jack’s face lit up.

“Yes.”

“From your _important thinking_?”

“Yes, Jack, from my important thinking!” Ash snapped and stood up from the couch, cursing himself as he tried and failed to tear his gaze away from Jack’s athletic torso. _Dammit. Dammit! He’s getting me all worked up again. How is he able to do this so easily to me right now? Where’s all that self-control, Ash??? Man, I wish I could go to Lowe’s...get a damn plant..._

“Fine, fine. Suit yourself.” Jack sauntered towards the hallway. “But, tell me, Ash...” He leaned against the entry to the hallway and tilted his head back as he eyed Ash up and down. “Will you really be satisfied with yourself if you pass up this opportunity?”

Ash felt an almost predatory energy from Jack in this moment. He clutched his chest as he felt an intense humming from his core. “...opportunity?” He cautiously made his way closer to Jack. _I could leave. I’m not bound to this place...I could just leave. I could go haunt the Lowe’s, go look at plants, I don’t have to be here..._

“Aye.” Jack grinned, and the moonlight filtering in through the blinds glinted off of his teeth, enhancing an already million watt smile. “Don’t you wanna know what it’s like? You’re not likely to get this chance again while you still live...”

Ash stopped a few feet in front of Jack. He was a cautious man- not a man to put himself through unnecessary risk, and certainly not a man to leave himself open to potential emotional harm. But at his core, what truly drove him, was curiosity. A certain amount of risk would always be acceptable if there was the potential for him to satisfy his curiosity. It all boiled down to a simple cost benefit analysis- would the reward outweigh the risk?

Ash tilted his chin up as he warily eyed Jack. “Doesn’t this venture into that dangerous territory of exposing myself to something that no man living should experience?”

“I think you’ve been in that territory your whole life.” Jack crossed his arms, his smile not leaving his face.

“This is different.” Ash found Jack’s brazen confidence both irritating and enticing. _You know, you don’t have to sit here and have this philosophical debate with him. You could leave. You could just go, and he can’t follow..._ Ash was at a distinct disadvantage, though. He was raised on philosophical debate, on questioning, on exploration. Even in a normal situation, he would have been hard pressed to walk away, but he found it absolutely irresistible when it was coming from such an enticing source. Especially when it involved a subject so intensely interesting to him.

“I don’t see how. If we dive deeper into this whole mess you’re in, we find a whole cascade of events that you, as ‘a man living’, should not have experienced.” He shrugged. “What’s one more to add to the list? What’s one more grain of sand on the beach?”

“Dipping one’s toe into a forbidden lake doesn’t give one license to go swimming.” Ash put his hands on his hips and cocked his head to the side. “I can still take my toe out of the lake, I don’t have to push it further than that. So maybe, yeah, I get in a little trouble for taking a dip, but I’m not in as deep as I would be had I actually gone further. You don’t taint the entire person with just one transgression, you don’t become irredeemable. So why continue pushing when you can step back?”

“Fair point, fair point...” Jack smirked. “But I think it’s funny how you’re posing these grand thoughts to me as if you actually consider yourself bound by these rules...it’s all a red herring, and I ain’t biting.”

“Excuse me...?”

“Told you before, you can’t grift a grifter.” Jack winked. “Stating the obvious, you’ve always considered yourself to be outside of the rules when it comes to this sort of thing. Now, stating that which you had _hoped_ to keep hidden, you’re taking this to a very cerebral place...” Jack swaggered over to Ash, confidence and charisma radiating off of him. “...and in doing so, you’re actually removing yourself from the equation. Just like how you feel you’re already outside of this rule-set. You’re side stepping the whole thing in an attempt to dodge the question.”

“No...” Ash moved backwards as Jack advanced on him, ensuring at least two feet was between them. _Just out of arms reach...he’s got you all wound up, and if he touches you it’s game over. You’ve gotta just focus, stop letting him get in your head._ “That isn’t it at all. I’m just trying to look at this from all the angles.”

Jack chuckled. “Ash, Ash, Ash...” He shook his head and clucked his tongue as he cornered Ash in the dining room. “We both know that ain’t what you’re doing at all...”

“Oh really?”

“Really.”

Ash tilted his head up to regard Jack and narrowed his eyes. “Okay, I’ll bite. You’re so smart, then what _am_ I doing? Hmm? _Enlighten_ me...”

“Well,” Jack clasped his hands behind his back and looked down at Ash. “Could be a couple of things, but let’s go with what I think is the most likely. I think you’re inviting me to give chase.”

“P-preposterous.” Ash laughed nervously. “Why on earth would I want to be _chased_?”

“Because _you love it_...”

“False, wrong...” That humming in his chest was almost unbearable.

Jack laughed. “I think your core is betraying you there, man...”

“H-hey!” Ash clutched at his chest protectively. “That’s my own personal business, quit being so _nosy_ about my inner workings!”

“I ain’t being nosy, I could hear the damn thing from the moon!”

“Tch, well, whatever, what makes you think I want to be chased?”

“Look, people got all kinds of things that give them their jollies, I think this is one of yours.” He was a fox who had finally cornered the hare he had in his sights. “I think you get a lovely little _thrill_ from being pursued.”

“N-no I do _not_.” Ash hissed, attempting to look menacing, though he was finding it difficult as thoughts of what he’d rather Jack be doing than interrogating him snuck past his mental defenses and occupied the forefront of his mind. “I-in fact, one of the things that makes my job so _stressful_ is that I’m constantly being _pursued_. And I guarantee you, I do _not_ enjoy it.”

Jack pressed Ash up against the wall. “Don’t play at being dense with me, you know that’s not what I mean.” His voice was low and dangerous.

Ash bit his lip in an unsuccessful attempt to stifle the noise of arousal that had snuck out of him, and a high pitched whine emanated from his core as he looked back up at Jack. _Ugh, he just looks so thrilled with himself. His stupid handsome smug face. I oughta just kiss him right on the stupid mouth, that would shut him up. N-no! Dammit wait, don’t think like that, this is only making things worse! This is making things worse!!_

“Look...” Jack grabbed Ash by his shirt front, his casual demeanor now laced with a hint of desperation. “You’re lucky, because I love the chase m’self. Nothing I love more than some hot pursuit. And I do love chasing _you_ , specifically, because it’s a real challenge to run you down and get you cornered. You’re a wily little bastard, that’s for sure...but Ash, I’ve just not got the stamina for it right now.” He ran his thumb across Ash’s lower lip as he rested his hand against the side of his face. “I’m a man of _passions_ , Ash...”

“Wh-...what’s that supposed to mean...”

“It means, a century is a long time to be alone...” Desperation. Longing. “And I’ve been chasing you for so _long_ now, Ash. And finally, finally I’ve got this wonderful window of opportunity.”

Ash stood in place, briefly mesmerized by the rich blue of Jack’s eyes before he found himself overwhelmed. He averted his gaze. “Window of opportunity?”

“You’re fast. Near impossible to catch. High defenses...it’s hard, no... _impossible_ to get through all your armor.” Jack ran his hand up into Ash’s hair as Ash leaned into it. “But now, stripped of your physical form, you don’t have any armor. Stripped of your physical form, you no longer have all of those distractions that enable you to outpace and outmaneuver me.” Jack smiled, seemingly confident that he had won. “Ain’t nothing between us now. What’s left is just you and your desires. That mess of raw emotion is just lying out in your brain, all those little compartments you so neatly tucked everything into have been ripped away from you. You no longer have a place to hide.” He leaned in until he was nose to nose with the smaller man. “Come on, man, face it. I’ve run you down, I’ve cornered you, you’re as good as caught. I’ve won...let me have my victory.”

Ash blinked. “If...if you’ve won, why don’t you just take your prize? What’s stopping you?” A thrill ran up his spine as he briefly pondered the possibilities.

“You are...”

“Am I?”

“The win isn’t taking you by force.” Jack shook his head. “No, no. The win is convincing _you_ to act on _your_ desires.” Jack looked at Ash with a tenderness that made the auburn haired man ache in the place where his heart used to be. “I would never do anything you didn’t want me to do. That would make me no better than those monsters that _literally_ chase you.”

“Then...?” Ash reflexively swallowed.

“You have to make the choice to act. You have to choose to recognize and act on the desires now that they’ve been made apparent to you.” Jack grinned. “Simple, ain’t it?”

“I-it’s _not_ simple!” Ash stammered. His form felt hot and electric as his core continued its keening whine inside of his chest.

Jack sighed and floated back, fingers interlaced behind his head. “Pity.”

“N-no, wait, aren’t you going to try and convince me?”

“I already told you all I can tell you.” Jack shrugged. “What else d’you want me to say? If you can’t make the choice, then that’s on you, I can’t choose for you.” He shook his head. “Real pity, though, I thought you were coming around. Ah well, can’t win ‘em all, now can I?”

Ash scowled and quickly moved up to Jack. He grabbed his shirt and roughly pulled him down to eye level. “Dammit, Jack!” He growled, pressing his lips against Jack’s before the man had a chance to offer any kind of rebuttal. Ash felt Jack’s arms around him, desperately clutching at his back, and that was all it took to finally chip away at the very last sliver of self-control that he had. _Dammit...dammit!_ Hasty fingers fumbled with fiddly buttons as Ash quickly removed his shirt, barely registering that it simply hung in the air where he discarded it. He was hot- _too_ hot- like he was pulling too many volts, and the hum of his overworked core sounded like a laptop fan that was about to give up the ghost. He swore under his breath as he buried his hands in Jack’s jet black hair, briefly pausing in his barrage of kisses to appraise the handsome man’s freckled features. “You’re a real con-artist, you know that???”

“Heh...aye, that I am, that I am.” Jack smiled. “Best there ever was.”

Ash chuckled and shook his head before pulling Jack back towards him for another series of frenetic kisses. The searing heat of Jack’s lips against his set the rest of him alight- he was _far_ too hot. He awkwardly fussed with the laces of his shoes, displaying remarkable flexibility as he managed to remove his shoes without allowing his lips to pause in their activities against Jack’s lips. Forest green converse floated to his side as he set his sights on Jack’s shirt. “Aren’t you hot? It’s so damn hot in here...you should take that off...” He eyed Jack with a barely restrained hunger.

“Way ahead of you...” Jack shrugged out of his suspenders and cast off his shirt after swiftly unbuttoning it, casually tossing it to the side. He pulled Ash up against him and stroked his cheek. “What say we retire to my loft?” He unhooked Ash’s belt with dexterous fingers and expertly removed it from the loops, tossing it behind Ash before turning his attention to Ash’s pants.

“Your...loft...?” Ash mumbled, running his hands down Jack’s chest. _Dammit, Jack, just shut up and get to it already._

“The attic.”

“The _attic_???” Ash paused and scrunched his face up in displeasure. “You wanna...uh, get to the good stuff...in the _attic_?” Ash hated the attic.

Jack laughed. “Better than the dining room right next to the front door!”

“...but the _attic_...” Ash made a desperate noise through clenched teeth as Jack unfastened his pants and slid his hands down them, grasping at his ass as he administered gentle kisses against the side of Ash’s neck.

“Yeah, the attic. Because I swear to God, if we get interrupted, I’m going to blow a gasket. And then who _knows_ what’ll happen to the electrical system in your house.” Jack mumbled against Ash’s neck. “Besides, if that demon comes back, I don’t need him catching us with our pants down. Attic gives us some privacy.”

“F-fine...whatever, the attic, sure...” Ash swore as he struggled with the button on Jack’s pants. “Let’s go then, come on...” He tugged at Jack’s pants as he began to move towards the hallway.

Jack grinned. “Where are you going?”

“To the attic?” Ash gestured at the string hanging down from the ceiling in the hallway.

“That’s the chump way, we’re gonna take the shortcut...”

Ash narrowed his eyes. “The shortcut???”

“Yeah, c’mon...” Jack grabbed Ash by the hand and pointed to the ceiling. “This way...”

Ash focused on moving upwards as Jack pulled him along, and swore as he met resistance on the ceiling. “Is there like a secret knock or something?” Ash grumbled, frustrated with the increasing delays.

“You’ve just gotta phase through it...” Jack shrugged. “Opposite of what you been doing. Just act like it ain’t even there, because really, for you, it ain’t.”

“Right...easy.” Ash closed his eyes and focused on continuing upward. _It’s not even there..._

“See, there you go...” Jack’s voice brought Ash back to reality. “Now, where were we...?”

Ash opened his eyes and looked around. “I...I did it?”

“Sure did...” Jack pulled him in for another kiss. “Now, _where were we_? Ah, that’s right...” Jack expertly extracted Ash from the containment of his pants and underwear in one fluid movement, licking his lips as he saw his prize before him. “The good part...” Jack shimmied out of his own pants as he grabbed Ash by the back of the neck as he aggressively closed the distance between them.

Ash made a low noise in his throat as Jack pressed practically every inch of his form up against him. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back as Jack moved a hand down his torso, his fingers tracing a series of blazing lines down his side before coming to rest on his hip. Ash hated physical touch. It was messy, unorganized, unpredictable- the sweating, the distractions, the influx of sensory input. It was always too much. He often wondered if he hated it because he truly disliked it, or because he craved it too much...so much that it scared him.

This was different. There was no sound coming from either of them save for the things they were saying and the shrill noise coming from Ash’s core- no breathing, not even the sounds of bodies against one another. There were no different sensations to focus on, everything was a variation of the same electric theme. There was a pattern, it was easy to understand without all the extra clutter of the physical form. Even as Jack thrust himself inside of Ash, it lacked the discomfort that he was instinctively bracing himself for, there was only the intense heat and low grade buzzing coupled with the familiar sensation of the pleasure and pain of Jack’s form mingling with his own. It didn’t make it any less real, but it certainly made it much more _palatable_ for Ash.

Ash was vaguely aware of the front door opening in the periphery of his perception, but he was too fucked to care. Vaguely aware that someone had reset the breaker as the attic light flickered on, but couldn’t be bothered to deal with it. Voices from the kitchen registered in his mind, but his focus was on Jack and the things Jack was doing to him.

“You doing okay?” Jack rested his hand on Ash’s cheek as he slowed his rhythm slightly.

Ash nodded enthusiastically. “Y-yeah...keep going...” He turned his head and fervently kissed Jack’s palm. “P-please don’t stop...”

“Okay...” Jack huffed as Ash nipped at his fingers. “It’s...just that...”

“No no, shhhh, shut up.” Ash moved Jack’s hand down to his chest to help ease the strange sensation blossoming from his core. “No talking, sh-shut up...” He clenched his jaw and arched his back as Jack picked up his pace.

“You’re just runnin’ awful hot...” He gently stroked his fingers over Ash’s chest. “Thing’s making a hell of a racket...” He gently kissed Ash’s hand as the smaller man reached up to touch his face.

“Whatever, no one cares about that, just ignore it.” Ash made a small strangled noise as the sensation spreading throughout his chest became almost unbearable. “P-please don’t stop...” He felt like liquid lightning. “Please...I’m begging you, Jack...”

“Mmm...I _do_ like it when you beg me...” Jack grinned and leaned down to kiss Ash as he picked up his speed. He closed his eyes and made a stifled noise as a particularly forceful thrust brought him over the edge. “Jesus H...”

As Jack hilted himself in Ash, Ash’s eyelids fluttered open and he felt himself reaching a breaking point. The world paused around him- Jack was perfectly frozen in time, his face a mask of bliss, and Ash felt as though he was short circuiting. _Am...am I going to die?_ He opened his mouth to say something, but everything went white as the keening whine of his core reached the height of its crescendo. Every fiber of his being was alight, as though there was lightning running through him. This was the most distinctively pleasurable and simultaneously painful sensation that he had ever felt. At the apex of this strangely wonderful yet terrible feeling, he heard his core make the same low ‘whumpf’ noise the lights had made earlier, and the attic went dark once more.

It felt as though an eternity had passed. First there was nothing. Ash’s perception was limited to a tiny dot at his center, and all he could sense was a strange ringing. Slowly, the world returned around him and he blinked as Jack’s concerned face came into view. He saw Jack’s lips moving, but couldn’t hear anything other than the ringing in his head. He looked down at himself and mumbled a small “huh” as he saw that he was covered in a translucent goo.

“...-kay? Ash?” Jack waved his hand in front of Ash’s face. “You in there???”

Ash looked up. “Huh? Y-yeah...” He rubbed the goo between his fingers. “Did...did you do a hard reset on me??? What is this stuff?”

“...come again?”

“Yeah, you know...” He made a gesture of sticking an object inside of another object. “You stick the paperclip in the hole and reset the system...”

Jack raised his eyebrows. “ _Paperclip_???”

“Yeah...resets the system...” Ash attempted to wipe the goo off of his arms. “What _is_ this stuff???”

“ ** _Paperclip_**????”

Ash blinked. “Yes. Did...did they not have paperclips when you were alive or something? I thought those were invented before we rolled over into the 20th century.”

“I know what a _paperclip_ is!!!” Jack snapped, pulling on his pants.

“O-okay...do...do you have something against paperclips?” Ash was legitimately confused.

“Look, I know we’re not all working with a damn kidney-prodder down there...” He made an abrupt gesture to Ash’s crotch. “But I’d like to think there’s a better euphemism for what the good Lord blessed me with than _paperclip_...talk about a lousy metaphor!”

“What...?” Ash blinked. And thought. And laughed nervously as he realized what Jack must have been so upset about. “Oh! No no...no no no uh...ahem. _No_. Not what I meant.”

Jack gave him a sideways look and crossed his arms.

“You see...” Ash made a face as he continued to wipe goo off of himself. “...when I was younger, we had these computers that you’d sometimes have to reset by jamming a paperclip in this tiny little hole...they were real finicky, and real expensive, and so it was always funny that the best way to stop them acting up was to just...jam a damn paperclip in there to force it to shut down and restart itself.” He chuckled and shook his head. “I was certainly _not_ making any disparaging remarks about your uh...I mean, your proportions are...I certainly am _not_ complaining.” Ash cleared his throat. “I uh...let’s just say, I would have been a lot more _intimidated_ if I were in my physical body...” He offered a sheepish smile.

Jack chuckled and shook his head. “You really had me going there...”

“Sorry about that...” Ash looked up at him and motioned to the goo that was still covering most of him. “But what **_is_** this stuff?”

“Dunno...”

“Well, you must have encountered it in a century, right?”

“Nope...you’re the first.”

Ash shot Jack a cheeky grin. “So I’m your first?”

“Ha! Hardly, mate...” Jack paused and thought for a moment. “Well,...actually, yeah, I guess you are, if we’re counting me in my current state.”

“Wait...so you haven’t even done it with another ghost before???”

“Spirit.” Jack corrected Ash as he handed him his pants. “And nope. House isn’t exactly crawling with spirits, in case you haven’t noticed.”

“B-but...” Ash stammered. “How’d you know it was gonna work???”

“Made an educated guess.”

Ash blinked. “You really _are_ a con-artist!” He started laughing and the lights flickered back on. “You really convinced me you knew your stuff and I bought it hook, line, and sinker.” He struggled putting his pants back on as his laughing fit continued. He stopped as he realized that the lights had come back on. _That’s right...there’s someone in my house!_ He stopped and his eyes went wide as he heard something from the dining room.

“Ash? Is that you?”

“Doug...?” Ash blinked. “Heh...it’s Doug!” He smiled and grabbed Jack by the shoulders. “Doug’s here!”

“O-okay?”

“Do you know what this means???”

Jack shook his head.

“Doug’s a demon!” Ash laughed deliriously. “He can see me! He can hear me!!! I can tell him what happened!” Without waiting for a response from Jack, Ash phased through the floor of the attic and peeked his head down into the kitchen. Sure enough, there was Doug, looking up at the ceiling expectantly. “ _Doug, buddy!_ ”

Doug smiled and waved enthusiastically at Ash. “Oh, hey Ash! Wow, you’re looking real see through. What do you got on you, some kind of goo?”

“ _Uh...unimportant..._ ” Ash looked around to see Frankie and Sid set up at the dining room table with a ouija board and various ghost hunting equipment, while Wilson was in the kitchen nervously looking out the window at the driveway. “ _Wh...what are you guys doing here?_ ”

“Oh! Frankie said you were acting real weird, and that she had a sneaking suspicion there was some _mischief_ afoot.”

“Doug! Remember?! We wanted to use the ouija board!” Frankie whispered from the table. “You promised!”

“Ohhh, that’s right, sorry.” Doug looked back up at Ash and shrugged. “Sorry, Frankie wants to use the ouija board. But it’ll be fun! Like one of those murder mystery party games!”

“ _Doug...Doug no...no no no, this isn’t fun, it’ll be so much easier if I just tell you what’s going on since you can...you know, see and hear me...come on, buddy..._ ” Ash shooed Jack away as he peeked down as well.

“No can do, I made a promise.” Doug crossed his arms and nodded. “But...uh...do you want your shirt? And...your shoes? And this extra shirt?” He pointed at the various articles of clothing that were suspended in midair.

“ _Yeah...uh...let me just come get those._ ” Ash floated down from the attic and grabbed his shirt. He glared at Sid as she waved an EMF detector near him. “ _Knock it off, Sid..._ ”

Sid seemed oblivious to Ash’s request, but her eyebrows went up as the EMF detector went off. “Hmmm...we have some paranormal activity.”

“Oh! Oh! Let’s get him to talk to us with the ouija board!” Frankie clapped her hands together as she sat at the table. “Ash! Can you hear us?”

“ _Dammit Frankie, I don’t have time for this!_ ”

“If you’re there, give us a sign.”

Ash was so so weary. He petulantly swatted the planchette off of the table. “ _There’s your sign, now let me talk to Doug._ ”

“Oh spirits that haunt this place, please alert us of your presence.” Sid took out her dowsing rods and maneuvered them in Jack’s direction as he floated up next to Ash and retrieved his shirt. “If there are any gay shirtless ghosts in here, let us know!”

Jack snickered and spun the dowsing rod. “ _Come on, Ash, play along, it’s fun._ ”

“Ohmigosh...” Sid looked towards the ceiling. “There’s a gay, shirtless ghost that haunts this place. Now...if there’s a cranky, tired ghost who’s suffering from decades of sexual repression in here, give us a sign!”

Ash crossed his arms. “ _This is stupid. Jack, you know she can see you, why are you encouraging her? And I don’t have time for this. Come on, Doug, tell them!_ ”

Doug whistled and pretended not to hear Ash as he conspicuously placed the planchette back on the ouija board.

“Oh! Yes! The ouija board!!” Frankie clapped her hands together. “Come on, Ash, if you’re really here, talk to us with this!” She leaned over to Jack. “I’ve never gotten to use one of these before, make him do it.”

“ _I can hear you, Frankie!_ ” Ash yelled, growing progressively more and more frustrated. “ _Ugh, fine, I’ll do the stupid thing, Jack, tell her I’ll do the stupid thing..._ ” He snatched his shirt and put it on, making a noise of disgust as the goo that was covering him was leaving small puddles on his dining room floor.

“ _My man here says he’s game, Frankie._ ” Jack winked at Frankie. “ _Says he’s all too thrilled about it..._ ”

Sid leaned down and examined the goo. “...ectoplasm...” She scooped up some and placed it in a small glass vial.

Ash blanched. “ _Augh...n-no...Sid, no...that’s...unsanitary..._ ”

Wilson shifted nervously from his lookout post in the kitchen. “Guys...I think we should try to hurry up.” He shoved his hands in his pockets as he continued to peer out the window. “I’ve got a bad feeling.”

“ _See?!! Wilson has a bad feeling!_ ” Ash growled. “ _We’re wasting precious time doing this!!! Jack, Doug, tell her to ask her question already!_ ” He rubbed his face as he began pacing around the table.

“ _Sure, sure..._ ” Jack nodded. “ _Alright, he’s ready, shoot..._ ”

“Alrighty...Ash, are you here?”

Ash blinked. “ _Are you kidding me with this, Frankie? You know I’m here, just get on with it!_ ” He snatched the planchette and slammed it repeatedly on the “YES” on the board.

Frankie grabbed the planchette and replaced it on the center. “ _Some_ one’s cranky...okay, okay. Calm down, I was just making sure that it would work.” She cleared her throat as Sid crawled up on the table and sat cross legged across from Frankie. “So if you’re here, what is happening with your body?”

“ _I got possessed. By a Demon._ ” Ash growled in Frankie’s ear, rolling his eyes as he remembered that she couldn’t hear him. “ _Fine..._ ” He grabbed the planchette and spelled out what he wanted to say, gritting his teeth as Frankie and Sid said each letter out loud.

“He got possessed by a demon!” Frankie gasped. “Oh no, poor Ash! Okay, so...Ash, how can we help you?”

Ash clenched his jaw and moved the planchette.

“Don’t trust my body...stay away from me until I can fix this...hmmm.” Frankie tapped her chin. “So...I think I can find some books on this in The Library. But we don’t have a lot of time. If he’s been possessed, who knows what horrible things this demon is doing while in Ash’s body!”

“Or what horrible things it’s doing _to_ Ash’s body...” Sid’s monotone voice pointed out the thing was weighing most heavily on Ash’s mind. An uncomfortable silence fell over the group. “What if he goes and gets a dick piercing?”

“Oh _God_ , can you _imagine_?” Frankie held her hand over her mouth as she attempted to stifle a giggle. “He would _hate_ that. We shouldn’t laugh, but oh my God can you imagine his face? It’s not funny, it’s not...but it _kind_ of is.”

“ _No it isn’t!!!_ ” Ash yelled, slamming his fist on the table.

“Uh, guys...” Wilson’s gentle voice grabbed everyone’s attention. “We’ve got company. I...I see Ash’s car coming up the street...” He looked around, slightly panicked. “Frankie, didn’t you say you tailed him to a hotel?”

“Yeah...” Frankie quickly gathered up the ouija board. “I did. I could have sworn he had gone in and checked in, something must have happened.” She looked around. “Doug, you and I should sneak out the back. If he sees me, he may get suspicious, and Doug we can’t risk him seeing you and knowing you can probably see him for what he is. Sid, you and Wilson stall him and see if you can get any information from him.”

“ _No!_ ” Ash shook his head. “ _You should all leave!_ ” He turned to Doug. “ _Come on, buddy, please talk some sense into them. This guy’s dangerous, he branded my core, he’s not just some low level schlub! He specifically told me he wanted to inject suffering into my life, you’re all in terrible danger! I...I have to deal with this my way. Tell them to get out!_ ”

Doug nodded. “Guys, Ash is right. Oh, by the way, he was talking to me just now. Anyways, I don’t know much about humans, but I _do_ know a thing or two about demons, and if he’s really here to make Ash suffer like Ash says he is, he’d think nothing of hurting us really bad...especially if Ash was here to watch. Demons _love_ that stuff. Not me, but most other demons. And we can’t do anything to him while he’s in Ash’s body without hurting Ash’s physical form.” He shook his head and whistled. “Possession sure is tricky! Well, technically it’s not really a possession since he booted Ash’s spirit out, but close enough.”

Wilson nodded. “Yeah, Doug’s right, we should all go. _Now_.” He swallowed hard. “I...I had a weird dream about this. And it didn’t end well. We’ve all gotta go...if this demon got the jump on someone as paranoid as Ash, I don’t think any of us are going to fare well if we stay. Shit. He’s pulling into the driveway...”

The group made their way to the back door as Ash made his way over to the window and watched his body exit his vehicle. Demon Ash (or Dave, as Ash not so fondly called him) went to the trunk and then looked around. He glanced at Frankie’s car parked on the street and narrowed his eyes. Ash turned to Jack as he watched his body check something at his side and then swiftly make his way to the door. “ _You should hide..._ ”

Jack nodded and floated up to the attic. “ _You’ll...be okay?_ ” He questioned as he lingered at the ceiling.

“ _Y-yeah, I think so...feeling a lot more uh... **centered** after that hard reset._”

“ _Happy to help._ ” Jack winked before disappearing up into the attic.

Ash frowned as he saw Wilson and Sid lingering at the back door. “ _Come on, guys, get a move on!!!_ ” Sid slipped out, and Wilson had nearly made it through the threshold before the sound of the front door opening stopped him dead in his tracks.

“Freeze.” Ash’s body leveled his gun on Wilson. “What are you doing in my house?” His voice was calm and cold.

Wilson held his hands up as he closed the back door and stepped back inside. “H-hey Ash. I...I was just checking on you.” He cleared his throat, icy blue eyes frantically searching the room.

“Were you now?” The demon took a couple of confident steps towards the tall, blonde man. “And why, pray tell, were you doing that?”

Ash stepped between the demon and Wilson. “ _Take it easy, now...put the gun down._ ”

“Frankie told me...you had gotten hurt.” Wilson took a couple steps back. “H-hey man...c-calm down. Did you have a stressful assignment or something? What’s with the gun?” He laughed nervously.

The demon narrowed his eyes, but didn’t lower the gun. The silence was deafening.

“ _Look, I wouldn’t do that if I were you..._ ” Ash advanced upon the demon. _Alright, keep your cool. Don’t let him get into your head again._ “ _Wilson here is a very powerful psychic...you fire that bullet, and your little game is all over..._ ”

The demon’s eyes flicked up to Ash and then went back to Wilson.

“I...I was gonna c-cook s-something for you...to make you feel better.” Wilson looked like he was about to cry...or faint...or both. “You seem way more stressed than usual...wanna uh...watch some tv or something?”

The demon looked at Ash and then back at Wilson. “Yeah...stressful assignment.” He slowly holstered the gun, and his demeanor shifted. “Ah, Wilson. Sweet, trusting Wilson...must be so taxing to be friends with someone as _unstable_ as me, huh?”

“W-what?” Wilson slowly lowered his hands but didn’t move. “No...I mean, I don’t think you’re unstable. You’re usually pretty even keel, at l-least from what I’ve seen.”

“Well, it’s only because you don’t really know me. Not the real me, at least. That’s by design, of course. You haven’t earned the _privilege_ of knowing the real me. Don’t know what came over me, though, pulling a gun on you like that.” The demon shook his head and laughed. “And I can’t definitively say I wouldn’t do it again. The things I see day in day out...aren’t you afraid that one day, I’m just going to _snap_?”

“No? Why would I be afraid of that?”

Ash squared up with the demon “ _H-hey! Leave him alone! Your beef is with me, he has nothing to do with this!! Don’t you treat him like that!_ ”

“And who’s to say I haven’t already snapped??? You know why I do the work I do, don’t you? Hunting down those creatures...the thrill of the _kill..._ ”

Wilson laughed nervously. “C-come on, man, you’re not acting like yourself. I think you need something to eat.”

The demon casually crossed the living room and advanced upon Wilson with predatory focus. “Oh? Do I now? Is that it?”

Wilson nodded. “I...c-could make you some pancakes if you want.”

The demon arched a brow. “I could have _killed_ you...and you’re offering me dinner?” He laughed- it started as a low chuckle and then crescendoed to a high pitched cacophony. “Are you daft? Are you _simple_??? Ah, Wilson...your loyalty certainly is admirable. You know, you remind me of a poodle. Such lovely creatures, dogs- and poodles, though they are rather bright, as far as dogs go, they’re still stupid in that they offer unthinking loyalty and devotion.”

“ _Dammit, knock it off!_ ” Ash felt that familiar anger surging up within him again. “ _Your beef is with me, he’s done nothing wrong! Your beef is with **me**!!!_”

“...Ash...” Wilson’s voice was small and far away. He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. “N-no...no matter what _you_ do, I need you to understand. Ash, you’re my friend. And I’m here for you.”

Ash blinked as he realized Wilson was addressing the demon directly. _Wilson...don’t provoke him! Don’t let on that you know!_

The demon snorted. “Such lovely words.” He sauntered into the kitchen and looked inside the fridge. “I hope you’ll remember them if I ever call on you...”

“W-....what?”

“You heard me.” The demon briefly glanced over his shoulder at Wilson before going back to the fridge. “Now get the fuck out of my house, I’m busy and I’m in no mood for company.”

“...fine. If that’s what you want.”

“It is.”

Wilson nodded and resumed his exit out the back door.

As he left, Dave shot a hateful grin at Ash. “Wasn’t that magnificent??? Oh, I did enjoy that...what a _thrill_!!! I could see the exact moment that his heart ripped in half!”

“ _Wilson’s more resilient than you give him credit for..._ ” Ash growled at the demon.

“Oh?” The demon’s face lit up. “So I should be even _more_ cruel next time, is that what you’re saying?”

“ _N-no! No!!!_ ”

Dave laughed. “Oh, Dr. Langley, you’re making this too easy. I was honestly hoping for more of a challenge.” He shook his head and made his way to the door. “Anyways, now that all the nosy Noras are gone, I have a _surprise_ for you.” He giddily slipped out the door.

“S-..........surprise?” He knew it couldn’t be anything good. He never really did like surprises anyways. They were never anything good.

A few moments passed and the demon returned carrying something very large contained in what appeared to be an oversized garment bag. Something _moving_.

“ _What...what is it...?_ ” Ash felt hot and dizzy as the demon grinned at him and slowly unzipped the bag. What was inside made Ash recoil. A young man, mid 20s and stripped of his clothing, groggily looked around. His mouth was covered with duct tape, but he appeared to be unbound, though heavily drugged. “ _What is this...what is this?!!!!_ ” Ash was panicking.

“Dinner.”

Ash shook his head. “ _No...no no no._ ” He felt sick. “ _You...you can’t do this. Not with my body. Do you understand what you’re doing???_ ”

The demon blinked. “Of course I do. I have to eat, don’t I?”

“ ** _THEN HAVE SOME FUCKING CHEERIOS, MAN!!!_** ” Ash shrieked, his voice echoing off of every surface in the house.

“Do you honestly think demons eat Cheerios? Heavens no...our dietary requirements are a bit... _different_ from yours.”

“ _B-but...but you’re in a human body! My body!_ ” The world was spinning around Ash.

“Well, I could always step out of it...would be easier too, since I wouldn’t have to deal with actually preparing anything, I could just down the whole thing and be done with it.” The demon tapped his lips pensively. “Ahhh wait, that’s right. Then you would have the opportunity to reclaim your body. And even though I could just boot you right back out, it would be a tremendous pain, and I don’t want to deal with that.” He grinned. “Besides, this is far more _traumatic_ for you.”

“ _P-please...please don’t do this..._ ” Ash whimpered.

“Hmmm?” The demon casually made his way over to the knives stored on the magnetic strip under the cabinets. “But it’s dinner time, Dr. Langley. You shouldn’t deny a demon its dinner.”

“ _Please...have mercy...if it’s the one merciful thing you ever do, please. I’m begging you. Please...don’t kill him with my hands._ ” Ash sobbed, though no tears fell from his eyes. A memory of when he was in training flashed through his mind- he didn’t want any more blood on his hands.

“You’re asking a demon for mercy?”

Ash nodded. “ _P-please..._ ”

“Very well...then _beg_ for it...” He crossed his arms and tilted his head to the side, a sadistic grin plastered across his face.

“ _Beg...?_ ”

“Beg for mercy.” Dave walked back over and faced Ash. “Get on your knees and _beg_ me...”

Without a second though, Ash fell to his knees, clasping his hands in front of himself as though he were in prayer. “ _Please...please, I’m begging you. Please. Please don’t kill him with my hands...I’m begging you..._ ”

The demon chuckled. “Pitiful. Pathetic! Look at how you debase yourself for the life of someone you don’t even know. But watching you beg was... _intensely_ satisfying...so I’ll indulge you. I’ll allow you this mercy you’ve requested...”

Ash laughed. “ _Thank you...thank you..._ ” He stood up and smiled, but his smile wouldn’t last long.

“I won’t kill him with your hands...” The demon gave Ash a sideways glance as he turned to the groaning young man laid out on the dining table. “But...he will still die...”

“ _N-no! That wasn’t the deal!!!_ ” Ash yelled, panicking as he watched the demon step out of his body.

“How so?” The doctor’s familiar face flashed him a wicked grin. “You begged me to not kill him with your hands, and so I’m giving you that small mercy. But I’m hungry, so I’m still going to eat him. And you’re going to watch me do it.”

“What??? No! No!!!”

“Yes! Yes!!!” He smiled far wider than seemed possible. “And if you turn away...or attempt to reclaim your body, well, who shall I use your hands to kill? Hmmm...let’s go with Frankie. So, will you behave?”

Ash was dumbfounded- he stood in petrified shock and numbly nodded. _Wait...wait. He’s going to make you watch either way. You can...you can use this opportunity to find out if your assumption was right..._ “If...if you want me to watch, I should get closer.” The words tumbled out of his mouth, laced with horror and regret. “I don’t have my glasses.”

“Oh, by all means, come _closer_ little rabbit.”

Ash nodded and made his way next to the demon. He heard the familiar thrumming noise. _Just...calm down. Maybe we can save him...just have to think it through..._

Ash watched with horror as the demon’s mouth contorted, growing wider and wider, rows upon rows of teeth glistening as the maw opened even further. His torso stretched and expanded until he appeared more like a giant serpent than a man. His hands grew claw like as he grabbed the squirming young man by the ankles and began pulling him in towards his mouth, and that’s when Ash saw it. Deep within the demon, a familiar glow, acid green. Bands of lime green whirled around a sickly vibrant center- Ash had found it. He had confirmed that demons- at least this demon- had cores. _Can...can I get to it now? If I do, maybe I can save this guy. But...all those teeth...how do I get to it without getting hurt-_ Ash’s thoughts were interrupted by a sickening crunch as the demon’s mouth snapped down on the man’s torso. He flinched as blood sprayed in his direction, horrified at what he was seeing. The flood of pain and adrenaline snapped the man out of his drug induced stupor, and Ash could hear him screaming under the duct tape. _I’m...too late. I should have done something...why didn’t I do something??? I just stood here...I let this happen..._ He felt himself shaking.

The man looked at Ash and reached out to him, panic in his eyes as he continued to scream. _Can...can he see me???_ The demon continued pulling him in, wet crunching noises mingled with muffled screams filled Ash’s ears as the man did a bloody disappearing act into the belly of the beast. Each snap of the demon’s jaws exposed Ash to a new picture of raw viscera, a study in the deconstruction of the human form. He had been told to not look away, but he desperately wanted to. He wanted to turn away and run, but Frankie’s life was on the line. So he stood, unblinking, as the demon pulled the last bit of the man into it’s horrible jaws. It shuddered, wriggled, and then slowly decompressed back to his original form. With a satisfied grin, it slid back into Ash’s body.

“Ahhh...nothing like a nice meal to really round out the day, right?” The demon walked over to Ash. “Why, what’s the matter? You look positively ill!”

Ash blinked, his lower lip trembling as he attempted to will himself to speak.

“Oh, I don’t know why you’re acting so affected, you’ve deconstructed plenty of my kind. This kind of thing should be old hat for you.”

“ _I...I don’t do...that..._ ” Ash’s body trembled as he looked at the blood splattered across his dining room. “ _Any that I’ve killed...have been accidental. I-I...don’t like killing a-anything. Not even a demon._ ” His voice broke as he looked down at his hands. “ _I...have nightmares almost every night. I regret every accidental death. But...what you did? I don’t do that. I...don’t do that..._ ” He shook his head and sank down to his knees on the floor.

The demon scoffed. “Whether or not you administered the killing blow is irrelevant. You were the one who led them to their doom. But now this begs the question...” The demon knelt down next to Ash. “On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your _pain_?”

“ _My...pain...?_ ” His voice broke. “ _I don’t know..._ ”

“Hmmm. Well, do mull it over. I’m going to go back to my hotel room so those foul monsters of yours don’t decide to cause me any trouble.” The demon cast a weary glance to the hallway. “Nasty little things, _cats_. Why do you keep them, anyways?”

Ash narrowed his eyes and looked up at Dave. “ _Always been told not to trust a man who doesn’t like cats..._ ”

“Well, I’m a demon, so you probably shouldn’t trust me based on that fact alone.” He laughed, a manic energy emanating from him as he swiftly exited the house.

Ash listened to the door lock and looked at the floor. He was alone and crumpled on the floor for the second time this day. “Beginning to really hate this view...” He mumbled to no one in particular. _Each time I try to gain my footing, I feel like I slip away a little more..._

“Well, if you hate the view...” Jack lighted on the floor next to Ash. “...all you can do is move.”

Ash stared into the middle distance. “I’m...I’m just doing my job.”

“I know, Ash.”

“Am...I really just a finger on a trigger since I’m the starting line in the whole process? Just doing what I’m told to do, and thinking that I don’t have to feel bad because it’s not actually me doing the k-killing? But I know the end result...and I still bring them in.”

Jack shook his head. “Hey, man, don’t let that bastard get into your head. I...don’t know what happened down here, but just know that wasn’t _you_ doing it.”

“He’s right, though...” Ash stared down at his hands. “Even if I’m not the one doing it, I’m the reason these demons are being exterminated.” He looked up at Jack. “There’s...no rehabilitation protocol for demons, Jack. No tag and release. We...” He looked back down and shook his head. “...gather as much data as we can, often through means we would consider _cruel_ if used on our own kind or even animals...and then we send them down to the extermination department for final processing.”

“As it should be!” Jack leaned down and rested his hands on Ash’s shoulders. “Ash...they’re _demons_. They’re universally bad, ain’t no redemption for a demon. All they exist to do is cause pain and misery.”

“But...Doug is a demon.” Ash looked up, meeting Jack’s gaze. “And he isn’t bad. It’s not universal, it’s...it’s not an always statement. It’s rarely ever an _always_ statement. How...can I live with myself knowing that I’m contributing to the destruction of life?”

Jack gently shook Ash. “Hey! Knock it off, man! You shouldn’t be feeling guilty about the line of work you’re in, you should be feeling _righteous_.”

“For being a _murderer_?!! I...I never wanted to be a murderer...I’m a scientist. I’m...a _biologist_. I should be studying and protecting life. But...they’ve turned me into a murderer.”

“You’re not a _murderer_ , you’re more like...an exterminator?”

Ash shot Jack a wounded look.

“O-okay, maybe not the best comparison.” He stood up and forcefully pulled Ash up with him. “But you listen to _me_. I live on this plane, this is something I know about, and trust me, what you’re doing is of utmost importance to humanity. You can’t go all bleeding heart about this one, lad.”

“Jack...I don’t know if I can do it.”

“Do what?” Jack narrowed his eyes at Ash.

“If we get him out of my body, I don’t know if I can destroy him. I...had an opportunity when he was...and I...I just. Froze.” Ash shook his head. “But he does have a core. I saw it...it’s there. I just...don’t know if I could bring myself to destroy him.”

Jack stared at Ash in silence for a long time before finally speaking. “Well, if it comes down to it, and you can’t stomach it...if your delicate constitution can’t handle exterminating a _legitimately evil_ pest...I’ll do it.” He crossed his arms and looked away, idly floating towards the hallway. “I ain’t got no problem clearing one more demon off this plane. And you shouldn’t either.”

“Jack...”

“Can it.” Jack snapped. “You need to get your head in the game, boyo. This guy’s running circles around you, and you’re just... _giving up_. Throwing in the towel, crying woe is me! Meanwhile this _evil demon_ is out there in your body, wreaking havoc on your life, and you’re going to _let it slide_??? You’re going to feel sorry for the ‘poor little demon’???”

“You...don’t understand...” Ash clutched at his chest as his core began its familiar hum. He felt very small and suddenly very alone.

“No, I understand full well. _You_ don’t seem to understand, and I’m getting right frustrated with your unwillingness to see the situation you’re in. Use that brain of yours!” He rubbed his temples. “You’re _not_ a murderer, Ash. I’ve got personal experience in that arena, and you ain’t there yet, buddy. But right now jury’s still out on whether or not you’re a _coward_. You gonna be branded a coward? Or are you going to be a man and take your life back?”

Ash looked everywhere except Jack. _Why...is he so angry with me?_

“Well?”

“I...don’t feel well...” Ash could swear he was having a panic attack, but didn’t know if it was really possible without his physical form. “Why are you so angry with me?” His eyes tracked the blood splatters on the dining room floor.

“Because I care about you, you dingus!” Jack yelled, slamming his hand down on the coffee table.

Ash flinched at the percussive noise and squeezed his eyes shut. “I-if you care about me, you shouldn’t be _yelling_ at me. I’m...not having a very good day, in case you haven’t noticed. I...I don’t appreciate being yelled at and called a c-coward.” He clenched his fists by his sides and tried to calm himself down. His perception dimmed at the edges and he felt himself shaking. A gulf of silence opened up between him and Jack, and he swam in that gulf for what felt like an eternity before Jack finally answered.

“I’m...sorry. You’re right, I...I just...” Jack’s voice wavered as he paused. “I can’t fix it, Ash. I _can’t_. You have to fix this. I would if I could, but I can’t do it, and that frustrates me. It makes me angry.”

“I’m not _asking_ for you to fix it.” Ash opened his eyes and looked back over at Jack, a wave of anger washing over him. He felt so tired, so small, so alone. “In fact, I’m not asking _anyone_ to fix it. I don’t _want_ to involve anyone else. I _never_ want anyone else involved in my problems, but everyone else feels entitled to my problems, so I always end up with people meddling in my business. It’s _never_ what I want...it’s always what _everyone else_ wants.” He kept his gaze on Jack. “Do...you really think I’m a coward?” He chuckled and shook his head, answering himself before Jack had the chance to. “Heh...thinking about what I just said, maybe I am. I sit here resenting that everyone is always meddling in my business, but I don’t even have the backbone to stand up for myself...”

“Ash, I...I didn’t mean it...” Jack moved back over to where Ash was and attempted to place a hand on Ash’s shoulder.

Ash shrugged Jack’s hand off. “Don’t touch me, please. You’ve known me long enough, you should know that I don’t enjoy being _touched_.” Ash clenched his jaw and looked away.

“Come on, Ash, I’m sorry...I said I was sorry...”

“Yeah, you said a lot of other things too...” Ash leaned his head back and rubbed his eyes.

“I’m...sorry. I’m really sorry...”

Ash looked down at the floor. “I...I know. But Jack...”

“Yeah?” Jack’s vibrant blue eyes were filled with sadness and regret.

“What happens when you take your favorite coffee mug and throw it on the floor?”

“I...I don’t understand...”

Ash looked up at Jack. “What happens? What happens when it hits the floor?”

“It...breaks, I guess?”

“That’s right.” Ash nodded. “It breaks. And tell me, do the pieces spontaneously reform just because you feel bad about what you’ve done?”

“...no.”

“No, they don’t. Now, what if you say you’re sorry? Is that the magic incantation that will repair the mug, good as new?” Ash put his hands on his hips, his voice trembling with hurt and anger.

Jack shook his head and averted his gaze, unable to look Ash in the eye.

“Right again, there is no way to restore it to it’s previous state. You can put in the effort, though, to glue it back together, and you can make it whole again in that way, but it won’t be the same.” Ash looked down at the floor again. “Even though it was your favorite mug, and you didn’t mean to throw it, you still got angry and you still _did_ throw it. And now it’s shattered on the floor. It’s...it’s not going to spontaneously come back together, Jack.” He rubbed his chin.

“Ash...”

Ash shook his head. “I gotta go, I...need some fresh air...”

“Ash, please...” Jack reached out for Ash but stayed his hand. “Please...don’t leave, I’m sorry...”

“I’ll be back, but I need to do some thinking about my current situation. I’m...going to take your advice. I’m going to get my head in the game.” He nodded to himself. “And I’m going to come back with a plan.”

“You promise you’ll come back...?” Jack sounded desperate.

Ash nodded. “Yeah. I will. I just gotta go to the Lowe’s and think about stuff...”

“What is it with you and the Lowe’s?”

Ash gave Jack a sideways glance. “Mind your business...” He turned around and phased through the door before Jack had a chance to respond. As he exited his house, he looked up at the night sky. _Wonder how much time I have before that demon does something truly awful? I...didn’t want to hear it, but think Jack was right. I’m being a coward. I have to take some initiative with this. I can’t think my way out of this one..._ He shook his head as he casually floated down the street. _I can’t come back until I have a plan..._


	4. Letting Go While Holding On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A group of strays, a lonely house, and a plan

How long did he wander? Time didn’t work the same way for Ash now. He had never been particularly good with time, but it slipped even farther from him while he was in this state. The world was monochrome and still around him. Occasionally he would see another spirit- a technicolor blip in an otherwise desaturated world- but they didn’t give him a second glance. _Probably for the best._ He thought to himself, hands in pockets as he idly hovered under the swing set in the neighborhood park.

The events of the night ran through his head unbidden, and he winced and rubbed his temples when it stopped at Jack. _Damn it. Why am I so upset about this? Why do I feel so hurt?_ Ash was no stranger to unkind comments and harsh words. He had never been the most socially adept person, and he often found himself the target of rude remarks. But it typically didn’t bother him- it was easy for him to brush off verbal jabs. Compartmentalize them. Deconstruct them. Pick them apart until they no longer had any structure. Without structure, rendered inert. Harmless.

Somehow this was different. Jack’s words had cut into him with the precision of a surgeon’s scalpel. Lanced through him and left him bleeding. _Why do I care? I agreed with what he said. He was right. So...why does this hurt so badly?_ He knelt down and held out his hand as he noticed a stray cat wandering towards him. _I’ve never seen him angry. And...he was angry with me. But...people get angry with me all the time. Why...does this hurt?_ He shook his head as the cat rubbed up against his hand, willing himself to be able to gently scratch behind the scruffy looking tabby’s ears. He chuckled as the cat responded with a low, throaty purr.

“ _You guys understand me..._ ” He smiled. “ _Why is it never as easy for people to understand? I don’t expect you to answer, of course._ ” He sat down as another stray made its way over to him. “ _I’m...really making a mess out of things, aren’t I_?” He noticed another cat trotting over to him. And another. Before too long, he was surrounded by at least ten strays, all huddled around him loudly purring. “ _Where’d all you guys come from, huh? Shouldn’t you be in your homes?_ ” He glanced around and noticed that none of them seemed to have collars. “ _Poor guys. Not safe for you out on the streets like this, you know._ ” He reached over and ran his fingers through the fur of a fluffy, black cat. “ _Heh...you remind me of Mulder. He’s...he’s one of my cats, you see._ ”

Ash stopped as he remembered something. “ _Mulder...._ ” Snapshot of the demon recoiling in terror at his cats. Playback of him calling out not wanting to sleep in the house with the cats. “ _Cats...I bet they’re...his bane._ ” He mumbled, looking up at the starry night sky. He felt a tug at his core. “ _That’s it. That’s my eureka moment. If two is enough to spook him, more may be enough to scare him out of my body outright. Then all I have to do...all I have to do..._ ” His voice trailed off as his mind began to put together the logistics of what he needed to do.

Ambush him. Draw him out. Then grab him by the core and destroy it. “ _Jack’s right. I can’t be afraid. I have to act with conviction. If...if I show weakness, it’s over._ ” The cats all looked up at him expectantly. “ _Will...you guys help me? If you help me, and I make it through...I promise I’ll find you all good homes._ ” He smiled as a one-eyed calico sidled up next to him and offered a raspy meow. “ _I’m hoping that’s a yes..._ ” He smiled. “ _Man, he really did a number on me, didn’t he? Can you believe it?_ ” Ash stood up and the troupe of strays got up as well. “ _Let’s go...we’ll get you guys fed, get some fresh water, and you’re all welcome to hang out on my bed._ ” He began making his way back towards his house, watching as the cats followed closely behind. “ _It’s a nice place. I’ve got two cats already, Mulder, and Special Agent Dale Cooper, I call him Coop for short. They can be a little stand-offish, but I’ll explain everything to them, once they know how important this is, I know they’ll be okay with it._ ”

Past the pool. Past the mail boxes. “ _There’s also another spirit. His name’s...Jack._ ” Ash hung his head. “ _Really messed things up with him, I think. I don’t know. It’s complicated._ ” Everything was complicated when it came to emotions, but this was especially complicated. People often accused him of not being able to feel, but in fact, he had the opposite problem. He felt too much. It scared him. Through the years, he learned how to cope. He learned how to separate things out in his head and close things off. He learned how to bottle things up to get through his day. His ability to compartmentalize and bottle up his feelings made him a fantastic agent- he was able to make quick decisions without emotions clouding his reaction time. He was able to do things that other people wouldn’t have the stomach for. But it was taking its toll on him, and he knew that. He rarely slept. He had constant nightmares. He felt himself slipping farther and farther away from the rest of humanity. What made him a good agent was also the very thing that was breaking him. He shook his head.

“ _It’s...almost his birthday._ ” His voice was sad and far away. “ _Tuesday. The 13th. I haven’t had the chance to get him anything. Was going to do that today but...well, that didn’t really work out._ ” He stopped as he saw his house. No car in the driveway. _Good_. “ _Alright guys, we’re almost there._ ”

He continued up the street, nervousness growing within him as he got closer to the house. _What if...he’s still angry? What if he doesn’t want to talk to me?_ He swallowed and stopped as he reached his front door. “ _O-okay...we’re here. I’ll go in and let you guys in..._ ” Ash slowly phased through the door and looked around as he entered the house. Lights were still on, blood still splattered across the dining room. No sign of Jack.

“Jack...?”

No response. The house was dead silent. Ash knew that Jack had to be in here somewhere, but he wasn’t surprised that he wasn’t showing himself. _I did kind of get upset with him, didn’t I?_ He rested his head against the door, clenching his jaw as he willed away the sadness that was creeping up on him. “Come on man, you’ve gotta pull yourself together...” He whispered to himself as he manipulated the lock and forced the door to swing open. The strays happily trotted in, all taking their time to explore their surroundings. He pushed the door closed and re-locked it.

“Hey Mulder! Coop! Come here, boys!” Ash called to his cats and knelt down as they emerged from the darkness of the hallway, warily eyeing the newcomers. “It’s okay boys, they’re here to help...they’re going to help me get my body back.” He gently scratched under Mulder’s chin with one hand while petting Special Agent Dale Cooper with the other. “Now, we don’t have names for them all yet, but we’ll get there. If this works, we’re going to find them all homes, okay? So you guys have to play nice. We all have to work together if we’re gonna make this work, okay?” He looked around. Still no sign of Jack.

“Jack...?” He stood up and began wandering the house searching for Jack. “I...I know you’re here. I know you can’t just leave.” No sign of him in the bedroom. Nothing in the computer room. Bathrooms were clear. The cats followed him to the back of the house and made themselves at home in his bed. “Probably a good idea...you should all stay in here. Don’t want to show our hand too soon...”

He floated up to the attic. “Jack?” He hated the attic. But being up here now stirred up memories of what he had been doing when he was last up here. _Jack..._ “Come on...I’m sorry, man.” He idly touched the floor where they had been, shaking his head as the memories continued their unwanted playback in his consciousness. “I...want to thank you. For your help. I needed to hear what you said and...because of it, I have a plan. A good one.” He looked around, hoping the former boot-legger would appear. He waited, but remained alone in the attic. He pursed his lips to hold back what he knew was a sob and rapped his knuckles on the floor before floating back down to the living room.

“Don’t...don’t you want to hear my plan, Jack?” His voice broke and he choked back the half of a sob that came out. “I’m...I’m not a coward, you know. But...” Another choked back sob. “I _am_ scared. I’m scared I’m going to screw it up...and I’m scared that I’m...” He couldn’t hold back the flood any longer and broke down, collapsing in a heap by the couch, head in his hands as he attempted to cram all of the errant emotions back in their boxes. Boxes that no longer existed. Slowly, he lifted his head up as a sickening realization came to him. _What if...the demon came back. What if he found Jack. Jack said a demon could rip him apart. What if..._ He shook his head, standing up and frantically looking around.

“No...no no no.” He ran his hands through his hair and made another circuit through the house, shaking as he wound up back at the couch, still no sign of Jack. Everything felt fuzzy and far away. He sank down on the couch, visibly shaking as he looked down at his hands. “Why...why did I leave? I shouldn’t have left...” He put his head in his hands. “It...it was _you_ , dummy. _You’re_ the thing I yearn for...it...it was _you_. And now you’re gone...and it’s my fault.” His body was wracked with sobs as he thought about his life without Jack. “I guess he realized what it was that I yearned for after all...how could I have been so careless...” A moment passed and a familiar voice pulled him out of his own head.

“Jesus H, Ash, please don’t cry, I’m really sorry...”

Ash looked up with a start to see a very concerned Jack sitting on the coffee table in front of him. “Jack?! Where were you? I’ve...been looking for you...”

Jack nodded his head to the back door. “Was out on the back porch. Thought that if we were looking up at the same stars, maybe I could call you back. I...missed you.” He reached out a hand to rest upon Ash’s knee, but paused and rested it on the couch next to Ash instead. “I’m...sorry about what I said, I really am. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I...didn’t know you could go out to the back porch.” Ash straightened his shirt and cleared his throat. “So...how...how long have you been in here?”

“Dunno, not long...” Jack’s voice was quiet, as if he feared Ash might break if he spoke too loudly.

“What...” Ash’s voice wavered and he shifted nervously on the couch as he looked away. “What all did you hear?”

Jack looked off into the distance and straightened up, placing his hands on his knees as he pondered his answer. “Well...maybe I heard something about yearning. Maybe I don’t need you to clarify that for me when you get back in your body.” He offered a small smile and looked back over at Ash, who had now somehow gotten a few shades paler. “But...judging by how you ain’t exactly talkative about what I heard, maybe I didn’t hear nothing at all. Maybe you was talking about getting a new fern.” He leaned back and shrugged. “Who’s to say? Funny things, words...so many of ‘em and they mean so many different things. Impossible to say which ones I heard come outta your mouth.”

Ash pressed his fingers against his eyes and laughed nervously. “Y-yeah. It was the fern thing. We’ll go with that one.”

“Sure...new fern sure will look nice. Why don’t you set it up on the back porch for me, do me that kindness?”

Ash nodded, clutching his knees with a white knuckle grip.

“Ash...I’m-...”

Ash held up a hand to cut Jack off. “No...it’s okay.” He nodded. “I just needed some time to walk around. Get some perspective. You...you were right.”

“No, I wasn’t.”

“You were. I...didn’t want to hear it, not...” He looked up at Jack. “It wasn’t the words, not exactly. But for some reason it was just...hard medicine to swallow coming from you. Don’t know why.” Ash looked back down at his hands.

Jack leaned forward. “I think I know why, but I ain’t gonna press you about it. Are...are we square?”

Ash nodded.

“And you ain’t...” Jack paused and looked down. “... _broken_?”

“Huh...?”

“That thing about the mug...I never wanted to break you. Wanted to build you up, but I guess I didn’t go about it in the right way.”

“Oh, that...” Ash chuckled and shook his head. “Yeah uh...maybe that was me being a little _dramatic_. I think that...perhaps there was a conveniently placed rug that cushioned the fall. And the mug’s structural integrity is as sound as it ever was. Maybe a little insulted by the impact, but okay nonetheless.”

“Maybe it did spontaneously come back together after all...”

Ash rolled his eyes. “Jack, that isn’t _possible_.”

“What? It’s an imagination exercise anyways, what says it can’t?”

“Oh, I don’t know, the _laws of physics_...” Ash crossed his arms and sassily waggled his head at Jack.

Jack laughed. “Man, your imagination’s bound by rules? Sounds boring.”

“Rules are _important_ , Jack.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Jack waved his hand at Ash. “Important to know so you know how to break ‘em.” He grinned a very mischievous grin.

Ash laughed and shook his head before looking up at Jack. “Jack, can I...ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

He opened his mouth to speak and then shut it again, shaking his head. “Never mind. I...I can ask you later. I’ve...got a plan. Do you want to hear it?”

“Absolutely I do!” He gestured to the spot next to Ash on the couch. “May I?”

“Oh, yeah. Of course.” Ash scooted over slightly to make some room before launching into the steps of the plan. “So, I discovered that this guy’s bane is cats. A bunch of strays found their way to me while I was on my walk, and bam! It hit me...this is what I use to spook him out.”

“Wait...so you just...got a bunch of cats in here?”

Ash nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, in the bedroom. I let them know the plan too, so they’re in on it. Anyways, once I spook him out, I dash over, yank out his core, and then destroy it. Easy.”

Jack blinked before scratching the back of head head. He did not look confident in Ash’s plan. “Well, at least you’ve got the steps laid out. But what’s your back up plan?”

“I...don’t have one.”

“You’ve gotta have a back up plan!” Jack rubbed his temples.

Ash crossed his arms. “Look, we’re lucky I’ve got a plan at all, normally I just wing it.” He rubbed his jaw. “I will need your help with one part, though.”

“Me?”

“Yeah...I need you to open the bedroom door on my signal to ‘unleash hell’, as it were.” He looked up at Jack. “I’ll call your name, and that’s when I need you to do it.”

“But what if he tricks us? I won’t be able to see who’s saying what from the bedroom door.”

Ash shook his head. “That’s why your name’s the trigger word. He thinks ‘Jack’ is one of my cats thanks to Frankie’s quick thinking, no way he’d call him out.”

“It’s pretty risky. You’ve got a free form ‘plan’ based on assumptions.” Jack crossed his arms and leaned back. “What makes you so sure it’s going to work?”

Ash shrugged. “Well, I’m _not_ sure it’s going to work, but I’ve got a hunch that it will.”

“A _hunch_???”

“Yeah. Oh, don’t look so revolted, my hunches are usually right.” He leaned his head back onto the couch. “If they weren’t, I’d be dead several times over.”

“You make me nervous, Ash...”

“Really?” Ash reclined and put his hands behind his head. “You never really struck me as the meticulous planner type. I thought my freeform conflict resolution style would be appreciated by someone like you.”

Jack snorted and shook his head. “Are you kidding me? Hell no, that’s a good way to get yourself shot. I may be care _free_ but that doesn’t mean I’m care _less_.”

“Well...I mean...you _were_ shot...”

“That wasn’t me being careless, though. That was me being hung out to dry. I was ratted out.” He ran his hands through his hair. “Big difference.”

“Okay, okay. Well, I’m not going to get shot, that’s a non-issue.” He closed his eyes and pressed his fingers against his eyelids. “Just remove that thought from your head. Besides, he can’t even shoot me in this form, so it isn’t even something to consider.”

“Alright, if you say so.”

Ash opened an eye and looked over at Jack. Strong, agile hands fussed with phantom sleeves. A stray lock of hair fell across Jack’s brow and he idly moved it aside with a casual movement of one of those strong, agile hands. Ash swallowed back on a request for Jack to move the attentions of said strong, agile hands instead to him. _Knock if off, Ash. It’s just going to further complicate things. Just...put it out of your mind._ Ash’s mind, however, refused to comply, instead presenting him with a slideshow of what it wanted him to consider in regards to Jack’s hands. He quickly averted his eyes as he caught Jack glancing over at him. Cleared his throat. Straightened his shirt. Looked everywhere except Jack and the space Jack was occupying.

“You uh...needing something there, Ash?” Jack leaned over Ash, being very careful to not actually touch him. “You’re looking like a man with desires...desires maybe I can lend a hand with.”

Ash frantically shook his head. _That same stupid smile every single time. He...he really thinks he has me. Dammit, he **knows** he has me. How does he unravel me like this???_ “I’m fine. Just thinking about...” _Don’t say anything arousing. Or erotic. Or even remotely sexual. Say something else. Anything else._ “...the specific anatomy of the human hand...” He winced as the sentence left his mouth. _Way to go, dipshit._

“Oh, really?!” Jack’s face lit up. “Well, I’d be happy to give you a hands on demonstration of what these boys are capable of, if you’d like!” He reached out for Ash’s face and stopped short.

Ash clenched his jaw, closing his eyes as he waited for Jack to make contact. Only he didn’t. Ash opened his eyes. “Well? What are you waiting for???” He huffed, looking at Jack’s hand and then back at his face.

“Well, only if you’d like...” He looked down at Ash with half-closed eyes.

“Dammit, man!” Ash grabbed Jack’s wrist and pressed his hand against his face, making a very small noise of frustration mixed with contentment. “Just do it already, since you want to so bad...”

Jack chuckled and shook his head. “How are you already so wound up again?”

“I’m not _wound up_ , you’re just over there...with your _ways_...” Ash closed his eyes and nuzzled Jack’s palm.

“You are, though. You’re a wound up mess.” Jack grabbed Ash’s chin. “Now, do you want me to unwind you? Yes or no, I ain’t going round and round with you right now...” A low growl, filled with promises that Ash desperately wanted to take Jack up on.

He nodded fervently. “Y-yes...”

“That’s what I was hoping you’d say...” Jack smiled and pressed his lips against Ash’s as he set about unbuttoning his shirt.

_Dammit. He’s got me right where he wants me...again. Well...could be worse, I guess._


	5. The Way Out is Through

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A tragic backstory, the plan goes awry, and shots are fired

A familiar ringing filled Ash’s mind. It was dark, save for the center of his being, and he dimly sensed someone else in this place with him. As his perception slowly trickled back to him, he found himself face down on his living room floor. He was aware of Jack’s hands- one on his hip and the other inside of his chest and delicately holding his core. He was aware of Jack’s lips placing reverent kisses on his left shoulder. He was aware of the same translucent goo from earlier- covering him, Jack, and the surrounding area. _Dammit...sure hope this stuff doesn’t wreck my floors. Or my couch. Ugh._ Most of all, he was aware that the sun had risen long ago, and the ‘one more time’ Jack had bargained for had turned into multiple ‘one more times’. They were playing a dangerous game, and Ash wasn’t much for dangerous games.

“O-okay, come on now, we really have to stop...” Ash mumbled against the floor, leaning into Jack as the dark haired man nuzzled the back of his neck.

“Hmmm...but I don’t wanna. How ‘bout we go again, instead?”

Ash felt Jack’s lips curve up into a mischievous grin against the back of his neck. It was tempting. But Ash scowled as he remembered being fooled with the same line multiple times prior. “N-no, I mean it, come on...”

“Okay, okay, just _one_ more time, for good luck...”

Ash phased through Jack and stood up on the other side of the coffee table, pulling a face as the goo transferred from him to the coffee table. “Jeez, what _is_ that stuff? A-anyways, no, no more ‘one more times’, you’ve had enough ‘one more times’. We keep this up, we’re going to get caught with our pants down -literally- and I...I can’t put you in a dangerous position like that.”

Jack hung his head before getting up and going to fetch his clothing, phasing out of the goo covering him on his way behind the couch. “Okay...” The hurt in his voice was palpable. It lanced Ash right through his core.

“Look...it’s not like I don’t want to...” Ash plucked his shirt from the air. “Trust me, I do. But...we don’t know when that bastard’s going to show back up, and we have to be ready for him.” Ash quickly put his clothing back on, eyeing the door warily. “I’m on the cusp of getting my body back, I can feel it.”

“It’s just...what if I don’t want you to get your body back?” Jack ran a hand through his jet black hair as he regarded his shoes. “I...I want you to stay here. With me.”

 _Ah. There it is._ Ash rubbed his eyes. _Dammit, I knew this was going to happen. Dammit! I shouldn’t have let things go this far. I knew it would just complicate things._ “Jack...” His voice betrayed the ache that was beginning to settle in his core. “We both know that’s not in the cards...not right now, at least.”

“Yeah. I know.” Jack shook his head. “Guess I just got caught up in things is all...” He crammed his hands in his pockets and glanced out onto the porch. He chewed on an uncomfortable silence for a long minute before spitting out the words that were building up within him. “Where was all that famous self control, Dr. Langley?” He set his jaw.

“E-excuse me???”

“Yeah...” Jack licked his teeth and cocked his head to the side. “Why’d you...why’d you have to go and let me have my way?” He looked up to the ceiling as if to request divine intervention. “Why didn’t you brush me off? Why didn’t you tell me to knock it off? Why didn’t you threaten to get the compressed air???”

Ash narrowed his eyes. “H-hey now...why does this fall on me?” He made his way over to Jack, staring up at him and shaking his head. “Last I checked, it takes two to tango, buddy. And...and besides, you came on to me. I-I would have been fine just going about my business, not knowing what I was missing, and you had to go and...” He stopped short. Stopped himself from saying ‘ruin things’. Stopped himself a phrase too late.

“Go and do what?” Jack looked down at Ash and crossed his arms across his chest. “What did I go and do, if you don’t mind filling me in?”

Ash rubbed his forehead. “N-never mind.”

“No, do go on, I’m _dying_ to hear what you were gonna say.”

“You...you didn’t go and do anything.” Ash put his face in his hands. “That was...a statement born out of emotional distress, and it wasn’t accurate, so I dismissed it before I finished it. Happy?”

“...No.”

“Yeah. Me neither.” Ash looked up at the ceiling himself, just in case Jack had found any answers up there. “But I have to get rid of that demon. I have to get rid of the brand on my core. Who knows what would happen to you if he wound up doing something that would get me put in jail. Or killed.”

“Wait, don’t you mean who knows what would happen to you?”

Ash shook his head. “Oh, I know what would happen to me, I’d be in jail. Or dead, depending on what he did. But what would happen to you if I was gone for an extended period of time? If I lost the house? If I was dead? I have certain protections in place, but it’s a band-aid on a bullet wound. A piece of paper is all I’ve got, and it’s flimsy protection at best. It only extends to the Agency, and really only while I’m in good graces with management. If something happened and my employment was terminated, or even if I pissed off the wrong higher up, I wouldn’t be able to stop anyone from coming in here and...” He stopped and rubbed his temples, squeezing his eyes shut as he pushed out thoughts of all of the things that could go wrong. “The thing is, you’re trapped. If shit hits the fan, you have no means of escape. I have an idea about a potential larger scale fix, but I need more time. I’m on the edge of a breakthrough, I can feel it, but...I need my body back to do anything.” He looked up at Jack. “It’s a key component, non-negotiable. But now that I know about the ‘core’ concept, I think I can put the last pieces in place.”

Jack tilted his head and narrowed his eyes as he regarded Ash. “What do you mean ‘larger scale fix’? What are you up to, Ash?”

“Mind your business.” Ash cracked a rather mischievous grin, uncharacteristic on his normally calm (albeit vexed) face. “A good magician never reveals his secrets.”

Jack laughed. “You’re not a magician, and I think if it involves me, I have a right to know!”

“Well, if I can get the timing right, it’ll be a late birthday present. So consider it a surprise and stop being nosy.” He made his way to the hallway and crouched down. “Now c’mon, help me get these cats into the bedroom for phase one of the plan.”

“Wish you’d get _me_ into the bedroom for phase one of the plan...”

“I know, Jack.” Ash clenched his jaw as he focused on giving the one-eyed calico he had named Nadine a gentle scratch under the chin. “Believe me, I’d rather that myself...” His voice trailed off and he hung his head. “But we have to...we have to just set that all aside for right now.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Jack floated over to the hallway with a few cats in tow. “I can know what I need to do, and still be unhappy about it.”

“Fair. Just...don’t let that unhappiness cloud your judgment. I need your head in the game here.” Ash shook his head. “I’m going all in on this gamble, and if things go south, I need you as back up. You’re the ace I have up my sleeve- my unexpected variable.”

Jack frowned. “Well, what am I supposed to do if things ‘go south’?”

“I dunno...improvise.”

“Ash, I ain’t never been much good at improvising. Last time I tried improvising, it got me a case of lead poisoning. You’re putting too much faith in me.”

“Well, I’ve never been much for planning, so we’re both trying something new. Besides, I don’t put faith in things. I make a series of calculated assessments and choose my course of action based on potential risk versus potential outcome.” He rolled his eyes as Jack continued to give him a very stern look. “Oh come on now. If I can be flexible, so can you.”

“Well, you’ve definitely shown me some _flexibility_ , haven’t you?” Jack cracked a wry smile at his own cheeky joke. “Alright...I’m game. So...” He made a face as he exerted himself to force the door to the bedroom closed as the last cat made its way in. “What now?”

“Now...” Ash narrowed his eyes at the front door. “We wait.”

***

“Okay, kiss, marry, kill: Machine Gun Kelly, Al Capone, John Dillinger...”

Ash groaned and put his head in his hands. “I’m endlessly annoyed that Frankie taught you that game. And that isn’t even the right name for it, it’s ‘fuck, marry, kill’. At least learn some modern people so you can mix it up.”

“Well, who’s it gonna be?” Jack playfully shoved Ash as the two sat in the low light of the hallway. “You know, if you don’t want to play kiss, marry, kill, I’ve got something else we can do to pass the time...something we could have been doing this whole time rather than sitting around doing nothing.”

Ash sighed. “Fine. I guess...I’d kiss Kelly, marry Dillinger, and kill Capone. There. Happy?”

“Very interesting...” Jack stroked his chin. “I was figuring you’d marry Capone and kill Dillinger...what with you being former FBI and all...”

“I don’t see what my former FBI agent status has to do with anything...” Ash rubbed his temples. “And former is the key word there...” He leaned back against the wall, eyes cast upwards to the ceiling. “That whole experience really messed me up, you know...”

“Well, no...I _don’t_ know.” Jack leaned up against the wall next to Ash. “You ain’t never really told me what happened. I know you got shot, but you ain’t really told me nothing beyond that. And if I think about what you deal with in your current job, a simple gunshot making you call it quits seems off...seems like there’s something else there.”

Ash set his jaw and idly rubbed his left shoulder that bore the evidence of that particular history, but he remained silent.

“So, uh...that why you got them scars on your shoulder?”

“Yeah...” He glanced over at the door.

“You...wanna tell me about what happened?”

“Not particularly...” Ash shook his head. “But I guess I can give you the high points. I’m honestly surprised I’ve never told you...I tell you a lot of things that I’d rather keep secret.”

Jack put an reassuring hand on Ash’s right shoulder. “It’s okay, man. If you don’t want to tell me, you don’t have to.”

Ash patted Jack’s hand. “Eh, might as well tell you. I guess I don’t have anything to lose.” He stared off into the distance. He had to recall it to recount the story, but he only wanted to retrieve the facts and leave behind the emotions. He didn’t like to think about how that incident made him feel. “It was fine when I first joined. Got set up with a partner, and I wasn’t happy with it at first, I prefer to work alone. But he was competent and charming, so I...well, I stopped complaining after a while. A-anyways...they had us on a lot of cases involving demons and demonic entities. Rifts in reality...extra-planar creatures. Things like that.”

“Sounds a lot like what you do now...”

Ash nodded. “In a way, it kind of was. But the training was far more intense. More focused on stripping away the person you were to create a ‘perfect agent’. Someone who wouldn’t run in the face of certain death. Gave me nerves of steel, but I paid a price somewhere...pretty sure all that compartmentalization is slowly killing me.” He pressed his fingers against his eyelids. “I try not to think about it, though...and it wasn’t what made me leave. My partner...he became... _compromised_.”

Jack furrowed his brows. “Wait...like...what do you mean compromised? Did he...was he in league with the baddies you were hunting?”

Ash nodded. “Yeah. Apparently he had been making deals with the demonic entities. Summoning them. Allowing them to possess him. He had...some weird ideas about success and power...I was blind to it. Got my heart and my brain all screwed up by my _inconvenient_ attachment to him, and I was just blind to all of his weird behaviors. There were so many red flags, I should have noticed, but...I don’t know. I...” His voice caught in his throat. “I cared about him. I didn’t want to see. I didn’t want my suspicions to be true. I should have known better...it’s why I never like working with people...you get attached and then they betray you or...they just disappear...” His voice was small and far away.

“So...what happened?”

“Well, eventually, things just got too dangerous. His behavior became more and more erratic. At first, I thought that if I could just absorb all of that weird behavior, it would be okay. But...it wasn’t. I started fearing for my own life and safety. For the lives and safety of others. I...knew I had to turn him in. Gathered a bunch of evidence, and I guess I was clumsy because he found me out. Maybe I wanted him to find me, who knows...” Ash absently rubbed his chest as the humming from his core intensified.

“You okay, man?” Jack put his arm around Ash’s shoulders. “You...don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to...”

Ash shook his head. “I’m...I’m already this far in, I may as well tell you the rest.” He rubbed his face. “Long story short, I confronted him...I had called our superiors on him, but I had a sudden change of heart and...I warned him. I wanted to give him a chance to run...to escape. I wanted to give him a head start. But he...he wouldn’t take that opportunity. He told me I had betrayed him...that we could have had unlimited power together, that whole spiel. But I didn’t want that...I’ve never wanted that.” He looked over at Jack briefly before looking back at the floor. “He drew his gun on me, and reflexes took over. We both fired...I like to think that I was fast enough to dodge out of the way of a fatal wound, but if you look at the shot pattern...” He hung his head. “I know that isn’t the case. He was shooting to disable me. In the moment, he couldn’t bring himself to kill me...”

“And...what did you do? Did you kill him?” Jack’s voice was low, curious.

“I...well, at the end of the day, I walked away. He didn’t.” He winced and shook his head the clear the red creeping in at the edges of his thoughts. “Something in me snapped...I...” He clutched at his chest. “When...backup arrived on the scene...I...” He stopped and clenched his jaw.

Jack hugged Ash’s shoulders. “H-hey, man...it’s okay. I think I get it...you don’t have to dive in any deeper.”

Ash nodded. He remembered the scene. Agents filtered in and stood in shock. They made no move to stop him initially. They all waited. Waited until Ash had wrung the last breath out of his former partner. He still saw the blood on his hand and the wicked grin on his former partner as the life left his eyes.

The two sat in silence for a while before Jack finally spoke up. “So, uh...I know how it feels to have a partner go of the rails on you, if it makes you feel better...son of a bitch hung me out to dry. And here I am...”

“Yeah...turns out working with people only leads to trouble...” Ash shook his head and shrugged. “It’s why I...don’t like working with people. I’m honestly thankful for the budget cuts at the Agency, though. It’s why we don’t typically work with other agents anymore. Simply aren’t enough of us. But...that’s what I did...that’s why...I hate myself.” He looked towards the door as he felt a familiar pang. His body was getting close, he could feel it. “A-anyways...I feel my body nearby. We should get ready.”

Jack nodded and moved to the space by the bedroom door. “Alright. I’ve got your back. I’ll be waiting for your signal.”

“So, I’ll wait until I can get him cornered without a way to get outside...and then I’ll signal you to open the door.” Ash narrowed his eyes as he felt his body getting closer still. “Fingers crossed that things go off without a hitch.”

He peeked out of the doorway from the hallway and felt a sudden dread creep up on him. Something didn’t feel right. He hovered motionlessly as the door unlocked and swung open. He watched his body saunter in, and froze as he saw someone else following. _Shit...Troy??? No. No no no. This fucks everything up._ He ducked into the hallway. “ _Shit...abort for now...he’s brought company. A coworker....from containment! This is bad..._ ”

“ _So, uh...what do we do now?_ ” Jack whispered.

“ _Let me think...I’ll let you know when I come up with something...gotta think...gotta think!_ ” Ash whispered and crept back into the doorway. He narrowed his eyes as he watched the two walk into the kitchen.

Ash watched his body flip the light switch and frown as the lights in the kitchen didn’t come on as expected. “Huh. That’s odd...I thought that was fixed.” He turned to the tall, muscular man who had accompanied him into the house. “Anyways, pay it no mind.” Demon Ash grinned as he leaned against the island.

Troy frowned as he looked around. “Do you want to go check the breaker or something?”

“The hmm?”

“You know. The circuit breaker...this seems like it may be a blown breaker or something.” The man squinted and looked around.

“Blown...breaker?”

“Yeah? You uh...gonna go check that, Dr. Langley?”

Demon Ash blinked. “I...uh...well, Troy, I’m afraid I’m a bit embarrassed to admit this, but I...don’t know how to go check that. Could you...be a _pal_ and go check on that for me?”

Troy frowned. “Sure...where’s your breaker box?”

Ash clenched his jaw from the hallway as he noticed Troy’s sidearm tucked neatly in his holster at his hip. _This is bad...Troy’s armed, he knows something is wrong. Man, this is really bad...I hope he doesn’t do anything reckless. Dammit Dave, why’d you go and bring someone from containment??? You fucking idiot! Moron! You’re going to get me killed! Or...or worse..._

“Where...is the...breaker box...” Demon Ash tapped his lips and began looking in the cabinets.

Ash shook his head and floated over to the kitchen. He knew he had to scrap the plan for now, and he figured he may as well do what he could to make himself seem less suspicious. He didn’t want Troy to land his body in a containment cell or worse. “ _You dumbass, you’ve really done it now. Breaker box for the kitchen is outside on the side of the house, you idiot._ ”

Dave scowled briefly at Ash before turning back to Troy. “Ah, that’s right! It’s outside on the side of the house. Can’t miss it.”

Troy narrowed his eyes and nodded as he headed to the door. “Okay...let me go see what’s going on.” His voice was low and serious. This was bad. Ash knew that this was bad. The last time he saw Troy this serious was when the thing with all the eyes had gotten loose. Ordinarily, Troy was a really nice, jovial guy. Carefree. If he ever stressed out about anything, he didn’t really show it. It was when he got serious that you knew things were bad. He was ruthlessly efficient and not known for his critical thinking skills...he seemed to work purely on instinct. Which was good for him, kept him alive...but it was not good for Ash’s body in this moment. One wrong move from Mr. Dave, and Ash’s body would be toast.

Ash waited for Troy to close the door behind him before addressing the demon wearing his body like a suit. “ _You fucking dunce, what the hell are you thinking?_ ”

Dave smiled. “I’m thinking I’m a bit peckish...thought I’d grab myself a nice beefy lunch.”

“ _You...you’re going to try and eat Troy? Wha-...no...no no no. Bad idea, dude. Have...have you seen him? He’s freaking huge! You really think you’re going to get the upper hand on him?_ ” Ash didn’t want Troy eaten, but he also didn’t want Troy to dispatch his body. Why not kill two birds with one stone? Ash looked up as the lights flickered back on.

“Bad idea? Pfft, I think it’s a _great_ idea!” Dave laughed. “This moron will be quite a tasty morsel. And besides, he’s one of the foul jailers that keeps imprisoning my kind. I think getting rid of him is quite a nice start to evening the score, wouldn’t you say?”

Ash opened his mouth to speak, but immediately shut it as he heard the door shut.

“Looks like the breaker was the issue.” Troy looked around the room as he came back in, eyes briefly lingering on the blood splatters in the dining room before settling on the imposter.

 _I’ve got a bad feeling about this..._ Ash thought to himself, slowly backing away from his body.

“Great!” Demon Ash grinned. “So now, that dinner I promised you...let’s see...” He made his way over to the counter and grabbed a knife off of the magnetic strip. “What shall we cook, hmm...?”

Ash rubbed his face and shook his head. The demon had promised to _cook_ for Troy. Troy knew very well that Ash couldn’t cook. Troy was the one who inadvertently snitched on him for eating uncooked ramen on the break room counter- it had apparently disturbed management enough that they felt the need to put out a memo about ‘properly preparing your food in the shared space that is the break room’. _This must have been what’s clued him in..._

“Alright, hold it right there...” Ash blanched as he watched Troy pull his gun out. “Hands where I can see them...nice and slow...” He calmly leveled his firearm on Ash’s body.

Demon Ash snickered as he glanced behind himself. “Now, now...you’re not really going to shoot me, are you? Your precious Dr. Langley? Why, if you shoot me, who will bring in all those creatures that you keep in your wretched containment department?” Ash watched the demon maneuver the blade of the knife to get a better look at Troy behind him.

“I said put your hands where I can see them. Now.” Troy’s voice was steel, unwavering.

Dave’s shoulders shook as he started laughing.

“NOW!”

“ _Dammit, just do what he’s asking!_ ” Ash yelled. Troy had gathered that whatever was in the kitchen with him wasn’t Ash, but what he didn’t seem to understand, was that the body standing in the kitchen was indeed Ash’s body.

Dave slowly turned around, raising his left arm though his right hand stayed by his side, loosely gripping the chef’s knife he had picked up from the magnetic strip. Ash frowned as he watched the scene unfold. Tensed as he watched his body take a calm, confident step towards Troy. The halogens in the kitchen glinted off of the blade of the knife- it was so strange to see himself confidently holding a knife. He wasn’t fond of blades. He couldn’t remember the last time he had actually used a knife without hurting himself. This knife in particular was brand new- a gift from his aunt when he moved in, never used. He knew that it had to have been wickedly sharp.

“Hold it right there.” Troy growled, standing his ground. “Not another step...”

Ash watched with horror as his body took another step. “What will they say, Troy, if you shoot me? Hmm?”

“I’m warning you...stay right where you are.”

Demon Ash tilted his head to the side as he paused. “Or...what? Are you really going to shoot me?”

“Who...or what are you? And what have you done with Dr. Langley?” Troy narrowed his eyes.

“Why, I’m not sure I know what you mean...” Demon Ash grinned as he took another step. “Why on earth would you think I’m not myself?”

“I told you...stay where you are. This is your last warning.”

“Now, now, Troy...let’s use that brain of yours for once in your life.” Demon Ash snickered and took another step. “If I’m not me, who else would I b-...” Demon Ash was cut short as a shot rang out. “Wh-...what...?” He eyes were wide as he looked down at his left shoulder. “You...you shot me...?” He put a hand to the wet, red stain that was quickly blooming on his shirt. “You really did shoot me, didn’t you?” His laughter reverberated off of the walls in the kitchen. “You shot me!”

“I told you...stay where you are.” Troy set his jaw and growled through clenched teeth. “What have you done with Dr. Langley?”

Demon Ash responded with high-pitched, keening laughter. “I haven’t done _anything_ with Dr. Langley, you bumbling oaf!” He lunged at Troy with the knife, but howled with pain as the burly, blonde man caught him by the left shoulder, digging his thumb into the bleeding bullet wound. “You horrible, wretched, hairless ape!” Demon Ash snarled, bringing his right arm around in a wide arc in an attempt to slash at the back of Troy’s knees.

Troy calmly kicked the knife away as he twisted his thumb deeper into the wound. Ash watched in horror as he saw the color drain from his face. But in this he saw a potential opportunity. Hephased through the wall and met up with Jack in the hallway.

“ _What the hell is going on out there, Ash???_ ” Jack whispered, shaking Ash by the shoulders. “ _Was that a gunshot I heard?_ ”

“ _Uh. Things are...breaking bad._ ” Ash glanced back towards the kitchen as he heard more expletives from his body as Troy continued calmly interrogating the demon. “ _But...well, due to numerous unforeseen circumstances, I think this demon is about to be forced out of my body...because I’m wagering that my body’s about to go into shock._ ”

Jack’s jaw dropped. “ _I thought you said you wasn’t gonna get shot!_ ”

“ _Well, it isn’t like I planned on getting shot...dammit, he got me in the shoulder I had replaced too...and he’s using some kind of torture technique or something._ ” Ash rubbed his face as he heard the demon’s high pitched cackle again. “ _A-anyways, I’m going to hope that shock pops him out, and I need to you tell Troy to stand down. I can’t have him sending the demon back to his own plane before I’ve had the chance to destroy his core. Because if that happens, I don’t get rid of the brand._ ”

Jack nodded as he composed himself. “ _Roger that...let’s erase this bastard._ ”

“ _Y-yeah...let’s finish this..._ ” Ash made his way back into the living room and pulled a face as he saw the grisly scene before him.

His body was pale and sweating, shaking slightly as he could hear the demon snickering from within. _Is he...trying to goad Troy into killing me???_ Troy stood confidently above the limp, crumpled form, right hand slick with Ash’s blood. There was so much blood. Far more blood than Ash wanted to see coming out of his own body. “I’m going to ask you one more time...what have you done with Dr. Langley?” Troy squeezed the injured shoulder to emphasize his point.

“Pitiful...pathetic...fool...” Demon Ash panted, grinning wickedly as he looked up at Troy. “Don’t you get it? I haven’t done anything to your precious Dr. Langley...but you...” He snickered as his head lolled forward again. “You...just may have killed him...” Ash’s body went limp, and Troy’s eyes went wide as he began to put the pieces together.

“Wh-...no...no, wait...wait!” Troy removed his hand from Ash’s shoulder and stepped back, frantically looking around the room. Ash’s body slumped down to the floor, his head hitting the hardwood with a sickening ‘thud’. Troy leaned over Ash’s unconscious body, a string of swears and prayers coming from his mouth as he evaluated the unconscious man’s vitals. As he did so, Ash saw what he was waiting for.

Like an oil slick, the demon exited Ash’s form, snaking along the floor under Troy and materializing behind him, poised to strike at the unsuspecting man. Before he had the chance to do so, however, Ash took the opening that he saw.

He faded out from his position and flickered briefly before reappearing behind the demon. Ash’s arm blurred as he swiftly thrust it into the demon’s torso and he found himself grinning as he felt the stinging electric buzz of contact from his fingers gripping the blisteringly hot core of the demon. “ _Check, you son of a bitch..._ ”

The demon seized up as Ash wrapped his hand around his core, and Troy scrambled to his feet, pulling his gun out again as he saw the true form of what had been inhabiting Ash’s body. Before Troy had the opportunity to act, Jack squared up beside him.

“ _No sudden moves there, friend..._ ” Jack crossed his arms as he looked down at Ash’s crumpled body. ” _Our man Ash is trying to deal with this situation, and he doesn’t need you messing things up any more than you already have._ ”

“Excuse me?” Troy whirled around to face Jack, looking him up and down as he assessed the situation. “Wait...what?”

Ash tuned out the two voices arguing on the other side of the demon as he felt the heat of its core searing into his essence. He didn’t have much time to finish this and set his jaw as he began tightening his fist around the core.

“W-wait!” The demon cried out, giving Ash a brief moment of pause.

“ _Whatever it is, I don’t want to hear it..._ ” Ash grumbled, continuing to squeeze the core that was burning into him.

“Please....r-reconsider...I’ll...I’ll make a _deal_ with you. I’ll give you power....whatever you want...” Desperation soaked through the demon’s nasal, shrill voice.

“ _Huh...whatever I want?_ ” Ash smirked.

“ _N-no! Ash! Don’t make a fucking deal with it!_ ” Jack yelled, furious and terrified.

Ash ignored him. “ _Well, why don’t you beg for mercy, hmm?_ ”

“B-beg?”

“ _Yeah._ ” Ash’s voice was cold and calm. “ _Beg for mercy._ ” The heat from the core was almost unbearable.

The demon swallowed. “Y-yes...very well. I beg of you...p-please...spare me. I beg of you Dr. Langley...please...show mercy...”

“ _Heh. That was okay, I guess. But sorry, Dave..._ ” Ash smirked. “ _It’s against company policy. Section 17 article 3a of the employee handbook explicitly forbids showing mercy to demons or demon adjacent entities....and I’ve already been written up once for it._ ” He gritted his teeth and summoned his strength to crush the howling core that he held in his hand, smiling and letting his eyelids flutter shut briefly as he felt the satisfying crunch in his palm. _Delicate...like glass..._ A blistering heat ran up his forearm as the shards of the demon’s core embedded themselves in his palm.

The demon made a shocked, guttural noise as the core crunched and looked down at his feet with were rapidly unmaking themselves. He began laughing. It started low and quiet and quickly crescendoed into a high pitched racket that caused Ash to involuntarily wince. “You fool, you _fool_! You could have had it all...you could have had anything! Foolish human...foolish...foolish...”

Ash watched as the demon was reduced to a pile of smoldering goo and hung his head. “ _F-finally...it’s...over._ ” He looked up at Jack and smiled. “ _Guess I can finally get back into my body._ ”

“ _Y-yeah. Guess so..._ ” Jack’s eyes were filled with sadness as he rested a hand on Ash’s cheek. “ _You...better get back in there. Not good for a living body to go too long without its spirit._ ”

Ash nodded as he stepped over to where his body was crumpled on the floor, smiling at Jack as he paused. “ _Here’s looking at you, kid..._ ” With that cheesy line dispatched, he settled into his body, happy to finally be himself again. He closed his eyes, and a terrible stitching sensation filled his form before his world went black.

***

Everything hurt. His head. His shoulder. He was just at the doctor’s office- was he? They never did get his insurance information. Was he in a car accident on the way back? Things were hazy. His arm hurt. Everything hurt. He heard voices from some place far away. Sirens?

“Nng...why...is everything so wet?” Ash’s ears were ringing and he was incredibly thirsty. “Oh...that’s right....I haven’t had my coffee yet...” He groaned as he attempted to get up and was met with intense dizziness coupled with a searing pain in his left shoulder when he attempted to put weight on it. He couldn’t move it at all. “Wh-what...happened to me...” He opened his eyes and was confused as he saw Troy and Jack staring down at him. “What are you two looking at? What happened?”

“ _You...do you not remember?_ ” Jack’s voice was quiet and sad. “ _Don’t you remember being on my side of things?_ ”

Ash frowned. He remembered something. Something had happened. But he wasn’t sure what it was. He remembered that doctor. Something bad had happened. He winced as he got strange flashes of seeing his body moving without him in it. “No. I...don’t remember. I don’t recall...” Ash began hyperventilating as he began to suspect he was missing a huge chunk of his memory. Something important had happened, and it was gone from his memory banks. “I...I don’t remember anything at all...”

Troy put a reassuring hand on his right shoulder. “Easy now. You’re recovering from a possession incident, Agent Langley. Medics are inbound, and we’ll get this spirit here taken down to containment.” He flashed Jack a nasty look.

“ _H-hey you big palooka, what’s the big idea here!_ ” Jack snarled, bowing up to the burly blonde man. “ _Like hell you’re going to try and take me out of my own house!_ ”

Ash shook his head. “C-calm down, Jack.” He lazily looked up at Troy. “You...you can’t touch him. I filled out the form...I have an exception on file.” He closed his eyes and attempted to take a few deep breaths to center himself. He was awfully tired. His whole body burned and ached. Breathing felt strange and unnatural. “Already got a form 701S, signed by Mr. Smith, co-signed by Angela...he’s a class 3 spirit, but he’s bound to this place so we’re effectively looking at a class 1, you can’t touch him...”

“Wait...a 701S???” Troy narrowed his eyes. “But...that form’s for-...” He sounded...sad? Defeated? Angry?

“I know what it’s for, you should mind your business...” Ash groaned as he looked over at his left shoulder. Why the hell did it hurt so bad? He blinked as he processed what he was seeing. Red drenched his shoulder and most of his torso and seemed to be coming from a centralized point. A bullet wound. “Wh-who....who shot me?” His voice broke. He had already been shot in that shoulder twice before. Already had to go through one shoulder replacement. Based on the damage, he was guessing a second was in his future. He didn’t want to have to deal with another surgery. Another recovery. He felt tears sting his eyes before they rolled down his temples and joined the sweat in his hair.

“ _This jackass did it!_ ” Jack pointed an accusatory finger at Troy. “ _I...I told you that you were going to get shot...why didn’t you listen to me?_ ” Jack’s voice broke as he placed a cold hand on Ash’s cheek.

Ash shivered and looked up at Troy. “You...you shot me?”

“I...I mean, yeah...”

“But why? Why would you shoot me?” Ash winced as a sob wracked his torso.

“I just...I didn’t know that it was your body, I just knew that whatever that thing was, it wasn’t you.” Troy sighed. “L-look, man, I...I’m sorry, okay? I’ll do whatever it takes to make it up to you...”

Ash groaned and closed his eyes. He felt his body shaking and he was very thirsty. “I...I haven’t had my coffee yet...Troy, be a mensch and get me some coffee?” He mumbled, feeling sleep pull him ever closer. He began to drift off, but his eyes snapped open as a fleeting thought of Jack’s lips against his flashed across his memory. He felt warm. Like a 9-volt battery was pressed up against him. He remembered freckles. He remembered Jack’s eyes. “Jack...your eyes are blue, aren’t they?” He squinted as Jack came in and out of focus. He was very tired.

Jack’s eyes went wide and he nodded. “ _So you do remember! You remember, right?_ ”

Ash frowned and shook his head. “Not really...nothing concrete. My head hurts...I must have hit my head. I...I don’t feel well...” He whimpered. “N-no more surgeries...no more hospitals...no more doctors. Please. Please don’t let them take me...” He looked up at Troy with pleading eyes, briefly protesting as medics entered his home and proceeded to hook him up to various things as they lifted him onto a stretcher. “W-wait...Jack, let the cats out of the bedroom, will you? H-hey, let _go_ of me...” He weakly attempted to swat a medic’s questing hand away as it nimbly maneuvered a needle attached to an IV line into his arm.

They were asking him so many questions. All questions that he had answered before. His name. Age. Who the president was. Where he was. Such boring, tedious questions. He sighed after answering the first two and let unconsciousness wrap around him like a dark, heavy blanket. It was over now. He could finally rest. He’d wake up later under some unfamiliar ceiling, in an unfamiliar bed...but for now, he could get some rest in his own familiar body.


	6. Epilogue: The Big Come Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tying all the ends together, a glimpse of the aftermath

_And I sweep up my dreams with a pan and a broom..._

“Oh! Dr. Langley!”

Ash winced as he heard a familiar voice call for him. He skirted past the containment department on his way to his appointment, trying to feign obliviousness. _Jeez, just...pretend you don’t hear him. It’s embarrassing enough I have to see this damn shrink, I don’t need anyone seeing me like this._ He ducked his head and picked up his pace.

The shoulder replacement surgery had been a mere two weeks ago, and he had been stubbornly refusing assistance with basic tasks such as grooming and dressing himself. His face bore the evidence of the fact that he was not as ambidextrous with fine motor control tasks such as shaving as he had thought he was. Knicks, uneven patches, and a bandage covering a deeper slice along the left side of his jaw. He found himself wishing that he had practiced using his right hand to shave more when he had his shoulder replaced the first time. His shirt was buttoned, but buttoned and buttoned _correctly_ were two different things. He had swapped his usual converse for a new pair of Vans slip ons, as he knew tying his shoes was a battle he would lose. His left arm was held in a dark blue sling to minimize his ability to hurt himself with the normal movement of his day to day activities.

He’d been through shoulder replacement before, but last time his aunt had been with him. This time, though, an uneasy paranoia had caused him to push everyone away. Something inside of him felt dangerous, and he couldn’t risk snapping and hurting anyone. Jack was beside himself through all of this- maudlin and moping about lost memories, and going on and on about how he couldn’t stand to see Ash struggle like this, insisting that he call his aunt, Frankie, Doug, Sid, anyone...but Ash couldn’t bring himself to let anyone in right now. It was too much. Something was loose and rattling around inside of his head, like a component had broken off of his brain and was on the cusp of getting jammed and causing a problem. He was on edge. Unstable. Even so, he didn’t feel like he needed this company mandated psychiatric care.

“Yo, Dr. Langley, wait up!”

Ash rolled his eyes and sighed as Troy jogged up next to him. “H-hello Troy...” He continued his brisk pace to avoid being trapped in small talk...or worse.

“H-hey...how are you doing?” It was easy enough for Troy, standing six foot four, to keep up with Ash, and the shorter man grimaced with the effort of power walking while saturated with Vicodin.

“Fine.” A lie. Ash felt a sudden desire for a Klonopin and a nap as his pulse climbed and a tightness gripped his chest. Fear crawled under his skin. It burrowed down in the scar left by the bullet Troy had shot him with and spread out through his torso. The sweat forming on his face and neck was cold and sent a chill across him in the air conditioned corridors leading to the medical wing of The Agency. “Peachy f-fucking keen...” Another lie. He was certainly _not_ peachy fucking keen.

“Oh...okay. It’s just...you don’t look so hot. No offense.” Troy sighed and shook his head. “Look man, I’m...I’m really sorry. I feel really bad about what happened...”

“I know, Troy...” Ash clenched his jaw. “Don’t worry about it...” Anything to end this awkward conversation. “It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“No, it’s...it’s not fine. I’m really sorry. I just didn’t know. I knew it wasn’t you but I didn’t realize it was still your body.” He sighed. “I would have never shot you if I would have known...I just feel so bad, man.” His voice broke.

Ash exhaled sharply and stopped, pinching the bridge of his nose before looking up at Troy. “Just stop, okay? I...I don’t need you ‘feeling bad’, okay? It doesn’t turn back time, it doesn’t give me my memories back, it doesn’t fix my shoulder, and it doesn’t get me out of these stupid damn shrink appointments.” He sighed and hung his head as he watched Troy’s expression turn from surprised to hurt. “I’m sorry for snapping...my shoulder hurts and it’s making me...unpleasant.” He rubbed his face and frowned at how sweaty he was.

“I’ve been calling you, man. But you never pick up.” Troy’s voice was quiet. “I know you’re probably needing help, right?”

“I don’t need any help.” The words were barely audible as they slipped out from between Ash’s lips.

“Well, I’m just saying...it kind of seems like maybe you do...”

“I said I don’t need help!” Ash hissed before continuing on towards the door to the on site psychiatrist’s office. _Shit_. He immediately regretted being so nasty- Troy had good intentions. But something about Troy made Ash very uneasy now. Still, aside from the whole shooting him thing, Troy had always been nothing but kind and pleasant towards him. He sighed. He stopped. Turned around to see a wounded Troy staring dejectedly after him. “Jeez...I’m sorry...like I said, I’m just...not in the best of spirits right now.” He grumbled, looking everywhere but at Troy. “Look, if it’ll shut you up, I’ll...I guess I’ll answer the phone next time you call. Maybe. If I’m not like asleep. Or busy.”

“Really?”

Ash nodded. “Yeah...hell, if you _really_ want to help, you’ll give me a ride back to my house after this stupid appointment. Had to take a Lyft here and between that whack job’s stunt driving and the pain killers, I thought I was going to lose my lunch.” He threw a cheeky smile Troy’s way. “I mean, you do kind of owe me...seeing as the whole reason I can’t freaking drive for the next month is because you had to go and shoot me.”

“H-hey now...I told you I...oh wait. You’re joking, aren’t you?”

Ash sighed. “Yes, Troy. I’m joking.” He ran his right hand through his hair as he continued on his way to the door. “I even _smiled_.”

Troy laughed. “I get it now! Real funny, Dr. Langley. So uh, what time do you need a ride?”

“Well, this thing is supposed to last 90 minutes...so I guess after about an hour and a half?” He frowned as they reached the door.

“Hell yes, it’s a date!” Troy grinned.

Ash frowned and felt heat creep into his cheeks and spread across his ears. “It’s not a date. You’re just doing me a favor. Don’t be weird about it or I’ll change my mind.”

“Okay, okay, whatever you say...I’ll be here to pick you up once you’re done.”

“Great. Thanks.” Ash sighed and opened the large, metal door to the office. A prickling dread crept down his spine as he entered the room. The doctor wasn’t here yet, so Ash had a moment to observe his surroundings without being monitored.

A black name plate on the mahogany desk had ‘Dr. David Maslov’ spelled out in gold letters. The desk was large and intimidating, its surface bare save for the name plate, a Waldmann Tango fountain pen (solid silver if Ash recalled that type correctly), a Nortel desk phone, and a small, leather bound notebook. He idly ran his fingers over the edge of the desk as he regarded a large bookshelf on the far wall- the books were largely texts on psychology and human behavior...at least the ones in English. The others were in a language Ash couldn’t quite identify, but he wagered there were Slavic in origin. It seemed strangely out of place- most of The Agency looked like a decrepit office building from the mid-90s- sickly beige walls, ceiling tiles that were ringed with water stains and always one sneeze away from falling onto whatever poor soul dared disturb the air molecules surrounding them, papers piled high in the inboxes of the various employees, ancient IBM computers with cathode ray tube monitors, held together by duct tape and dreams, stock standard grey carpeting that was worn to the concrete beneath in the main traffic thoroughfares, cubicles that were constantly falling down around the employees working in the spaces within (Ash was lucky in that he was assigned a cube next to a wall, so he only had to worry about two and a half walls falling down around him)- but this office was distinctly fancy. Something felt off. _Budget cuts my ass..._

Ash looked behind himself as he heard the door open and the blood crawled to a stop in his veins as he got a look at the person who walked through the door. Tall. Gangly. Sallow skin. Light brown hair. Almost cartoonishly pointed features. But the main thing that stood out to him was this person’s eyes- warm burgundy. Such an uncommon eye color. Images of the cruel doctor from his ‘physical’ flashed through his mind and he made an involuntary noise as slammed into a bookshelf while backing away from the stranger. _What...the fuck..._

“Oh, Mr. Langley, I apologize for startling you...and for being a little late.” The man said with a pleasant smile. “I had to stop by your Human Resources department to retrieve your file, I didn’t think it would take quite as long as it did.” He tilted his head to the side as he regarded the auburn haired man slithering along the bookshelf in an effort to stay as far away from him as possible. “Are you okay, Mr. Langley?”

“Dr. Langley.” Ash said, monotone as he pushed down the fear he was feeling. He could deal with processing that fear later at home under the scalding water of the shower.

“Excuse me?”

“Dr. Langley.” He eyed the door as he finally reached it. “I’m...going to have to reschedule. Something’s come up.”

The man sighed. “I’m afraid that isn’t advisable, Dr. Langley.” He opened his notebook up and began thumbing through the manila folder that he brought in with him. “At least, not if you want to get back to work on schedule. The end date of your leave is contingent upon you finishing a minimum number of sessions.” He looked down at the documents in the folder, his eyebrows raising slightly as he perused the contents. “Along with receiving a final evaluation from myself that confirms you are fit for work.”

Ash frowned as he thought. Something seemed off, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. He was definitely at work, though, and not in some strange pocket dimension. And Troy would be waiting for him. _Okay...don’t panic. Just sit here for the hour and a half, and don’t give him anything. You just have to complete the sessions, you don’t have to make it easy for him._

“Please.” The man smiled again and gestured towards a chair in front of the desk. “Have a seat.

“Yeah. Sure.” Ash narrowed his eyes and made his way over to the chair, sitting stiffly as he suspiciously regarded the doctor.

“Wonderful. So, I’m Dr. Maslov, but you can call me Dave.”

“Absolutely I will the fuck not.” Ash felt dizzy. Sick. Something about the name Dave with this man was incredibly unpalatable to him. “Let’s keep it professional.”

Dr. Maslov blinked. “Very well, Dr. Langley.” He took the cap off of the fountain pen and picked up his notebook. “So, let’s get a measure of you. Tell me a little bit about yourself.”

“That’s a very open ended question that I’m not sure how to answer.” Ash crossed his right arm across his torso and looked at the doctor’s fountain pen. _The Tango, huh? Favored pen among writers, but it has a lot of bleed and feathering for use in a notebook like that one. Doesn’t seem like a great choice for a psychiatrist to use for the purpose of taking patient notes._

“Tell me about your childhood.”

“Absolutely not.”

The doctor sighed. “Well, is there anything in particular you would like to talk about?”

“I was thinking we could stare at each other in icy silence for, oh, about ninety minutes, and then I could go home.” Ash pressed the fingers of his right hand against his eyelid. His shoulder was beginning to throb.

The doctor chuckled. “Well, that doesn’t sound very productive.”

Ash snorted. “Oh, it’s going to be productive for me. I’ll be thinking of things, but I’m just not going to share with you what those things are.”

“You know, what you went through was a very traumatic event.” The doctor looked up at Ash over his notebook. “It’s natural to feel anxious about opening up or recalling that event.” He jotted something down in the notebook. “You may sit for as long as you need to compose yourself, and I will be here as an impartial agent who will listen to what you have to say, and offer advise if you so desire.”

Ash closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair. “Well, doctor, you’ve got the file, that should give you all the information you need. I don’t know why I’m needed here.”

“Well, I do indeed have the file, and it’s a rather thorough account...” He set down the notebook and pen and peered over his tented fingers at Ash. “But it does lack one thing...”

“Oh? And what, pray tell, is that?”

“The emotional aspect. Of course it’s easy to put this all into a very cerebral place, but in order to fully understand it, and to understand the effect it had on you so I can best help you get through it, I need to know how it affected you.” The doctor’s voice was measured and calm, with a faint European accent. Ash couldn’t quite place where it was from. It didn’t matter- Ash had no desire to get to know this man in any capacity at all. “So, tell me...how do you feel about what happened, Dr. Langley?”

Ash chuckled. “Well, I wish I could help you, but I don’t actually have much memory of the whole thing. What you have in your report there is probably more useful than anything I could provide.”

“Well, if you would like...” Dr. Maslov’s voice dropped to a low, conspiratorial tone. “I can attempt to hypnotize you. You could regain your memories that way...”

“Are you kidding me? Hell no. No way.” Ash shook his head.

“Are you sure?” The doctor smiled at Ash. “I’ve had great success with even the most problematic cases.”

“Yeah. I’m sure.” Ash glanced over at the clock. “Forty minutes.”

“Excuse me?”

Ash rubbed his face. “It’s been forty minutes. Fifty more to go.”

“You know...” The doctor sighed and looked down at his desk. “The time will go by much faster if we talk. Why don’t we start with something easy. Simple. Tell me what interests you.”

“Pass.”

“Pass?”

“I’m choosing the skip this question.” Ash grumbled, looking over at the door. He didn’t particularly care for the quiet, measured way the doctor was observing him.

The man nodded and set his notebook down on the desk. “Well, I can share with you something that interests me, if that would make it easier for you. Would that be acceptable, Dr. Langley?”

Ash arched a brow but remained silent. He glanced over at the notebook to try and get a peek of what the doctor was writing about him and frowned as he saw that the language he was writing in wasn’t English.

“Well, _I’m_ quite fond of camping.” Dr. Maslov folded his hands on his desk and tilted his head at Ash. “Do you camp, Dr. Langley?”

Ash snorted. “I do...but you don’t seem the type, Dr. Maslov.”

“Oh?” Dr. Maslov smiled. “And why is that?”

The auburn haired man shrugged as he glanced down at his lap. “You just don’t seem like the type...at least not for proper camping.” He laughed to himself. “A ski lodge suite in Colorado isn’t exactly camping, Dr. Maslov.”

Dr. Maslov’s eyebrows raised ever so slightly. “So...what about me has caused you to come to this conclusion?” He sounded almost amused.

“This...” Ash gestured around himself. “You’ve...you’ve surrounded yourself with all of these really fancy things here. Like...none of this came from here. Have you seen this place? Hell, my cubicle is held up by two by fours that I bought _myself_. Budget cuts, they said...” Ash rolled his eyes. “The whole building looks like a horror movie from the late nineties.” He shifted in his chair as he ran a finger along the edge of the mahogany desk. “But here you are...in this office...with all of these really nice pieces of furniture, nice chairs, a whole library of books...and not to mention a freaking five hundred dollar fountain pen that isn’t even well suited for the purpose you’re using it for!”

“Hmmm...so tell me, Dr. Langley...how does this...” Dr. Maslov gestured around himself. “Bring you to the conclusion that I’m not the sort of person who enjoys camping?”

“Because!” Ash let out an exasperated sigh. “You...you can’t even exist in this space without tarting it up...making it something it isn’t. Someone this desperate to surround themselves with excessive finery isn’t the kind of person who would make a hobby out of stripping all of that away and spending time out in nature.” He set his jaw as he looked over to the door. An aggravating thought was beginning to dawn on him. “And...you’ve fucking gotten into my head about this...you don’t enjoy camping. It’s in my file somewhere, and you fucking used this information to get into my damn head.” He grumbled and glared at the doctor before looking back down at his lap.

Dr. Maslov chuckled. “Well, Dr. Langley...though I appreciate your assessment, please allow me to provide more information that may put your mind at ease. Your likes, hobbies, etcetera are not listed in your file...and I do legitimately enjoy camping. We did it quite frequently when I was a child.” He cleared his throat and wrote something else inside of the notebook. “For your first point, admittedly, I have tailored this office to suit my own tastes, as far as aesthetics go. But it serves an additional purpose. Tell me, in which space would you feel more comfortable? A cold, bland office, devoid of any personal touches...decrepit, mildewed, falling apart...? Or, would it make more sense to see a mental health professional in a space that is warm, comfortable, filled with personal touches that convey that you are seeing a human being about a human condition?”

Ash narrowed his eyes at the doctor before finally casting his surly gaze to the bookshelf. “If this is about me, I’m quite frankly not comfortable seeing a shrink in either situation. But...I understand your point, I guess.”

“Very good. So you understand that I, as a mental health practitioner, would like for my patients to feel as comfortable and at ease as possible when they come to see me. Treatment becomes very difficult when one’s patient comes for healing into a space where they are uncomfortable...or even downright afraid.” Another note made in the notebook. “Now, to further elaborate...this is my professional space. We all exist in our professional and personal spaces in many different ways. I enjoy being surrounded by my books, my nice furniture, and I enjoy using my nice fountain pen in my professional life. How I exist in my personal life is not altogether the same. Similar, perhaps...but not the same.” He set down his pen and looked over at Ash. “Do you, Dr. Langley, exist in your professional space the same as your personal space?”

“I...I don’t know...” Ash looked over at the clock. Twenty minutes to go.

“Well, describe to me what is important in a work space for you.”

Ash shrugged. “It’s all the same to me. As long as I have space to write and know where everything is, I don’t really care.” He glanced over at the doctor before looking back down at his left hand peeking out of the sling. “I...don’t spend a lot of time at my desk. I’m a field agent. I spend most of my time out in the field.”

“At the university, then...I see that you’re a professor? Tell me about your work space there...”

“Like I said, as long as I can write and I know where everything is, I don’t really care.” Ash rolled his eyes. “Besides, I don’t spend much time in my office at UT either.”

“I am noticing a common theme- you don’t spend too much time in your work spaces.” The doctor picked up his pen and made a note. “Is this...by design?”

Ash blinked. He had never thought about it before. But he didn’t enjoy being trapped behind a desk. It made him chafe, made him restless. He wasn’t about to tell this guy that, though. “I...don’t know.”

“Well, it certainly is an interesting similarity. Perhaps you should spend some time thinking about that.” Dr. Maslov took a deep breath and looked back up at Ash. “So...as we’re on the topic of work, please allow me to ask again.” His voice was very calm and soothing. “Do you feel comfortable enough now to perhaps recount for me what happened with the demonic entity?”

Ash growled and squeezed his eyes shut as he rubbed his forehead. “You’re not going to lay off about that, are you?”

Dr. Maslov sighed. “I’m afraid I wouldn’t be doing my job if I simply ‘laid off’ about it.”

Ash looked up at the clock. Fifteen minutes left. He sighed. Might as well give him the run down. There wasn’t enough time left for him to be thoroughly psychoanalyzed. “Fine...fine! Whatever. It’s not like I remember much anyway...” He set his jaw and closed his eyes as he leaned back in his chair. “I got a text message about my physical, so I went to the specified address at the specified time. But...it wasn’t from anyone Donna had contracted, it was from this demon. I think Donna was in league with this bastard, though. Fucking Donna distributed an amendment to the employee handbook, and conveniently managed to leave me out of the distro- I checked, all the other field agents, everyone in containment, everyone in the med wing, management, accounting, quality control, facilities...they all got one. I was the one employee who didn’t. So of course I didn’t know the regulations on physicals had been updated, and of course I would blindly go in without thinking twice. Motivated by fear of the wrath of fucking Donna.” He sighed and shook his head.

“So you think it was your Human Resources representative...setting you up?”

Ash narrowed his eyes. _Oh no, you bastard. You’re not going to psychoanalyze me._ “I’m not fucking finished...you wanna hear the story so bad, don’t interrupt.”

“My apologies, Dr. Langley...please...” He held up his hands. “Do continue...”

Ash glared at Dr. Maslov before continuing. “Thank you. So I go to this place, and things were screwy. Just wrong, you know? You get to know when something’s turned upside down once you’ve been in this racket as long as I have.” He sighed and rubbed his face. “But again, I was terrified of having to work containment cleanup or worse. So I just gritted my teeth and pressed on. It’s like...this whole place was an approximation of what a doctor’s office may have looked like in someone’s nightmare. They didn’t even copy my insurance information...just went through the motions.” He swallowed hard as he felt his pulse quickening. A cold sweat broke out on his brow and upper lip. “And they...they led me back to the room. We had to pass through so many hallways. Too many...too many hallways. And...and I...the clocks weren’t right...I remember that.” A thin sliver of pain began creeping up across his forehead and branched across the right side of his scalp. He felt himself shaking. “And when this guy strolls in he...he...well, he looked a lot like _you_ , actually...” Ash met Dr. Maslov’s eyes with his own very briefly before looking down at the fountain pen the man was holding in his hands. He fell silent. The world was spinning around him and his head felt like it was going to split apart.

The doctor waited a few moments before speaking. “Is this...all you remember, Dr. Langley?”

“He just...looked _so much_ like you...” Ash’s voice was shaking. He looked down at his right hand and made a fist. Imagined how satisfying it would be for his fist to come into violent contact with Dr. Maslov’s jaw. The thoughts of red, thoughts of pummeling flesh and crunching bone under fist, thoughts of closing his hand around the doctor’s throat until the man was still and silent- they made him feel sick, but at the same time, he felt something in him going positively giddy at the thought of such righteous violence. He wanted to go home. Wanted to leave before he did something regrettable. “Why did he look so much like _you_ , Dr. Maslov?!” His voice came out thin and shrill. He didn’t sound like himself. He didn’t feel like himself. He needed to lay down.

Dr. Maslov sat across the desk, unmoved and unmoving. “Tell me, Dr. Langley. How does this make you feel?”

“How do you fucking _think_ it makes me feel?” Ash growled, standing up and leaning over the desk. He slammed his right hand down on it for emphasis. “ _Please_ , Dr. Maslov. Tell me, as a mental health professional, how do you think I’m feeling right now, hmm?!!”

“Well,...” The doctor calmly folded his hands in front of himself as he looked up at Ash. “I can only judge based on how you are outwardly displaying your behavior...I’m a psychiatrist, not a mind reader.” The doctor’s stillness was strange and unnerving. No sense of fear. No elevated respiration. No physical signs of stress- none that Ash could pick up on, anyway. “But based on your current behavior, I would say that you are feeling agitated. Fearful. Angry.” He blinked, his gaze not leaving Ash. “Am I correct, Dr. Langley?”

Ash winced and grabbed his head as an ice pick of pain lanced through it. “Nng!” Unsolicited memories of his experience in the ‘clinic’ began flooding through his consciousness unbidden. The five minute hallway. Fluorescent lights, flickering, suddenly blood red. Wicked smile. A syringe full of thick, black fluid. The wicked grin of the cruel doctor as he pushed Ash’s spirit out of his body. It was as if he had opened the container he crammed those memories in, and suddenly they were spilling out all over the floor of his mind. There were so many things he didn’t want to remember. So many things that would have been better left buried. His breath was ragged and shallow as he looked down at the desk, desperately trying to gain some kind of emotional purchase. The pain in his head grew so intense that the lights in the office started causing him physical pain. Every sound intensified and drilled into his skull, sending waves of nauseating pain directly into his spine. The nerves of his shoulder screamed as his blood pressure soared. “H-help...fucking help me...instead of just sitting there, you son of a bitch...” Ash whimpered as he slid down to the floor.

Ash clutched his shirt front with his right hand as he gasped for air. No matter how he tried, it felt like he couldn’t get a full inhale. He couldn’t catch his breath. He couldn’t breathe. He was going to suffocate in this place and this son of a bitch wasn’t doing anything to help. “A m-medic...get a f-fucking medic, you asshole...” Ash wheezed. _Am...am I having a heart attack??? I’m going to die...I’m going to die here!_ The edges of his vision went dark and he felt the uncomfortable sensation of pins and needles in his hands. _A panic attack...you’re having a panic attack. Focus. Relax your tongue. Unclench your jaw._ He nodded at his own instructions and attempted to relax his jaw and tongue. “W-water...I need water...” Water helped. Cold water especially, but any water would do. Ash was vaguely aware that the doctor had stepped away from his desk and was rifling through a nearby cabinet. He squeezed his eyes shut and took deep breaths, desperate to stop the escalating feeling of panic that threatened to consume him.

“Dr. Langley...” The calm, strangely reassuring voice of Dr. Maslov wafted through Ash’s consciousness, prompting him to open his eyes. “Look at me, Dr. Langley...”

Ash groaned and gritted his teeth as he tried to focus on Dr. Maslov, but something glinted in his periphery and drew his attention away from the doctor’s face. _Is that...a syringe...?_ He narrowed his eyes and felt his skin grow cold and clammy as he confirmed that the item Dr. Maslov was holding was a syringe filled with a clear liquid. “Wh-what...the fuck is that...what the fuck is that...?????” Ash’s voice escalated into a range he wasn’t sure he should have been able to achieve as he quickly scrambled backwards, briefly wincing as he slammed into a bookshelf. “Stay right there...don’t you fucking come near me...” Ash instinctively pawed at his hip where his holster would have been and frowned as he remembered he had come unarmed.

“Now, now, Dr. Langley...” The doctor held out a hand and beckoned for Ash to come over to him as he crouched down by the desk. “This should help with the pain and the agitation. If you’ll permit me...?”

Ash scowled. “Like hell...I don’t trust you. You just s-stay over there, and get the fucking medic...” Ash wheezed and gripped his shirt front again.

Dr. Maslov nodded and held up his hands, gently placing the syringe on the desk and scooting it out of his reach. “Alright, then. Before I go, tell me so I can relay to the medics...on a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your pain...?”

Ash felt the world begin to fall away from him as those words left Dr. Maslov’s lips. The doctor’s concerned, gentle visage was replaced with the wickedly grinning face of the demon who had possessed him. “No...no no no...” Ash felt the heat of tears as they fell down his cheeks. Time slowed and everything twisted and distorted around him. The kind and reasonable Dr. Maslov was no longer in front of him. He instinctively kicked what had replaced the doctor in the chest as it lunged towards him, darkness closing in on him as his consciousness began shutting down. He was falling backwards...through the bookshelf, through the floor, through the earth itself. Backwards into darkness. He felt like he was dying. His heart was stopping, he was sure of it. He couldn’t breathe. Why wasn’t anyone helping him? He was going to die here...he couldn’t stop falling.

As he fell, he began to see scenes take shape around him. _Memories...?_ He saw Jack. Jack’s laughter filled the space around him. Blue eyes. Freckles. He was in color. Everything else was black and white. He narrowed his eyes as he fell past a moment hung in time- he was sitting on his couch and Jack was across from him, holding something blue and brightly glowing in his hands. _My...core...? That’s right...it was my core._ He shivered as he recalled the feeling of having his core touched...delicately removed from his chest...Jack had been so gentle with it. Handled it so tenderly. _Delicate like glass..._ He saw another scene of Jack and him engaged in a kiss on said couch. Ash’s cheeks flushed. This was private...he shouldn’t be seeing this. The scene shifted and intensified, suddenly Jack was on top of him, getting to know him in a very _intimate_ way. _Is this...real??? Did that really happen...? Oh...oh no. That must be why he’s been so upset. If this really did happen, and I forgot about it...oh...oh jeez. What the fuck did I do...?_ He shook his head and closed his eyes, unwilling to see any more. He felt like he wasn’t ready to remember this yet. A dull ache persisted in his skull as he continued to float downwards before delicately landing on his couch.

He sighed. The television flickered on to a show he and Jack had been watching. _Huh...Great British Bake Off...did...did I die? Was that my life flashing in front of my eyes?_ He idly looked around as he waited for Jack to join him on the couch. It was the last bit of the show-stopper, and judging was going to start soon. Jack always liked that part best. “Hey Jack....come on...” He looked idly at the television and closed his eyes.

“...you’re going to miss the judging...” Ash mumbled, frowning as his eyes fluttered open and he found himself lying on the floor staring at a very concerned, and then very relieved Dr. Maslov crouched next to him. “Wh...what....?” A medic on his other side gave Dr. Maslov a thumbs up before standing up and leaving the office.

“Oh, Dr. Langley...thank goodness.” He smiled at Ash. “You seem to have had a post-traumatic stress induced episode. But the good news is, your vitals are fine, and you will be happy to hear that your time has elapsed for this session, so...provided you’re feeling up to it, you may leave.” He stood up and offered Ash his glasses. “Of course, you may stay here for as long as you need to coalesce.”

Ash groaned as he accepted his glasses and got to his feet. _A post-traumatic stress reaction...huh._ He rubbed his face. “I’d...like to go now.” His voice was dry and hoarse. The pain in his head had subsided slightly, but it was still incredibly unpleasant.

Dr. Maslov nodded. “Certainly understandable.” He walked over to the door and paused before opening it. “Your next session doesn’t need to be considered an intake session, so we’ll only take an hour rather than ninety minutes. We shall meet weekly for sixty minute sessions until I am able to declare you fit for work. In addition, we will be discontinuing your prescription for clonazepam, and I’ll be switching you to buspirone instead.”

“E-excuse me?” Ash blinked. “You...you can’t just do that, I _need_ those...”

Dr. Maslov shook his head. “I don’t recommend that class of drug for someone with your specific history and temperament.” He smiled sadly at Ash. “Quite clever for you to get it via a general practitioner, but we must put a stop to that. It’s for your own good, and I think you’ll find that long term, the buspirone will be more effective in managing your anxiety, and you will suffer fewer side effects.”

Ash glared at the doctor.

“You’ll have to trust me on this one, Dr. Langley.” He handed Ash a folder. “At least give it a few weeks. If we don’t see improvement, we can re-evaluate. Nothing is set in stone. The folder contains our treatment plan along with what you can expect with each visit. Oh, and the prescription is in there as well. You may fill it at your preferred pharmacy.”

“Fine.” Ash sighed. He didn’t really have anything to lose at this point. “So uh...Dr. Maslov...what happened while I was blacked out?”

Dr. Maslov tilted his head to the side. “What do you mean?”

“I mean...like, what happened to my body?” He felt a small dread prickling under his skin. He couldn’t shake the feeling that any time he went unconscious, something was going to use the opportunity to climb inside of his body and puppet him around.

“Ah. Well, after you kicked me in the chest...” Dr. Maslov chuckled and shook his head. “You simply...fell backwards and began convulsing.”

Ash blinked. “So I...had a seizure?”

“More likely a pseudoseizure brought on by psychological stress.” He placed a gentle hand on Ash’s uninjured shoulder. “But worry not, Dr. Langley. The medics did a full examination, and confirmed it should be nothing to worry about. Your vitals are fine and stable. If you experience lasting neurological symptoms, please do let me know, though, and we can ensure you’re evaluated.” He observed Ash for a moment before continuing. “If I may ask...what happened on your end while you were unconscious?”

Ash snorted and grinned. “Well, doc, our time here’s up, isn’t it? Guess I’ll have to save that for next time...”

“Ah...indeed, indeed.” Dr. Maslov laughed. “Well, I will look forward to it. Until next time, Dr. Langley.” He opened the door and nodded his head at Ash as the auburn haired man stepped through the threshold. “Ah. And one more thing before you go...based on your reaction, I would advise against attempting to remember what you’ve lost on your own. I worry that without qualified medical personnel present, you’re at risk of causing harm to yourself.” He raised his eyebrows as he observed Troy standing up and walking towards them. “Mr St. Helen...thank you again for your assistance with getting the medic. Your friend here will be just fine.” He smiled.

“Thanks, doc. Glad to hear it.” Troy nodded and extended an arm to Ash. “You good, buddy?”

Ash nodded and shrugged off Troy’s arm. “Yeah. I’m fine. Don’t touch me.” He stared straight ahead as he walked towards the exit. “You, uh...you good to take me to the pharmacy?”

“Sure, bro! I’ll take you anywhere you need.”

“Great.” Ash sighed as they continued to make their way to the parking garage. “I’ve actually got a couple of stops I need to make, since you’re offering...”

***

Ash ignored Troy’s repeated looks between him and the backseat. It wasn’t Troy’s business. Troy owed him, anyways, seeing as he was the one who had shot him. What’s a trip to Lowe’s between coworkers? Friends? _Let’s not get hasty, now...he did shoot you, after all._ Ash shifted uncomfortably. He felt tired. Strange. He was quite possibly hungry. Definitely thirsty.

“So, uh...they’ve got you on some pretty powerful pain meds, huh?” Troy casually remarked as they exited the freeway.

“No, not really...just Vicodin.” Ash looked lazily out the window at the scenery. “Pretty basic stuff, all things considered. And I actually missed my next dose by a couple of hours now, so I feel sickeningly _lucid_. Why do you ask?”

Troy threw another glance to the back seat. “Well, uh...it isn’t every day someone asks me to take them to the Lowe’s so they can buy the biggest fern I’ve ever seen in my life.” He laughed. “I mean...was that really so urgent? I won’t judge, I’m just curious.”

Ash sighed. “I...needed to get it. I promised...I think?” He rubbed his head and squeezed his eyes shut. “I remember something about needing to buy a fern for the back porch...and since I can’t remember hardly anything else, it has to be important.”

“Are you...going to be able to take care of that thing?”

Ash groaned.

“I can come over and help out, if you want...” Troy glanced over at Ash and grinned.

“It’s...it’s fine, Troy.” Ash rubbed his jaw and winced as he hit the bandage covering the gouge in his cheek. “I think I can handle watering a plant.”

Troy shrugged. “Suit yourself, dude. You’ve got a lot of plants, though.” Troy frowned as he turned in to Ash’s neighborhood. “Like...a lot. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many plants in one person’s house before.” He squinted as he thought. Quite the task for someone like Troy. “Wait, you’re a biologist, though, right? So...are these for like...biology stuff?”

Ash shook his head. “No, I just...I enjoy having plants around. Sometimes, when things become too complex in my mind, I can look at and tend to my plants and...it calms things down, I suppose.” He sighed. “Same thing goes for emotions...”

Troy nodded. “I think I get what you’re laying down. Not about the thinking part, but like, I’ve seen how you guys look when you come back from a job. Well...” He shook his head. “Everyone except Lucky. I think she’s the only one out of you field agents who processes their emotions in a healthy way.” He grew unusually serious and quiet. “I’m...glad you’re seeing Dr. Maslov. He’s good, Dr. Langley. I think he’ll really be able to help you.”

Ash snorted. “Well, I’m certainly not glad I’m seeing him. I don’t need a fucking shrink inside my head trying to pick me apart and put me in a special little box...” He grumbled, thankful that they were almost on his street.

“Well...” Troy’s voice was quiet. Serious. “I’ve seen a lot of people come through my department...you field agents all just think you’re bringing whatever quarry you’ve been tasked with retrieving, but it’s never all you’re bringing to us.” He glanced over at Ash as he stopped at a stop sign. “And I don’t think you guys don’t know you’re bringing anything extra in. But we do. We see the toll of what you’re doing. It’s all heaped up on your shoulders, threatening to break you. It’s heavy shit, man. And that’s why we joke with you guys. That’s why we make small talk, we laugh with you, celebrate your victories...try and take some of that burden off of your shoulders while we put whatever monster you’ve brought into containment. Try and lighten the load so whatever’s left over becomes easier to metabolize. But _you_...” He sighed and shook his head as Ash looked at him, absolutely flabbergasted. “You don’t let anyone take even a fraction. I...I don’t get it, man. It’s like...your burden increases when we try and help you out. I just don’t get it.” He shook his head as he put his car in park upon pulling up next to Ash’s green Subaru in the driveway. “You can only bottle stuff up so much, you know? Like...you know how in science class you’d do that experiment where the teacher made you put the dry ice in the water, and they had to tell everyone to not close the bottle?”

Ash blinked. “I uh...well, we didn’t have bottles. For safety reasons. But yes, I do remember the teacher cautioning us to not put the dry ice into a sealed container.”

“Yeah. So you’re like that bottle. And your emotions are the dry ice. And if you keep bottling stuff up the way that you do, you’re going to blow and take out a light fixture, and the whole class is gonna get detention.” Troy sighed.

“Metaphor got away from you there at the last part of your spiel, big guy...” Ash grumbled. He didn’t need a lecture from a well meaning himbo. He was good at his job and didn’t need anyone trying to help him process his emotional burden. But Troy did mean well, he knew that much. There wasn’t any malice in the man...no real malice, at least. He sighed as he unbuckled his seat belt and glanced over at Troy. “You, uh...gonna help me get this thing to my back porch? Since you’re so fond of helping, I’m giving you this once in a lifetime opportunity to help me get this giant fucking fern into my house without destroying anything...” He smiled weakly at the blonde man in the driver’s seat.

Troy laughed. “Sure...you got it, bro.” Troy easily pulled the formidably large plant out of the back seat. “But uh...promise me you’ll at least think about what I said?”

“Fine fine fine...” Ash waved his right arm dismissively at Troy before unlocking the front door and gently shooing Mulder and Special Agent Dale Cooper away. Frankie and Sid had helped him find good homes for the strays he had found, but he was a little sad to see them gone. Especially Nadine. “But you need to think about the fact that not everyone enjoys human contact the way you do. I don’t like joking with people in most circumstances...impossible to tell whether or not I’m the butt of the joke, and I don’t like that uncertainty, it stresses me out. It’s...it’s difficult to talk to people.” He motioned for Troy to follow him to the back door. “Quite frankly, dealing with the monsters is the least stressful part of my job...having to talk with everyone in containment is way more stressful.”

“ _Oi...what’s this boob doing here?_ ”

Ash sighed as Jack floated down from the ceiling. “Don’t go starting anything, Jack. I got that fern you wanted, but it’s freaking huge, so Troy here is helping me get it to the back porch.” He opened the back door and frowned as he noticed Jack and Troy glaring at each other behind him. “Come on, guys, knock it off...” Ash rubbed his face before stepping onto the back porch.

“Don’t know why he puts up with you...” Troy grumbled at Jack before brushing past him. “You sure aren’t very nice.”

“ _I’m plenty nice, I just don’t like you._ ” Jack crossed his arms.

Troy rolled his eyes as he followed Ash onto the porch. “So, uh...where do you want this thing?” He lifted the massive ball of floofy green foliage.

“I...don’t know.” Ash looked around. “I think it’ll go good here?” He pointed up at a hook conveniently placed on a support beam on the roof of the back porch. “Yeah...that’ll go perfect. Need me to get a ladder...?” Ash was cut off as Troy effortlessly reached up and hung the plant’s container on the hook.

“Nah, bro...looks like I’m tall enough.”

“Huh...s-sure are...” Ash saw Jack scowling at him and realized he was blushing. “A-anyways. Thanks.”

Troy smiled. It was a little too fond of a smile for Ash’s taste. “No prob, dude. So uh...you need anything else while I’m here?” The athletic, blonde man leaned up against the wall.

“N-no...thank you.” Ash frowned and shook his head as he went back over to the door. “I uh...I’m not feeling so hot, I should rest, I think.” Anything to get Troy out of his house. It’s not that he didn’t enjoy spending time with Troy, but he always felt like Troy wanted something from him. Something _physical_. He was always standing far too near. Besides that, Jack didn’t like Troy, and Ash didn’t like doing things that upset Jack. It was disrespectful to vex a spirit. “Gotta take my pain meds and I’ll probably crash after that...”

“Oh...okay...” Troy nodded and followed Ash to the front door. “Well, just let me know if you need anything. I’m just a text away, dude.” He grinned at Ash.

“ _Pfft...I bet you are..._ ” Jack rolled his eyes. “ _Why don’t you just scram already, huh?_ ”

“Easy now...” Ash shot Jack a pleading look. “Anyways...thanks for the help.” Ash waved at Troy and closed the door, sighing as he locked the deadbolt.

“ _So???_ ”

Ash made a startled noise as he turned around and found himself nose to nose with Jack. “J-jeez! Don’t do that!” He frowned as he stalked over to the kitchen and snatched his Vicodin off of the counter as he placed his new prescription onto the quartz countertop. “So what?”

“ _How’d it go?_ ” Jack floated over next to Ash and sat himself on the counter. “ _I see you got that fern...did you...get your memories back?_ ”

Ash sighed and paused as he grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. There was such _hope_ in Jack’s voice, but Ash didn’t have any good news to share with him. If anything, it was only bad news when it came to retrieving his memories. Well, there was one thing he was sure Jack would be interested in hearing. But Ash wasn’t so sure he wanted to share it. It was hard for him to judge how real the images in his head were, and he didn’t want to tell Jack he remembered something if it was just some dream in his mind. What would he say if it turned out it wasn’t real?

“ _Well? What’s the matter, cat got your tongue???_ ”

“I didn’t get my memories back...not exactly...” He paused to take his pain medication. “Things come back to me in...weird flashes. I think that’s what’s happening, at least. But...” He rubbed his face. “It uh...didn’t go so hot in there today, that’s for sure.”

“ _What do you mean?_ ” Jack narrowed his eyes.

“Well, the shrink...he looked just an awful lot like that demon.” Ash felt his pulse beginning to climb again as he recalled the events. “And I...I kind of freaked out, I guess. Tried to remember too much and had a seizure or something.”

Jack floated over to Ash. “ _Jesus H! Are you okay? They didn’t hurt you, did they?_ ”

“N-no. Nothing like that.” Ash shook his head. “He said I shouldn’t try to remember anything, though...not without qualified medical personnel present, at least.” He sighed and took another drink of water, pausing as he saw the crestfallen look on Jack’s face. “But uh...I did remember a couple of things, I think...remembered the fern, but don’t remember why I promised to get it. And...I remember...” He idly clutched at his chest. “I remember about my core. Which is handy because I think that was the last piece I needed for something I have planned.”

“ _Do you...remember anything before that? Or after that?_ ” Such hope lodged within those words.

Ash clenched his jaw and looked at the floor. “I...I don’t know. Maybe.” He sighed and walked over to the couch. “It’s all so weird and...fuzzy. Makes my head hurt trying to think about it, and I don’t want to have another seizure and bust my head...or my shoulder.” He grabbed the remote and turned the television on. A nature documentary about forests was on. _Perfect_. “H-here...let’s just watch some television, okay? I’m...not feeling very well.” He felt a low, persistent ache just behind his sternum as he recalled the flashes he had seen while he was blacked out. Ash remembered the way Jack held him- he wished Jack could hold him through this discomfort. He groaned as he swallowed against that uncomfortable desire. It was something he couldn’t have, and he knew this. Best to not think about it. No good would come of him yearning for something that he couldn’t have. Yearning. Something about that word made him feel strange. _You can’t just leave him hanging, though. He remembers everything that happened...it has to be rough on him to be the only one who remembers. Especially given the uh...nature...of what happened._ Ash looked over at Jack as the translucent spirit settled down on the couch next to him.

“ _Yeah. Okay._ ” Jack smiled sadly at Ash before looking at the screen. “ _You know there’s going to be mushrooms in this one..._ ”

“Yeah, but I’ll probably be zonked out by then.” Ash rubbed his chin, taking secretive glances at Jack. “But uh...funny thing, when I blacked out, I had a funny little daydream of watching the tv with you.” He chuckled and shook his head.

“ _Huh. You don’t say..._ ” Jack stared at the television screen. He sounded sad and lost in thought.

“Yeah. After some flashbacks of stuff that had happened while I was out of my body.”

“ _What...kind of flashbacks?_ ” That seemed to pique Jack’s interest.

Ash felt a familiar heat creeping into his cheeks as he recalled. “Well...it was...it was very _personal_ in nature and I uh...” He cleared his throat and shifted on the couch. “Do...do you need to be so close to be while I recount this to you? I’m not even sure if it was really real, or if it was a dream...” Ash nervously fidgeted with the strap of his sling as he looked over to see Jack’s grinning visage mere millimeters from his face.

“ _Yeah? Personal, hmm?_ ” Jack ran a translucent finger down Ash’s shirt front.

“Y-yeah...personal...” Ash scooted slightly further from Jack. He felt his ears burning bright crimson and wiped off the sweat that was forming on his brow. “Knock it off! Don’t make me get the compressed air...” A familiar threat. Though Jack’s behavior was far more familiar than usual.

Jack rolled his eyes. “ _Fine, fine...don’t get bent out of shape. But seriously, what kind of flashback?_ ” He floated a more respectful distance from Ash.

“Th-thanks. Anyways...what was I talking about?” The pain medication was finally beginning to kick in. A pleasant warmth and sleepiness began to spread throughout his body as he settled back on the couch.

“ _Jesus, man, the flashbacks!_ ” Jack groaned and put his hands in his hair. “ _Quit milking it and just tell me already! I’m dying here!_ ”

Ash snorted. “Well, technically, you’re already dead.”

“ _Alright, funny-man, don’t rub it in...just get to the point..._ ”

“Yeah...flashbacks...well, it was the damnedest thing.” Ash felt his eyelids flutter closed as he got comfortable. It was easier to recall things this way. “I had this flashback of you holding my core...which was far more intimate that it had any right to be...and then like...I was falling...”

“ _Wait, you were falling?_ ”

Ash nodded. “Yeah like...in my mind or...imagination or whatever...” He glanced warily over to Jack to make sure he was still an acceptable distance away on the couch before closing his eyes again. “And so I’m falling, and as I’m falling, I see another image...like a memory? I’m not sure, but...it was one of us uhm...” He took a deep breath in. “Well...I’ve only got a glimmer of it...it’s hazy...but uh...you ever, uh, licked a nine-volt battery, Jack?” Ash’s voice broke. A heaviness settled in his heart. As the Vicodin numbed him to the physical pain he had been feeling, the feelings associated with his memories began trickling back to him. He remembered the giddy feeling of joy, excitement...and something else. Something that he couldn’t quite place, but rather enjoyed. But most of all, he remembered that those feelings likely wouldn’t happen again- at least, not while he was alive. Unless, of course, his plan worked...but that was a long shot, and he wasn’t inclined to bank on things actually coming together. Best to not get his hopes up.

Jack frowned. “ _No, Ash...those weren’t invented when I was alive...what...what was it like? And what happened that made you feel like that?_ ”

“It’s like...a buzzing...hot, electric.” Ash glanced over at Jack. “We used to do it for fun when I was in middle school. Anyways.” He looked back towards the television. “That’s the feeling I remember from it...”

“ _Okay, but what was it?_ ”

Ash rubbed his head. “I...you know, _you_ remember everything, why don’t you tell me what happened?”

“ _I...I wanted to but...after you got back into your body, that big, blonde doofus told me not to..._ ” Jack scowled and stared straight ahead at the television.

“Wait...what? Troy told you not to? But why on earth would he do that?”

Jack shrugged. “ _Said it would violate containment protocol...said it would mess up your mind..._ ” He glanced over at Ash. “ _Much as I hate to admit it, I think he may actually be right about it considering what happened to you today._ ” The dark haired man wearily rubbed his head as he leaned back on the couch. “ _So why don’t you just tell me what you remember, and I can tell you if it really happened or not._ ”

Ash nodded. “Okay...well, if it _didn’t_ happen, I don’t need you getting any ideas.” He crossed his right arm across his torso. A defensive maneuver. “A-anyway...so I had this weird...dream or whatever of...” A nervous chuckle escaped him. “Well, we were uh...making out, I guess. I don’t know. It’s hazy. It’s hard to remember.” He stared straight ahead at the television, trying to not think about the images he was recalling. _Don’t give him the full story...he doesn’t need to know the full extent of what you may or may not remember._

“ _Ha! So you did regain some of your memories!_ ” Jack grinned and floated directly in front of Ash.

Ash rolled his eyes and squinted as he attempted to watch the television through Jack. “D-don’t get weird about it. Quite frankly, I’m not even sure how we would have managed such a thing...b-because you’re a ghost and all...” He scowled as time lapse images of mushrooms sprouting up from the ground filled the television screen. _Ugh. Ugh! Vile...obscene...dammit, I should have been asleep by now._

“ _Spirit..._ ” Jack corrected. “ _And you were on the spirit side of things too...we were able to interact with each other just fine._ ” He grinned and leaned forward until he was nose to nose with the now incredibly flustered auburn haired man. “ _Just. Fine._ ”

Ash swallowed and leaned his head back, closing his eyes to avoid having to look at the phantom menace who was now uncomfortably close to him, as well as the suggestive images of fungi coming to life in high definition on the screen across the room. “Alright now...b-back off...or I’ll get the...” His threats were hollow. Weak. Toothless.

“ _The compressed air...?_ ” Jack grinned and placed a spectral hand on Ash’s cheek. “ _I don’t think you’ll actually get the compressed air..._ ”

Ash shivered. “Come on now...I’m on too much Vicodin for you to be acting like this...” He felt very tired.

“ _Acting like what?_ ” Jack’s voice was so calming. Almost hypnotic. Or maybe it was the Vicodin.

“You know exactly what you’re doing...” Ash was tired. He felt warm and swimmy in his gut.But underneath that, there was a strange feeling he couldn’t quite place. Anticipation? _Maybe...if I just let him do what he wants, he’ll get it out of his system? I mean, it’s not like I want him to or anything...it’s whatever, it doesn’t mean that much to me either way. It doesn’t. I don’t care either way. It’s just whatever._ He exhaled and relaxed in surrender as he continued to justify his actions in his mind. “W-whatever...if you’re going to be like this, just do whatever it is you want to do and get it over with so I can get some sleep...” Ash allowed his eyes to slowly open, just a peep, and immediately turned his head away as he saw how close Jack was. A dizzying feeling of deja vu washed over him. _Have I...said this before? Have I done this before?_

Jack laughed. That stupid, charming laugh. It hauled emotions up from Ash’s depths. Difficult, poignant emotions. Emotions that Ash had very purposefully deposited in the Mariana Trench of his soul. Ash didn’t want to feel said emotions, but for some reason they were more difficult to put back in their respective boxes now. Probably due to the trauma. Yes, that must have been it...the trauma.

“ _Hey. Look at me._ ”

Without thinking, Ash turned back to face the spirit hovering mere inches from his face. He scowled. _What is he waiting for? Why doesn’t he just do whatever it is he’s going to do?_ “W-what?” The blue of Jack’s eyes flashed in his memory. _Did this...happen before?_ All this anticipation was making him sweaty, and this whole situation felt uncomfortably familiar to him.

“ _Thanks._ ” He smiled warmly.

“For what?”

“ _For letting me know._ ” The dark haired phantom affected a sigh and floated back to his original spot next to Ash on the couch. “ _It’s just...I’m deceased, I don’t really exist in the world any more, so whatever I remember may as well have not happened if no one else remembers._ ” He smiled and glanced over at Ash. “ _I’m hoping the rest will come back to you, but this is a start at least._ ”

Ash blinked. “O-oh. Okay. So...you’re not going to mess with me or anything?” He tried to hide the disappointment in his voice.

“ _Did you want me to?_ ”

“No! No, of course not.” Ash shook his head vigorously and groaned as the world continued to spin after he’d stopped moving his head. “Ugh. Remind me to not do that again.”

Jack laughed. “ _Alright, you...I think it’s time you got some rest. Why don’t you close your eyes and get some shut eye? I promise I ain’t gonna mess with you._ ”

Ash nodded and let his eyelids flutter shut, grateful to finally get some proper rest. There was plenty of time for him to remember what had happened. For now, it was time to rest.

_I’ve learned to retreat at the first sign of danger, I mean, why wait around if it’s just to surrender? And ambition, I’ve found, can only lead to failure..._


End file.
